Love Online

My heart felt filled to the rim with love for Ryder that had nowhere to go. I hoped I didn’t have to hold it inside forever. I so wanted to release it.

I reached into my jewelry box for one of my mother’s old necklaces. The charm on it was a Celtic symbol signifying strength. Placing it around my neck, I locked the clasp and straightened the chain.

It was time to go to work.CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN* * *RYDERMallory took a seat on my couch. She looked extremely nervous as she chugged down the last of her iced green tea until it was gone.

“What brings you by, Mallory?”

“Were you in the middle of an important call?”

“I was talking to Eden.”

It looked like it pained her to ask, “How is she?”

She was gearing up for something.

“What’s going on, Mal?”

“A lot.” She patted the seat next to her. “Will you sit down next to me so we can talk?”

I took a seat on the couch, specifically keeping my distance.

She ran her hand along the microfiber of the sofa. “I’ve missed being in this house. This was my home for so long. And it still feels like home to me.” She looked around as if she was reminiscing. At one point, she closed her eyes.

She moved closer, her leg almost brushing mine. My body went rigid. Her nearness was unsettling, and I couldn’t figure out if it was because of an instinctual physical awareness or fear.

She blew out a shaky breath. “I have so much to say. I don’t know where to begin.”

“Just start anywhere, then.”

Rubbing her palms along her knees, she nodded. “The night I ran into you at The Grove was really telling. There I was with the man I was supposed to marry, and the moment you said goodbye and walked away from me, I found myself aching for you. Seeing you after such a long time brought home the fact that I hadn’t gotten over you, not even a little bit. I’ve come to realize that my jumping into another relationship was an attempt to forget all of the pain I caused. The truth is, I’ve never gotten over you at all.”

My stomach felt uneasy. Now I knew exactly where this was going.

“That night, Aaron kept grilling me. He wanted to know why I was acting so strange, so preoccupied. I admitted that seeing you had affected me. Every day after that was worse than the next. I finally admitted I didn’t love him the way I needed to.” She stopped to look at me. “Aaron and I broke up because I’m still in love with you.”

At one time I’d longed to hear those words. This was definitely bittersweet—but too late.

I couldn’t help feeling a little defensive, too. “I’m sorry…I’m just really perplexed. Surely you can understand my confusion, given some of the things you said before you moved out.”

“I know what I said—blaming you for things that were never your fault, for what happened with our son. It took a lot of therapy and balancing my out-of-whack hormones to see clearly again.”

The fact that she’d been in therapy was news to me. She certainly hadn’t gotten help when we were together, despite me urging her to.

“I’m glad to hear you finally went to see someone.”

“My therapist made me realize my negative feelings were misdirected at you. I’m so sorry for blaming you. And I’m sorry for the words I used as weapons. I couldn’t continue to live my life without you at least knowing how sorry I am.”

“Is that why you came here? To apologize?”

Mallory got down on her knees in front of me—an awkward and desperate sight that broke my heart a little. Because as much as she had hurt me, I knew she was hurting, too. And I believed she was sincere. I believed she still loved me and regretted pushing me away.

“I came to ask you to give me a second chance…to give us a second chance before it’s too late. I still love you so much. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

This was incredibly surreal. I’d never imagined Mallory would come back, begging for another chance. And I certainly would have never imagined I would feel so…numb toward her. But what surprised me the most was the fact that all I could think about in this moment was Eden—how much I loved Eden and how hurt she would be if I were to leave her.

Hearing Mallory says these things forced me to face my true feelings. It could never work with Mallory or anyone else as long as I loved Eden.

I love Eden.

Fuck.

I really love Eden.

It was never clearer to me than in this moment. How ironic that it took Mallory coming back to make me realize exactly where my heart was. Maybe that’s how it works sometimes. It was only when I was given what I’d thought I wanted for so long that I realized what I’d grown to actually want, so purely and organically over the past several months. My love for Eden had been simmering for a long time, but right now it felt like it was exploding out of me.