I’ve never been with a shy, inexperienced woman. Never thought I’d want to. But holy shit, do I want to. With the hot spray of water pelting my back, I come with a deep, satisfied groan.
Now that my head’s a little clearer, I realize Lindy might think I’ve given her mixed signals. I definitely have. I cringe as I recall telling her I just wanted to be friends. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Then I cringe harder as I think about her going out on a date with another man.
I text her.
Me: I meant what I said yesterday. I asked you to come over and talk because I want to date you. I hope I’m not too late.
I look at the screen for a few minutes, hoping she’ll respond. Nothing, though. I don’t like the way this feels. We all face rejection, but I’ve been let down hard by the people in my life who really mattered.
I’m a twenty-eight year-old man, who looks like he has it all together. But I’m the guy who relies on teammates and their wives for a place to have Thanksgiving dinner and celebrate Christmas every year. I’ve got enough money to buy almost anything I want, but the thing I desire above all else isn’t for sale.
Unconditional love. I’ve never had it. I thought I didn’t care, until that night Lindy looked at me with those warm whiskey-colored eyes in the darkened arena. I was down on my luck—a falling star. But in her eyes, I felt like more. So much more.
When I get a text back from her, my shoulders sag with relief.
Lindy: I just felt like I should explain to Ryan, it’s not a real date. Do you want me to come over when I’m done?
My single note of laughter is filled with relief. Do I want her to come over?
Me: Yes. Come over as soon as you can.
My pulse races, a mixture of excitement and fear. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to go all in. I didn’t even see Lindy coming, but now I’ve got a shot at what Jonah and Lily had.
It feels good, but there’s still a worry in the back of my mind that my darkest truth will scare her away. I’ve never even considered telling a woman about it. But all-in means all-in. Now that I see what that could feel like, I’m not settling for less with Lindy.
I just hope that shine doesn’t fade from her eyes when she finds out where I really come from.Chapter NineteenLindyTaking a deep breath, I press the button in the lobby of Victor’s building to let him know I’m here. There’s a camera that shows him who’s ringing—I couldn’t believe it the first time I was invited to Victor’s apartment. This place is fancier than any building I’ve been in before.
I take the elevator up to his floor then, my heart racing with anticipation.
Victor wants to date me. I thought all the chemistry I was sensing was my own feelings for him; never did I think he’d actually want me back. He solidified that theory when he told me he only wanted to be friends.
But something’s different now—I could feel it in the car ride back to my house after Lily’s funeral. It’s funny, because this is a dream come true for me, but I also worry that the dream could slip through my fingers at any moment, and leave me brokenhearted.
The elevator doors open onto Victor’s floor, and I clutch my quilted handbag as I walk to his door and knock. When he opens the door, he stares for a couple seconds, his gaze different than I’ve ever seen it. It’s intense and almost…hungry.
“Hi,” I say softly, my cheeks heating just from the way he’s looking at me.
He reaches for my waist and pulls me inside the apartment and into his arms. I inhale sharply, his strength taking me by surprise. It was so smooth—one second I was standing there, the next I was in his arms, my handbag on the floor.
His mouth descends on mine then, his lips warm as he brushes them back and forth over my own. Our bodies are melded together, his arms holding me tightly. I’m breathless as his tongue brushes across mine, my heart on the edge of bursting like a thousand fireworks at once.
If he wasn’t holding on to me, I’d melt all over the floor right now. When he pulls back slightly, I take a deep breath and smile up at him.
“So that’s kissing,” I say softly. “I get it now.”
“You’ve never been kissed?” He eyes widen in disbelief.
“Well, not until a few seconds ago.”
“Oh, Lindy…”
He retrieves my handbag from the hallway and places it on a small table to the side of his front door. He scoots us out of the way and then gives the door a kick to close it.