I stared at her. Shaking my head, I said. “You haven’t changed a bit. Still as good a friend at twenty-nine as you were at nine.”
Beth leaned forward and took my hand. “Let’s enjoy each other and the memory of my dad this week. Like the old days, like brother and sister. If my mind happens to wander to your six-pack or ass, just ignore it…it’s hormones.”
I arched a brow. “My ass? I thought you were only checking out my abs?”
She smiled. “Only when you’re facing forward.”“Ommmmm.”
Sitting in lotus position, with my palms together, I tried my best to follow along to the pregnancy meditation video I was watching on YouTube.
A very pregnant woman was demonstrating moves being narrated by a man who had a soothing British accent. A pretty beach was the backdrop. I’d never tried anything like this before, but if there was ever a time in my life to attempt it, it was now.
“Breathe in and breathe out,” he said. “Imagine that your baby can hear all of the positive thoughts emanating from your mind. Send love to the baby through your loins.”
My loins?
Gosh, I hoped my baby couldn’t hear any of the negative thoughts going through my mind lately. That would have been detrimental.
I’d decided to try yoga and meditation as a way to relax, get my mind off all of the stress I’d been experiencing lately, but I wasn’t quite sure if this was working for me.
The tune playing in the background of the video sounded like a cross between a lullaby and instrumental Chinese meditation music.
Some of the things that came out of the narrator’s mouth made me crack up. “Send peaceful vibes to your infant…imagine a beautiful light flowing up into your vagina and traveling to the baby.”
Into my what?
For some reason, all I could think about was what I imagined Rush would be saying if he were here. He would totally be making fun of this.
“I’ll travel through your vagina, alright. Like a fuckin’ rocket.”
“Let your love flow into the baby as you position yourself into downward dog.”
There was Rush again: “I’ve got lots of love to give you—doggy-style.”
I just kept hearing Rush and laughing, and that made me totally unable to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing.
Well, of course, I was hearing the old Rush, the one who wasn’t broken by the horrible twist of fate we’d encountered, the one who still talked to me.
Maybe I couldn’t get Rush out of my mind because I had no idea where he was or what he was doing. He’d check in on me through Oak but still hadn’t told me what he was up to or when he was coming back. In the meantime, I had no choice but to just continue on with my life, trying to write during the day and then working my shifts at The Heights at night. The only good thing was that my writing was really taking off. Not sure if that was because mental anguish spawned creativity or what. But I was seriously kicking ass with my story, and that was literally the only consolation about this entire ordeal.
“Embrace your child and imagine running through a field toward it.”
For some reason, when the man said that, all I could picture was running through an open field with my baby and Rush by my side. I just couldn’t imagine going through this journey without him, couldn’t foresee life without him. Whenever I imagined anything pertaining to the baby, Rush was always there. That was going to be a hard habit to break.That evening at work, I wasn’t feeling any more relaxed despite my best attempts earlier in the day. I’d stare down the hallway toward Rush’s office as if he was in there. His presence was everywhere, especially here. Being at The Heights was always the hardest part of the day to get through. Rush’s stamp was all over this place.
Oak made a point to come up to me during a slow period. “Hey, Gia. How are you feeling tonight?”
I shrugged. “I’m okay.”
God, that was such a lie.
“You sure about that? You seem really down. But I get it.”
“I miss Rush,” I confessed. “Has he checked in with you?”
Oak flashed a sympathetic smile. “Not today.” He paused. “But I think he was heading to the Grand Canyon, right?”
“The Grand Canyon? He’s out west?”
Oak’s face dropped. “Shit. You didn’t know he was out in Arizona?”
“No. I had no idea. What is Rush doing in Arizona?”
“Me and my big mouth.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said anything, but I didn’t think it was a secret. He went to a funeral out there. A man he was friendly with when he was younger died. Name was Pat.”
My heart was beating out of my chest. “Oh my God. The guy who was like a father to him growing up.”