“Fast-forward two years of slinging macchiatos and cheeseburgers,” I continued. “I forgot about the pretending and the personas, to use your words—presumably somewhere between struggling to pay the bills and going nowhere—and then I met you.” I cleared my throat, a little amused by how fucking naïve I’d been. “It didn’t even occur to me to pretend with you, Gideon. I’ve been out of the game for too long. You talk about breaking rules? I’ve already broken several of my own.”
“What rules?” he asked carefully.
I shrugged, even as my heart started pounding, and I went with honesty. “Don’t get involved, for one. Don’t get personally invested or attached. Don’t fuck without protection.”
He nodded slowly, and I kept facing forward and did my best to stay casual. I’d just admitted to him that I was getting attached to him, and I wasn’t sure he interpreted it that way. I didn’t even know if I wanted him to say he felt the same. It was a messy situation, one I couldn’t afford to lose. Thousands of dollars and my future were at stake, so whether he would go on with his life after this, or he would like to explore something else with me, it had to wait.
“We’ve both broken rules, then,” Gideon murmured.
“Mm.”
I welcomed the silence that followed. I wasn’t ready to hear anything, and he obviously had nothing to say.
It was for the best.
We kept walking in the New York night, hand in hand, talking a little, but saying nothing in particular.“Nicky, we gotta discuss this new song of yours after tonight.”
“No, we don’t.” I offered an innocent smile as Anthony rejoined us after getting a new microphone. We were supposed to rehearse at the church, but a Vigil service took precedence, so we’d opened up one of our rehearsal rooms at the academy tonight. The choir was here and warmed up, and then one of the microphones had acted up.
Anthony shot me an annoyed look before walking over to the platform in the back where the choir stood.
I knew what he wanted to say anyway. I wasn’t having it.
My phone buzzed on the top of the piano. It was a message from Gideon.
I’m not a fan of you having a day off.
I smirked.
I wasn’t a huge fan of it either. I missed him. It was fucking crazy how that man had gotten under my skin in just a month. But the outdoor concert was approaching, and my ass needed some recovery. Last night, Gideon had taken me for a walk in Hell’s Kitchen. We walked a lot these days, actually—to chitchat, of all things—and I had expected what’d become our new normal. A walk and then, when we came home, some good fucking until we fell asleep. Instead, he’d taken me hard in a dark alleyway behind a bar, and I’d been too turned on to point out that he hadn’t used enough lube.
I’d also been too turned on to ask for a break once we got back to the apartment. The man drove me bonkers and had revved up my sex drive to the max.
If I invited him down here—on a night I wasn’t charging him—would he show up? I mean, if he had nothing to do… Maybe we could go out for a drink afterward. It sounded so normal in my head, and I wanted something normal with him.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
I texted him quickly.
If you have nothing better to do, I’m rehearsing with the choir at my brother’s academy tonight. I’ll buy you a drink when we’re done if you’re interested.
“Okay, from the start,” Anthony announced. “We’ll do Nicky’s song after.”
Finally.
So far, we’d only worked on it separately. I’d sent the choir the sheet music along with my notes earlier in the week, and Anthony and I had tinkered with it during our lunch breaks.
I hoped it made the set list for the concert. We had enough Christian songs, one of which we were practicing tonight.
Anthony was amazing as always, and he existed only for the music. He sang and played guitar, facing the choir, while I sat at the piano. And it happened to give me a view of the hallway outside the rehearsal studio, and I spotted Shawn through the window about halfway through the song.
The fuck was he doing here?
He removed his beanie and mittens and glanced through the window, in search of Anthony, but his gaze landed on me first.
I cocked a brow.
He rolled his eyes and kept searching until he found his ATM.
Without regard to what we were doing, Shawn opened the door and walked over to Anthony.
It made me livid in a flash of a second, and I let out a sharp whistle.
“Oi! You can wait.” We were in the middle of the motherfucking song, and Anthony was concentrating.
My brother obviously heard me, and he furrowed his brow at me before he looked over his shoulder and saw his boyfriend.