Emily leaned in and threaded her fingers through mine. “Can we go back to my place? I can make you forget all about it for a while.”
Sex with Emily had been the best of my life. I felt like I needed to go. I needed to figure out where my feelings for her stood, and one way to do that would be to bury myself inside of her, to see if that amazing sexual chemistry we had before still existed.
It had been too long for me. And focusing my sexual energy on someone other than Amber was probably a good idea at this point in time.
I forced the words out. “Sure. Let’s go to your place.”***Once back at Emily’s apartment in Waltham, she didn’t waste time setting up a romantic atmosphere. The shades were drawn, and the lights were dimmed. She played Coltrane and poured me some of my favorite gin, which she’d bought likely knowing I would end up back here.
“I just want to put something out there…” she said.
I threw back the liquor. “Alright.” It burned the back of my throat.
“If we decide to give this another try, I would be open to moving to Chicago. I know in the past, I said I was tied to this area, but I feel like a new start could be really good for me. I know we’re not there yet, but I just wanted to make sure you knew that—that I would be willing to move for you.”
No, we definitely aren’t there yet.
“Noted,” I simply said.
At one point, she left me in the living room while she ventured into her room. I looked around aimlessly, my eyes landing on her bookshelves then wandering over to a sculpture of an elephant in the corner.
She returned to the living room before taking my hand to follow her back into the bedroom.
Why am I nervous?
This was by no means my first rodeo—far from it.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Candles that she’d lit flickered around us. She lifted off her dress to reveal a red, lace bra and matching panties. Red was always her color, accentuating her long, dark hair. My dick twitched as I took in the sight of her body.
She pulled me into her, and we kissed as I tried to calm down, caressing her back. Emily was rubbing her bare skin against me. I knew I could have slipped inside of her in two seconds flat and that she’d be wet and welcoming. But for some reason, instead of relaxing into everything that was happening, my muscles tightened. I realized in that moment that I was resisting. Why? Why was I moving away from this when my body was turned on? Something was off.
Threading my finger through the back string of her thong, I pulled on it and closed my eyes, determined to let myself get lost in her tonight. The thong made me think of Amber’s lingerie. Images of her underwear laying on the grass of the Boston Common flashed through my head. All of my thoughts then moved to Amber. My heart was now palpitating because suddenly the ass I was gripping was Amber’s. At least, in my mind it was. And I was getting harder.
To get lost in Emily was what I wanted, but it wasn’t what I needed. It started to hit me all at once: Amber was showing up to a hotel to supposedly fuck a stranger tomorrow. Tomorrow. But she didn’t really want him. She wanted me. Why couldn’t it be me? I was leaving town anyway. Why couldn’t I be the one to give her what she needed in the meantime? Either I was losing my mind, or this was making a lot of sense. I couldn’t figure out which option was correct.
And now, I was painfully hard thinking about this. Shit. I was in no state to be screwing Emily when all I could think about was sex with Amber.
Prying myself away, I said, “I don’t think I can do this tonight.”
She looked shocked. “What? Why?”
“I’ve got some things on my mind that I can’t shake. I’m really sorry, but I think I need to go home.”
The mood was understandably awkward for the next several minutes as Emily got her clothes back on.
“Will you call me when you’re feeling better, then?”
“Of course. I just need a little time to sort some stuff out.”
Everything was suddenly very clear to me. Before I could focus on anything with Emily or anyone else, I had to get Amber out of my system.CHAPTER TEN* * *AMBERAnnabelle picked up. “Hey. Are you on your way?”
My legs felt wobbly as I walked down Grove Street in my heels. “Yes. Can you remind me what the hell I was thinking? Now that this day is actually here, I’m seriously considering backing out.”