“Think of it like this. We all have feelings. Some are good, some are bad. Many are somewhere in the middle. But no matter what, we need an outlet for those feelings. We need to talk, or cry, or go for a long run…there are lots of choices. But some people bottle their feelings up. They avoid them, or even deny them.”
He nods. “I’m sure I’ve been guilty of that.”
“Alcohol and drugs can be a way to numb feelings.”
“So instead I should talk about what I’m feeling?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“I like you, Graysen.”
My shoulders slump. “Don’t play games, this is serious.”
He puts his hands up in mock surrender. “I’m not playing any games. I just want you to know that I genuinely like you. I’m not just flirting with you to pass the time or anything.”
“It’s not uncommon for patients to become attached to their therapist. You may feel like I created change in your life, but really, it was you.”
“Can I give you some advice?”
I furrow my brow, confused. “Sure?”
“When I tell you how I feel, don’t argue with me about it.”
I open my mouth, then close it again, thinking about what he said.
“Is that what I was doing?”
“Yeah. You’re always telling me why I don’t really like you, or can’t like you, or shouldn’t like you. But I do. And you like me, too.”
“Yes, but we can’t—”
“Not now, I know. But I don’t want what’s happening between us to end in two weeks.”
I sigh softly. “What’s happening between us isn’t something that’s good for either of us.”
“Why not?”
“You need to avoid relationships for at least nine months. You have to focus on your sobriety.”
“Yeah, but you know who helps me focus on my sobriety like a fucking boss? That would be you.”
I laugh. “Alexei, we can’t date each other just because I’d help you stay sober.”
“Let’s date each other because we want to.”
My heart pounds with warmth and excitement, which feels both right and wrong at the same time.
“Can we please not do this? We need to focus on your session.”
“I want to focus on my session, but how can I do that when I’m thinking constantly about not seeing you anymore in two weeks?”
My heart swells. Alexei said he’s thinking about me constantly. God, that feels good. But I can’t let go of my professional responsibility.
“We can’t do this right now,” I say weakly.
“Graysen, you’re beautiful and smart and so damn sexy it hurts. Just tell me we can still see each other after I leave here.”
“Alexei…”
“Just tell me if you want to.” He searches my face for the truth. “That’s all I need right now, for you to tell me if you want to see me again or if you want this to end in two weeks.”
I give him a pleading look.
“You want me to come over there and ask you?” The corner of his lips quirk up in challenge.
Oh God. If he brings that soapy smell and those muscular thighs over to my side of the room, I’m done for.
“I want to,” I admit, exasperated. “There, that’s what you wanted, for me to admit it. And yes, I want to see you after you leave here.”
His shoulders sink the slightest bit and he looks relieved. “There, was that so hard?”
“It doesn’t mean I’ll be able to,” I say. “It’s not a good idea, and—”
“All I asked is if you want to.”
“And I answered you,” I say sharply.
“Graysen, I’m not sure if you know this, but it’s important to talk about your feelings. You need to be honest about them, because keeping them to yourself can lead to—”
I bury my face in my hands. “Get out of my office.”
He grins at me as he stands up. “Not so fun being on the other side, is it?”
“I can only deal with you in moderation.” I feign a scowl. “I’ll see you later in group.”
“I’ll be checking you out as often as possible.”
“Oh my God, go away.”
With one last sexy smirk, he does. And as soon as my heart returns to its regular rhythm, I miss him.16AlexeiAnton looks good. His hair is shorter and there are a few lines around his eyes when he smiles that I don’t remember seeing before.
His smile, and the way he embraces me before saying a word when he sees me, tell me he must not be so pissed anymore.
“Looking good, man,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder as we pull apart. “How’s it going?”
“Good, how ‘bout you?”
He shrugs. “We just slipped out of first place, but other than that life’s good.”
“Anton, you can have a seat over here,” Graysen says, patting the leather chair she usually sits on during our sessions.
It’s weird seeing him in her office. I’ve never been in here with anyone but Graysen. When she went to get Anton from the Beckett lobby and walked him in here, my guard immediately went up.