Graysen: I miss you too.
Me: One month down, eight to go…
Graysen: How do you like your new team?
Me: Everyone’s great. I feel at home already.
Graysen: How are things with you and Anton?
Me: They’re good. He’s a moody bastard right now to everyone because he and Mia are waiting to hear when their birth mom’s in labor. He’s glued to his phone.
Graysen: I bet. It’s a very exciting time for them.
Me: Hey, tell me how you are.
Graysen: I’m good.
Me: What’s going on with you? I get to ask you questions now, too, it’s not just you asking me anymore.
Graysen: I’m almost at the end of my current session. It’s gone really well. 3 of the 4 in my group are graduating.
Me: Have you heard from Melinda or Joe?
Graysen: Melinda emailed me last week. She’s doing really well. She and her husband are going to do some traveling, and then she’s going to start speaking about her experience.
Me: Wow, good for her.
Graysen: It’s really good to see her living life again. I haven’t heard from Joe, have you?
Me: Yep, we text most days. He’s doing pretty good, busy with his kids.
Graysen: My best friend and I are going to see a taping of SNL next month. I’m excited, we’re huge SNL fans.
Me: That’s great, hope you guys have a blast. Be careful, though, NYC can be crazy.
Graysen: We will. We have a work conference there so we decided to take a couple days extra to do some fun stuff.
Me: Send me some pix of you there, k?
Graysen: I will.
Me: You got the hoodie?
Graysen: Yes and I love it. Thank you.
Me: Do I get one of your cardigans when I see you?
Graysen: Ha, if you want? I have a nice purple one that would suit you.
Me: Perfect.
Graysen: Am I keeping you from anything?
Me: Not at all. We have to go to the arena later. I’m not off the injured list yet, so I can’t play, but I’ll be able to soon.
Graysen: That’s amazing! Already?!
Me: I’ve been busting my ass. I’m ready.
Graysen: Good for you. I’ll be watching.
Me: You can come watch at the Carson Center if you want. Anytime. I’ll get you seats.
Graysen: I’d better just watch from home.
Me: For now.
Graysen: I like your determination.
Me: I like your ass.
Graysen: Wow. Thanks?
Me: It’s a compliment. I like lots of other things, too. Guess I should have started with your mind. I like your mind.
Graysen: I like your shoulders.
Me: Yeah?
Graysen: Yeah.
Me: I’ll put some extra effort into them.
Graysen: No need, they’re already perfect.
Me: I want to take you to dinner.
Graysen: Someday, I hope.
Me: Someday for sure.
Graysen: I better go. My roommate just got home with dinner.
Me: It was great to hear from you.
Graysen: I’m so happy you’re doing well. Keep it up.
Me: Enjoy your dinner.
Graysen: Talk soon?
Me: Can’t wait.
I set the phone down and lie back on the bed, my entire body going slack with relief.
She didn’t forget me. I still have a chance. Just the thought gives me a high I never got from booze. I’m still lying there with a stupid grin on my face a few minutes later when I get another text.
Anton: Birth mom in labor, leaving for airport.
Me: That’s great news, keep me posted.
My brother may be our team captain and first line center, but no hockey game will keep him from being with Mia to see their babies being born. I hope it’s smooth—they deserve that.
I put my suit jacket on and text Easy to ask where he went so I can catch up with him. When I leave the room, I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time.21Graysen
Four months laterI have to read the headline a second time to make sure I saw it right.
Unfortunately, I did. Ashton Banks is dead from an overdose. My heart breaks as I remember the troubled rock star breaking down in my office, crying over the addiction that has haunted him for so long.
I read the story, my hand over my mouth, and find out his body gave out on him. His heart couldn’t handle any more. It’s a tragic end to a former patient I was rooting hard for.
Not everyone makes it. I know the statistics. It wasn’t just me, but also my supervisors working with Ashton when he was here because he was dead honest about the fact that even though he wanted to quit using, he didn’t think he could stay clean when he had access to drugs again.
It hurts that he’s gone, but it doesn’t break me the way losing patients has in the past. Since Alexei left, I’ve been talking to my therapist more, working on getting myself into a healthier mindset. She often helps me recognize the different ways my past affects me mentally and the way I’m living my life.
She also told me it was a good idea to make the plans I have for tonight—dinner with Alexei.