“Anton,” I say breathlessly. “It’s the most…it’s so beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
A gray-haired man in a tuxedo approaches us with a silver tray holding two glasses of champagne. He nods as Anton takes them both and passes one to me, then silently disappears.
“To new beginnings,” Anton says, holding out his glass for a toast.
I clink my flute against his. “To new beginnings,” I echo.
We both take a sip of the bubbly, sweet peach champagne. I’m still taking in our surroundings when the sound of music makes me jump. I turn to see a three-piece orchestra on the other side of the roof.
“Are you fucking serious?” I cringe at my profanity in such a romantic moment. “I mean, serious?”
Anton tips back his head as he laughs. “I’m fucking serious, babe.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m just…amazed.” I squeeze his hand. “Thank you.”
“First of many. I think you and I can have it all someday, sweetheart.”
I lean in to him, laying my head on his shoulder.
“Can you see us with a bunch of little kids someday?” he says, his voice warm and deep near my ear. “I’d like a half dozen little girls who look just like you. Maybe one badass boy.”
I choke out a note of laughter, but my heart constricts in my chest. This is the fear that has been keeping me up at night—Anton is in love with the idea of me, and he doesn’t know how different the reality is.
As we sit at the table and get served several courses of my favorite foods—including pancakes and nachos—my joy is bittersweet. Anton is everything I could ever want in a partner and so much more. I’d be happy sitting on his couch with a pizza watching a movie, but he’s wooing me instead. Trying so very hard to make me feel special.
And I do. But the nagging doubt is still there in the back of my head. How will I tell him I can’t have children? And when?
I don’t want this magic to end.
After dinner, Anton invites me to dance with him as the sun sets. Space heaters on the roof warm the air as we sway in time to the music, my head on his shoulder. There’s a lump in my throat as I silently wish I could find a way to tell him that even though I’m not the perfect woman he thinks I am, I’ll always remember how he made me feel tonight. For the first time in my life, a man made me feel cherished.
We dance for what feels like minutes and hours at the same time. It’s fully dark, just the strands of white lights casting a glow over the rooftop, when Anton reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little black box.
“This is the gift I got you for Christmas,” he says, flipping open the top of the box.
It’s a necklace—a sparkling silver chain with a pendant that looks like a jagged line encrusted with diamonds.
“I had it made for you,” he says softly. “It’s supposed to be lightning, because when I saw you for the first time, I felt like lightning had struck.”
All the emotions I’m feeling overwhelm me at once. This whole thing—him, the rooftop, the necklace—it’s too good to be true. If Anton wants children with me someday, he’ll be disappointed to find out I can’t give him any.
And he deserves to know. This incredible man who’s come to mean so much to me deserves to know my deepest truth—the one I’m most ashamed of.
But I can’t tell him tonight. When he fastens the necklace around my neck and I stutter out a thank you, a tear slips down my cheek. It’s half happy, half heartbroken.
He cups my face in his hands then and lowers his lips to mine, kissing me softly. Pressed against his chest, I can feel his thundering heart as he slides a hand around the back of my neck and deepens the kiss.
It’s just long enough. Just intense enough to take my breath away and leave me wanting more. It’s absolutely perfect. Just like him. Like this night. Like everything here except me.Chapter Twenty-TwoAntonThere’s a homeless man with his hand out on my block-long walk to Mia’s apartment for our second date. When I pass him a ten, he thanks me and shoves it in his pocket.
I probably look like I’m starring in a music video for a guy having the best day ever—carrying a bunch of flowers and smiling like a damn idiot. I can’t help it though; I’m happy.
It’s only been a few days since Mia and I had our first date, but Alexei’s in town for a visit, so I’m taking advantage of my free night while he hangs out with Uncle Dix. This is going to be the first time Mia and I have been completely alone at either her place or mine. Anita and Dre are staying with her cousin in the suburbs for the night.