Love Online

“You’re Benny,” I said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

I noticed him silently repeating my words before he asked, “What’s your name?”

Surprised, I held out my hand. “Eden.”

Has Ryder never mentioned me?

He took it. “And how do you know my boy Ryder? I’ve seen you with him all day.”

Afraid of the answer, I asked, “Has he…not mentioned me?”

He squinted. “No. Can’t say he has. I’m sorry.”

A few seconds passed as I absorbed what that might mean.

“We’re dating—have been for a few months.”

Benny looked genuinely surprised. “No shit? Well, I’ll have to grill him about that. I guess he’s been holding out on me.”

Feigning a smile, I said, “Yeah. Guess so.”

“How did you guys meet?”

I gave the only answer that came to mind. “Online…”

“Really?” He stared over at Ryder and said, “Huh.”

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that Ryder doesn’t usually have to resort to that.” He must have noticed the not-so-happy look on my face when he shook his head and added, “I didn’t mean it that way. He just always has his pick of the litter wherever he goes.”

That didn’t make me feel much better. “Right.”

“Sorry. I don’t mean to be rude. I’m just surprised he did the online dating thing. You’re obviously a catch. And I obviously don’t know when to fucking stop talking. Jesus, I shouldn’t have smoked just now.” He wiped his forehead.

“It’s okay.” I just know so much about you, and you know nothing about me, not even that I existed, that’s all.

He drank out of a random glass of water on the table. “You live around here?”

“No, I live in Utah.”

“Utah?”

“Yes.”

“Are you a Mormon?”

Inwardly rolling my eyes, I answered, “No, I’m not.”

“Oh, okay. I know there are a lot of Mormons there.”

“Right. So, of course I must be Mormon.”

“Alright, I feel fucking dumb now. I’ve totally botched this convo. Sorry. I suck at life sometimes. I’m not good with social shit.”

“It’s okay. I’m not exactly good at it, either. Not to mention, I don’t fit in here at all.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Look at these people. I don’t have money or influence. I’m just a girl from St. George.”

“Well, I don’t fit in, either, and I’ve been living here my entire life. So…”

That made me smile a little. “Ryder tells me you own a marijuana dispensary?”

“Yeah. I love what I do.”

I can smell that. “I can tell.”

“So, you flew in just for this?” he asked.

“Yes.”

He looked over where Ryder was standing. “I’m really worried about him—how he’s gonna handle everything that’s gonna get thrown at him now.”

“What do you think will happen at the company?”

He looked contemplative. “I don’t know. My dad used to help run the studio. He always wanted me to get into it, but it was never my thing. Anyway, I know how much work goes into it just from watching him, and I don’t think Ryder’s going to be able to handle it all.”

We sat in silence as our gazes fixed on Ryder for a while.

Then Benny turned to me and excused himself. “Well, I’m just about ready for another smoke. You seem really cool. It was nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you, too.”

As unintentionally insulting as Benny had been, he was much more laid back than anyone else here. He didn’t quite fit, and that sort of made us kindred spirits.

After he left, though, the reality of our conversation hit me. Ryder had never mentioned me to him—one of his best friends. Was he ashamed of me? I’d never thought that before, but what other explanation could there be? I felt myself losing faith.

After Ryder wrapped up his conversation, he headed toward me.

He took a seat before grabbing my hand and kissing it. “Hey. Sorry for leaving you for so long.”

“It’s no problem.”

I wanted so badly to ask him why he’d never mentioned me to Benny, but I refrained. This was not the time to push guilt on him or start a conversation about our relationship. He had just buried his dad, for Christ’s sake. I’d have to hold my feelings in.

But quietly, the realization that he’d been keeping us on the down low put me in a different state of mind. I had to keep my guard up, not get my hopes up about anything. Ryder was surely going to need space over the next several weeks to deal with things at the studio. He was also going to be approached by Mallory, who planned to profess her undying love to him—a secret that was killing me, but was not mine to tell.***Later that afternoon, Ryder and I lay together in his living room. He had turned on the electric fireplace, and we were decompressing from the day’s events. I was positioned between his legs with my back against his chest on the chaise lounge. I could feel the rise and fall of his breathing.