I thought long and hard before addressing Mallory. But there was nothing to do but be honest.
“I’m so sorry for what we lost, especially your loss as a mother. Of course, I know you weren’t in your right mind right after the miscarriage. And there’s no need to apologize for anything you said to me. I don’t blame you for any of that.” Nudging her up off the floor, I said, “Please, sit. I need you to hear this.”
I waited for her to return to her seat on the couch before I said, “I waited for you to come back to me for a long time—two years. There were many nights I prayed to God that you would say the exact words that just came out of your mouth.” Taking her hand in mine, I said, “I cried over losing you and mourned the loss of our baby and our relationship, asking why over and over and never getting an answer. Losing you was undoubtedly the biggest heartbreak of my life, and a part of me will always love you.”
Here comes the hard part. “But the thing is…now I know why things had to end between us. We weren’t meant to be together, Mal. People who are meant to be together don’t break as easily as we broke. But more than that, I’ve found the person I’m meant to be with—and it isn’t you. I’m sorry.”
There was just no easy way to say it. And I felt a mix of emotions—sadness for Mallory and peace in knowing my heart now truly understood what it wanted.
A tear fell from her eye. “You really love this girl…Eden?” She wiped it away.
I didn’t have to think about my answer. “Yes. Very much.”
“She told me she cares about you, too. I just didn’t think things were really that—”
“What?” Mallory spoke to Eden? “She told you? How?”
“I talked to her in the bathroom at your dad’s wake. I told her I’d planned on getting you back and I still loved you. I asked her not to tell you about our conversation.”
“She knew this was going to happen?”
“Yes.”
Now it made sense, Eden’s strange mood the last night she was in California.
And her comment on the phone tonight: “Get it over with.”
Fuck.
She thought she was going to lose me to Mallory.
I had so much explaining to do, so much I needed to say to Eden. And it couldn’t wait any longer.
“I’m really sorry, Mallory. Like I said, I can’t tell you I don’t love you anymore, because that wouldn’t be true. A part of me will always love you and hold the time we had together close to my heart. But I know the right person is out there for you somewhere.”
It took several minutes for Mallory to compose herself. She finally stood up and said, “This girl better treat you right. She has no idea how lucky she is. No idea.”
After another moment, she moved from her spot.
“Take care of yourself,” I told her.
I walked her to the door and watched as she got into her car and drove away.***By the time a couple of hours had passed, my heart was bursting with the need to talk to Eden, to tell her I loved her. It was long overdue.
Mallory had forced me to search inside myself. I’d been so consumed by the aftermath of my father’s death that I hadn’t been able to pay attention to what I was feeling.
Fuck, I needed to tell her. Now. But she was right in the middle of her show, so I couldn’t talk to her.
The need to see her, though, was unbearable, especially when she might be thinking she was about to lose me. I needed to make sure she was okay. So I decided to turn on her show and watch for a while.
When I called up her page, Eden was sitting with her legs crossed, just talking and answering questions. She looked okay, not sad or anything, so that calmed me down a little. And my pulse definitely slowed any time I logged in and found her not naked. Thank God her clothes were on.
One of the questions someone typed in for her caught my attention.Luke893: Have you ever been in love, Montana? And how can you tell if you’re really in love with someone?She was still in the middle of answering a different question, so I wasn’t sure if she had seen that one. But I waited anxiously for her response.
After about a minute, she said, “Have I ever been in love, Luke wants to know.”
My heart pounded as Eden inhaled and closed her eyes.
Say yes.
“I most definitely have been in love, Luke. All I can say is…you just know when you love someone. But the most telltale sign is if the thought of losing them scares you more than anything. You spend years just fine on your own and then—boom. Someone comes along, and you realize you can no longer breathe without them. It’s…terrifying.”