Percy was so good about the whole thing. We flew home the morning after the game and she called an Uber to take us to my apartment, where she settled me into bed and made me some eggs and toast. Then she stayed in my living room for the next twenty-four hours, sleeping on the couch, until she knew I was going to be okay.
I will be okay. I’ve walked the darkest of paths life can send a person down, and I’m still here. I keep breathing and moving and functioning. Some days are easier than others. But I believe I still have a greater calling in life, and that’s what keeps me going.
I’ve slept a lot in the past three days. My body needed it; I know that. I’ve mostly only gotten out of bed to get water and use the bathroom.
The nightmare was like the cresting of a wave for me. It’s time to get up and back in the land of the living.
First, I drink an entire bottle of water. Then I take a long, hot shower and make a cup of tea. After the first sip of the warm brew, I sigh softly and walk over to the granite-topped kitchen island, where my phone is sitting facedown.
I power it up, sure it will be flooded with work messages, but surprisingly, there are very few. It looks like Anthony told everyone to leave me be unless there was an emergency, and there’s not much to look through.
There are messages from Luca, though, and they gut me. He’s worried. I feel like a jerk for leaving him like I did, and for being radio silent for four days.
I just couldn’t get outside my own head until now. I needed that time to myself. If only I could make him understand.
I take my tea and cell phone and sit down in a leather recliner in my living room, the New York skyline bright with possibility. It’s a gorgeous summer day here. Maybe I’ll go for a walk later—it’s been ages since I took some time for myself, even something as simple as a leisurely walk to the local farmer’s market.
But first, Luca. I text a message to him.
Me: I’m sorry I haven’t responded until now, and I’m sorry about the way I left things. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m okay.
When he writes back immediately, I feel like an every bigger jerk.
Luca: For fuck’s sake, I’ve been worried sick! Where are you?
Me: I’m home in NY.
Luca: Can we talk about what happened?
Me: It’s too much to explain.
Luca: You can call me if that’s easier.
Me: No, I mean it’s too much emotionally. I’m private.
Luca: We can’t just pretend it didn’t happen. You can trust me, and if you don’t want to go into detail, that’s fine, but give me something Abby. I at least deserve that. I care about you.
Me: I shouldn’t have come to the game. That was my mistake, and I’m sorry.
Luca: Don’t avoid the issue.
Me: The truth is, I don’t want to be with a man who has kids.
Luca: Is that what we’re doing? Jumping from a casual sex thing to a full relationship?
Me: No, because I don’t want to be with a man who has kids.
Luca: But you want to be with another guy? Some billionaire bachelor with a small dick and a penthouse apartment?
Me: You don’t know me. Stop acting like you do.
Luca: I know you better than you think.
Me: I’m entitled to want what I want. And so are you.
Luca: Then tell me why.
Me: Why what?
Luca: Why don’t you want to be with me because of the kids?
Me: Don’t be a dick about this.
Luca: How am I being a dick? Just tell me why.
Me: I work a lot. I like my time alone. It wouldn’t be fair.
Luca: Bullshit. You’re lying. I’ve never lied to you.
Me: I’m not lying.
Luca: What I saw on your face the other day was not the look of a woman who just likes her alone time.
Me: I was shocked, okay? I didn’t know about the kids.
Luca: How could you? You set your bullshit rule about no personal details up front.
Me: You didn’t think it was bullshit when we were fucking.
Luca: So what now? We move on with our lives and never speak again?
Me: I think that’s for the best.
Luca: All because of the kids.
Me: You don’t understand.
Luca: No, I sure as hell don’t. Make me understand.
Me: There’s a lot you don’t know about me.
Luca: Like your real last name?
Me: Are you serious? How do you know my last name?
Luca: Certainly not because you told me.
Me: What else do you know?
Luca: What else is there to know? You’re successful and rich, I know that. Did you think I’d want your money or something? I’m not exactly broke.
Me: I can’t believe you went digging for information on me. That’s such a violation.