Returning to the resort, I went back to my room and immediately pulled up WebMD on my phone. Scrolling through article after article, I was doing my best to learn more about MS in the short time I had before Reed came back.
Needing to figure out how I was going to approach it, I decided that I wasn’t going to tell him I knew. At least, not yet. When my phone rang, I picked up.
“Reed. Where are you?”
“How are you feeling today?”
“A little hungover, but I’m fine. How come you didn’t wake me this morning?”
“Trust me, you needed to sleep.” He paused. “Listen, you should know . . . I slipped during this morning’s climb. They made me go to the hospital just as a precaution. A few scrapes and bruises, but I’m fine. I’m already back in my room.”
Trying to act surprised, I said, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. I’ll be good to drive back to the city.”
“When are we heading back?”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
“I’d like to go soon,” I said.
“Okay. How about I swing by your room in about twenty minutes? We can grab some lunch then hit the road.”
“Sounds good.”The ride back to Manhattan was tranquil. I was afraid if I opened my mouth, I wouldn’t be able to hide my feelings. So I chose to say nothing at all.
Reed turned to me as the sun was starting to set over the interstate. “You okay?”
I finally looked at him. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
He seemed preoccupied. More silence passed before he asked, “Do you remember anything about last night?”
Last night.
Even if I did remember the details of our drunken encounter in my room, anything beyond the bombshell from this afternoon was a total blur.
“Bits and pieces.”
His voice was low. “Do you remember . . . the kiss?”
So it was real.
“Vaguely.”
He sucked in his jaw. “Nothing else happened. In case you were wondering.”
“I wasn’t.” That was the least of my worries.
“You passed out. I stayed for a while. Fell asleep. Then I left early in the morning.”
“Why did you stay?”
“I didn’t feel right leaving you. You were upset.”
“Well, thank you . . . for staying.”
“I take full responsibility for coming to your room, but we can’t get carried away like that anymore.”
I just kept nodding. And I could feel tears forming in my eyes. Shit. This was why I couldn’t talk to him. Turning my head to look out the window, I was hoping he didn’t notice my total loss of control.
Reed turned up the volume on the radio when Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” came on. The words reminded me so much of my situation with Reed because you only had so much control over another person’s feelings. I couldn’t make Reed see his future the way I did. He had to come to that realization himself. The song wasn’t helping my predicament.
“Charlotte, look at me.” When I turned to him, he could see my tears. “What the fuck? Don’t cry. Why are you crying?”
Because you have MS.
And because you believe that would matter to me.
Holding out my hand, I said, “It’s not about anything you said. I’m just feeling emotional. This Bonnie Raitt song that’s on . . . ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me.’ It’s depressing,” I lied, “and it’s also my time of the month.”
Reed simply nodded in understanding. He seemed to accept that explanation without questioning me any further.
Keeping everything in was taking a toll on me, and it hadn’t even been a couple of hours since finding out. Not even a full day, and I couldn’t hold it together.
The rest of the ride home was quiet.
After Reed dropped me off at my apartment, I immediately called an Uber to take me to Iris’s house.
Her doorman knew me and let me go right upstairs.
The moment she opened the door, the words fell from my mouth. “Do you know?” Brushing past her shoulder, I let myself in.
Her eyes filled with concern. “What are you referring to, Charlotte?”
Out of breath, I said, “The MS.”
Iris closed her eyes and walked toward the couch. “Come sit.”
I sat down and placed my head in my hands. “Iris, my heart is breaking. Tell me what to do.”
She placed her hand on my knee. “He told you?”
“No. I’m not supposed to know anything. I accidentally found out.”
She looked shocked. “How?”
“Long story short, we went rock climbing in the Adirondacks. Reed is okay, but he fell and needed to get checked out. We weren’t together when it happened. I followed him to the hospital. I overheard a conversation between him and his doctor. He doesn’t know I was ever there or that I know.” Placing my head in my hands, I was on the verge of tears yet again. “I don’t know how to handle this. I can’t just pretend like I don’t know. But I’m afraid he’ll be irate if he finds out.”