Love Online

“Fuck. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“I have to assume I’ll run into a certain amount of assholes.”

His face was red. “Doesn’t fucking make it right.”

“Anyway, your email coming in that night—it actually made me cry, but not in a bad way. It made me realize that there are good guys out there who won’t shun me for what I do to make a living. You restored my faith in humanity, even though you didn’t even realize it. I really needed that message.”

Ryder looked like he didn’t know whether to be happy or sad about what I’d just admitted. “Well, I’m glad I could do that for you. I was genuinely concerned, but I didn’t even know you then. I didn’t know you would become an important part of my days. I can’t ever repay you for bringing me out of the funk I was in.”

It felt like I should be thanking him. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You’re a good human. You give of yourself to make others happy, whether you realize it or not. I know you’re doing the camming for the money. But you put your heart and soul into it. You listen to people’s worries. You give real advice that comes from within, and you fucking sing your heart out. You smile when you’re not feeling great because you’re a consummate professional.” Ryder stared off. “I’m sure if I told any of my friends about you, they wouldn’t get it. They’d tell me I was crazy. But if this is crazy, I don’t want to be normal, because I can’t remember a time when I’ve been happier.”

It felt like his soul was speaking to mine in that moment, because I was happier than I’d been in a very long time, too. My life had been dark for a couple of years, and connecting with Ryder had given me something to look forward to each day, something just for me and no one else. He was truly my guilty pleasure.

I knew this was going to end badly. It was only a matter of time before he would become tired of the limitations I’d set. His real life would interfere, and corresponding with me online would take a backseat to everything else. What we had would fade away. But even knowing that, I wasn’t going to be the first to let go.CHAPTER SIX* * *RYDERThey call it the New York of India. Mumbai was not only the home of Indian filmmaking, it was a mecca of shopping and commerce. Now that I was here, I couldn’t believe I’d ever been dreading this trip.

“I’m so happy you had some time to call me,” Eden said.

For the past few days, my schedule hadn’t allowed for any chatting with my favorite cam girl. But I’d finally found a moment to video-call her.

“I missed you. I had to make time.” It was so good to see her face. It was even more beautiful because I hadn’t seen her for a while, so it was almost like seeing her for the first time all over again.

“It’s been weird not talking to you. Tell me about India.”

“India’s a whirlwind, but I’m having a blast. This trip has definitely exceeded my expectations so far. I’m in Mumbai, which is the entertainment capital. It’s hot as balls here. I have a tour guide, Rupert. On the first day, he came to pick me up on a motorcycle. So that’s how I’ve been getting around—on the back of this little scrawny dude’s bike.”

“Wow. Be careful.”

“Yeah, we got caught in a monsoon the other day. That wasn’t really all that fun. The traffic flow is crazy here. I have never seen anything like it. It’s gonna be a freaking miracle if I make it home alive.”

She cringed. “Oh my God. Don’t say that!”

“I’m joking—sort of.”

“But you’re having a good time?”

“More than I thought I would, yeah. It’s been busy during the day, though, which is why I couldn’t break away for the past few days to chat. It’s been meeting after meeting. And at night, Rupert’s been showing me around, taking me to all the hot spots. Yesterday he took me on a walk along the Arabian Sea. It was pretty damn amazing. I thought of you a lot on that walk.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I thought about how you remind me of the ocean, a vast mystery.”

Eden was smiling, but it didn’t seem genuine. Something was definitely bothering her.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. Everything is fine.” She hesitated, then began to remove her hoodie. “Hang on. I’m just gonna take this off. I’m hot.” She never complained of being hot. It was usually the opposite; she was always cold.

I watched as she lifted it over her head. Underneath was a T-shirt that I saw for a blink of an eye before she removed it, displaying the tank top underneath. But I’d seen the T-shirt just long enough to catch what was on the front: Ellerby’s Grille Since 1985.