We Have Till Dawn

I shouldn’t do this. Before I pressed the switch, I knew it was wrong. It should be his choice.

I still flipped it, and the apartment flooded with a dim light.

I knew it.

Gideon sucked in a breath and looked away, but he remained sitting there. He didn’t leave. He balled his hands into fists, and his breathing sped up. No panic, though. Anxiety was part of life; doing something scary wasn’t necessarily bad, so that wasn’t going to stop me.

He was a stunning man of lean muscle, broad shoulders, and some silver at his temples. Nothing about him was small. My ass could testify… But it was time to see the rest of him.

“Sometimes you have to put yourself first,” I murmured. Moving slowly, I got up on my knees and shifted behind him. I brushed my hands up his arms and over his shoulders, and he shuddered. “I won’t push further without asking for permission, okay?” I didn’t even sneak a glance at the window, where I knew I’d be able to see his reflection. “Can I touch you like this? And kiss you here?” I nuzzled his neck.

He smelled so fucking good.

“I suppose,” he replied tightly. “This is highly unnerving.”

“Unnerving is okay.” I grazed my lips along his shoulder and peered down his front. Sexy chest, sexy chest hair, sexy thighs, sexy cock. “You’re outside of your comfort zone. That shit’s terrifying at times, but it ain’t bad. It makes us stronger.”

Funny how quickly the rock in my stomach crumbled into dust.

“I wanna ride that cock later.”

He swallowed. “Oh. Okay.”

I smiled against his skin and dropped an openmouthed kiss as I draped one arm over his shoulder to touch his chest.

“I, uh, I have fantasies about that,” he said.

“I remember.” Now I couldn’t stop touching him. My hands roamed his torso greedily, and it felt so damn good to be unshackled. “You’re a sexy man, Gideon. Out of this world sexy.”

“Thank you. So are you.”

I grinned. That sounded like one of those well-rehearsed, automatic responses he had in his arsenal. I’d heard a couple of them before.

“How are you feeling now?” I murmured.

He shivered. “Aroused and anxious.”

I could work with that.

“Can I get on your lap?” I wondered. “You can close your eyes if you want.”

He tensed up, and I was the jackass who focused on the definition of his muscles, but then he nodded jerkily, so hopefully his anxiety was manageable.

I made sure to touch him when I moved around him to get on his lap, just so he always knew exactly where I was. His eyes were closed, but I knew that handsome face. I’d seen it from afar last night.

Whereas I hadn’t shaved in a few days and had some scruff going on, he was clean-shaven and rocked a sexy, cut jaw. There was something about sharp lines that drove me bonkers.

He drew a breath through his nose and clenched his jaw, and it looked like he was struggling to relax. In an attempt to help him, I guided his hands up my thighs. I wanted him to feel me the way I did him, now that we were finally in this together.

“I love seeing you.” I cupped his jaw and leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“You do?” He let out a shaky breath and tightened his grip on my hips.

“Fuck yeah. Who doesn’t love seeing a gorgeous man?” I pressed my forehead to his and scooted a little closer, wanting his cock where it should be. “I think it’s safe for you to open your eyes.”

He shook his head minutely. “I don’t want to see any judgment.”

I furrowed my brow and inched back. “Why the fuck would I judge you?”

“I don’t know. Society as a whole is judgmental. No one wants to be common, but everyone wants to be normal. We judge what sticks out and what we don’t understand.”

He wasn’t wrong, and I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to try to fit into a bunch of boxes that weren’t made for me on a daily basis. I’d gotten a taste of it when I came out to a few friends in school who hadn’t already figured out I was gay, but that was about it. With my brother paving the way, I’d grown up in an accepting community, even with the church and old-school family members.

“I’m sure I’ve judged someone wrongly in my life,” I admitted, smoothing my fingers over his brow. He appeared so troubled, and I didn’t like it. “It’s easy to think you get something just by imagining it. But you don’t have anything to worry about with me, Gideon. I admire a person who will be true to himself and go after what he wants. That’s what you’re trying to do here, isn’t it?”

He grimaced a little. “It’s a compromise at best.”