“It’s okay.” She smiled. “There are no rules. You don’t have to say anything compelling.”
“I guess I just wanted you all to myself for a little bit, wanted your attention…or something. I think you’re amazing. You fascinate me.”
She looked genuinely perplexed by that statement. “Why?”
“I’m not referring to your looks. I’m talking about everything else.”
“You’re giving me a complex, ScreenGod.”
“What?” That certainly wasn’t my intention. “Why?”
“Compared to everyone else, you don’t seem very interested in me physically.”
That was laughable. “Are you kidding?”
“Well, you haven’t once asked me to take my shirt off or anything. Either you find me unappealing, or you might be a halfway decent guy. Still trying to figure it out.” She winked.
“Believe me, my thoughts when it comes to you are not entirely pure. It’s just that…what attracted me to you initially wasn’t just your looks. It was that you seemed different. Your violin preview photo was actually what sparked my curiosity in the first place.”
She bent her head back. “Ah, I probably scare more people off with that than lure them in, yeah? Not sure why I chose it. I thought maybe it set me apart from the rest of the girls, but I bet it deters some people, too.” She cackled. “Hey, here’s a question. What do I have in common with my violin?”
“Uh…I don’t know. What?”
“Our G-strings.” She laughed, and her boobs bounced. I swear that was therapeutic for me.
“Nice.” I chuckled. “Anyway, I think the violin thing is awesome. I was all about checking out the naked philharmonic. Where did you learn to play?”
She took a deep breath in. “My mother was a music teacher. She played a few instruments and taught me the violin.”
“Ah. Interesting. Makes sense now. Is that the only instrument you know?”
“Yeah.”
“Does your mother know you do this for a living? And that you’re so creatively incorporating music into it?”
Her expression darkened. She paused then said, “No. She’s gone. And she’d roll over in her grave if she knew about this.”
Well, okay. This conversation just took a depressing turn. “Oh. Um…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. She died when I was twenty.”
That definitely had an effect on me.
“My mother…she’s dead, too,” I told her. “She died a few years ago. So…”
“I’m sorry.” We just stared at our screens, bonding in our common losses for a bit before she asked, “How old are you?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“So, you were what? Twenty-five when she died? That’s too young to lose your mom—like me. I can relate.”
“How old are you?” I asked her.
“Twenty-four.”
I hadn’t invited her into this room to talk about heavy stuff. I wasn’t sure if I could handle it right now. A change of subject was definitely needed.
“So, what’s with all the props behind you? It’s like a circus up in there. I haven’t seen you use even half of them.”
“It’s like a cross between the circus and Hoarders, right?” She laughed. “It is crazy. They’re all things people have requested over time. You never know when you’re gonna need something. The only things that get used consistently are the dildos, though.”
“Well, yeah, you never know when you’re gonna need a feather boa or gigantic glasses in a pinch.”
“Right?” She cracked up. “I suppose I should probably declutter. I’ve accumulated a lot.”
“How long have you been doing this—the camming?”
“About a year and a half.”
I settled into the bed, feeling more at ease by the second. “Do you remember your first night?”
She blew out a breath and laughed. “Oh my God. Yeah. I was so nervous. I kept checking the lighting, changing my clothes…thinking all that stuff mattered. But once I was live, I realized pretty quickly that no one gives a shit about those little details.”
“So, you just…went on and winged it?”
She smiled. “Well, first I had a drink. A strong one.”
“I can imagine.”
“I remember looking at the room count, waiting for it to go up—it was really slow, at first. There were very few viewers. I almost just hung things up before it even started. I mean, there’s so much competition out there. I wasn’t sure if anyone would even show up. Once things got going, though, I got broken in real fast. I’ve heard and seen it all at this point.”
“Not all of it good, I imagine.”
She seemed to tense up. “No. Some of the things people say…it can be brutal.”
My blood boiled as I thought about some of the losers I’d seen in the short amount of time I’d been visiting her chat room. I was seething just thinking about it.
“They’re so fucking disrespectful. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve wanted to virtually kill.”
“Thank goodness the moderator usually removes those types pretty fast. The number-one rule is not to engage them. The beauty of this is that I make the rules. I don’t have to entertain anyone I don’t want to. And the end chat button is just one click away.”