A carnival.
Oh, no.
Since when were there carnivals in the middle of the city and in the colder months?
Milo started walking faster, pulling me in the direction of the action. Once he had his mind set on something, it was hard to convince him otherwise.
Channing trailed behind us as we made our way toward the carnival lights, but I was totally freaking out.
When we got to the entrance, I immediately noticed how pale Channing looked.
This was not good.
“Go home, Channing. I’ll stay here with him.”
He shook his head. “I can’t leave you alone with him here. It’s too chaotic.”
“I’ll be okay.”
“No, I can’t leave. It’s too much for you. I’ll be alright.”
But it was clear he wasn’t. It was written all over his face.
My heart was breaking.
We let Milo lead the way. He mostly just wanted to wander through the crowd.
The sound of screaming children, faint music, and the occasional ringing of bells from the game booths all blended together as I tried to keep my focus on where Milo was leading me.
He pointed to the Ferris wheel, so I paid for a small strip of tickets and stood in line with him while Channing waited for us.
The five-minute ride was excruciating because all I wanted was to be on the ground with Channing.
After we exited the Ferris wheel, I said, “Milo, let’s go get something to eat, okay? We’re all done with the carnival. All done.”
By some miracle, he decided to listen to me. He let me lead him out of the fairgrounds to the exit.
Channing wouldn’t look at me as we walked down the street. I knew it was because he didn’t want me to see the sadness in his eyes.
When we got to the first intersection, he turned to me. “Will you be okay with him at dinner? I think I’m gonna head home after all, okay?”
I didn’t have to ask him why. “Absolutely.”***Illinois Sentinel
September 2, 2006Investigators looking into a deadly accident at the Briar Park Fair last week say corrosion was the likely cause of damage to metal on the ride that broke, killing two and injuring several others. The Devil’s Whip thrill ride had been approved for use just hours before the deadly accident.
Fourteen-year old Lainey Lord and fifteen-year-old Brandy Minor were killed when the car they were riding in detached and hit another car before plummeting to the ground. Five others on board were injured.
All rides at the fair were closed following the accident.
The ride’s manufacturer, Oregon-based Kelton, Inc., has ordered all owners of similar rides to cease operations until the investigation into the Illinois accident is complete.***I couldn’t get back to him fast enough.
Letting Channing go home alone after the carnival hadn’t felt right, but I had to get Milo something to eat before getting him back. I ended up dropping him off earlier than usual.
Channing was sitting alone in the living room when I got home. The TV wasn’t even on. He was just sitting in the quiet with a drink in hand. His head was resting back on the couch.
Letting my bag fall lazily to the floor, I made my way over to him. Ignoring our self-imposed rules, I placed my head on his shoulder. I could feel his pulse racing through his neck.
We sat in silence until he finally spoke. “Somehow I’d managed to avoid carnivals all these years. I’ve driven by a few but never went in. I thought that maybe because so much time had passed that I would be alright, but I really wasn’t.”
“You’ve buried so much of it inside of you for so long. It’s hard to think about even without the trigger of being in that environment.”
The night of Lainey’s accident, Channing had driven her and her friend, Brandy, to the fairgrounds. I had been invited to go along but declined because it was my dad’s birthday, and we’d planned to take him out to dinner that night. I always felt guilty about that, because maybe if I were there, the course of the evening would have changed somehow. Maybe she wouldn’t have been on that ride at the time.
Channing stayed at the fairgrounds and was there when the accident took place. I never knew the extent of what he’d seen because he would never talk about it. But I always suspected he saw it happen.
Right now, he looked so pained. I wondered if he’d ever talked about that night in any detail with anyone or if he’d simply kept it inside all of these years. The few times I’d tried to get him to open up to me about it, he never would.
He finally spoke. “I was terrified every second you were on that Ferris wheel tonight. Crazy, huh?”
“No, it’s not.” I put my arm around him, not giving a fuck about the rules at that moment. “I know you’ve never wanted to talk about it. But maybe you should.”