The hotel I’d booked on my phone was walking distance from the hospital, and check-in was smooth and quick. It wasn’t until the two of us were alone in the quiet room that I began to question if I’d done the smart thing by setting us up in a place with two giant beds.
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” Charlotte said.
“Are you hungry? The hotel has a twenty-four-hour room-service menu. Why don’t I order us something? You haven’t eaten anything since before we left New York.”
“Okay. Yeah. I guess we should eat. Thank you.”
“What would you like?”
“Whatever you’re having.” Charlotte’s drooping shoulders and the sadness in her voice were killing me.
“So two orders of double cheeseburgers, large fries, a milkshake, and dessert?”
“Sure.”
I’d been teasing—although I didn’t think she really wanted all that food. So I tested if she was paying attention. “Okay. I’ll also order a double of pigs’ knuckles and roasted squirrel.”
When I looked over at her, she responded, “That sounds good.” She’d had no idea what I’d just said.
Room service came just as Charlotte emerged from the bathroom. I wasn’t sure if it had been really quick or her shower had been really long. I lifted the silver cover from the first plate. “Chicken Caesar salad?” Setting it down, I lifted the second cover. “Or penne alla vodka?”
“I’m sorry. I’m not really hungry.” She sighed. Charlotte had on a thick white hotel robe, and her wet hair was wrapped in a towel on top of her head. She wasn’t big to begin with, but buried underneath all that, she looked downright tiny in the moment. I rubbed at a spot on my chest, even though the pain was inside.
“Come here.” I opened my arms, and she didn’t hesitate to walk into them. She closed her eyes and let out another loud breath as I wrapped her in a tight embrace. I stroked her back. “It’s been a long day. Or two days. You should get some sleep.”
She made no attempt to move but nodded. “Will you hold me? Lie with me, I mean.”
“Of course.”
Together, we went into the bedroom. I slipped off my shoes and took off my dress shirt, stopping short of removing my pants and white undershirt. Charlotte needed my support, not an erection prodding at her ass. Pulling back the covers, I slipped into the bed and held my arms out for her. She unwrapped the towel from her head and snuggled into me, her wet head resting on my chest right over my heart.
I wanted to say something—to offer some sort of verbal support. But it felt like the words were trapped in my throat. Instead, I did what felt natural and stroked her head with one hand and her back with the other.
After about ten minutes, I thought she’d fallen asleep, but she whispered, “Thank you for this gift, Reed. Even though my heart is broken into a thousand little pieces because she’s slipping away and I’ll never get to know her, in a weird way, I feel like it’s the first time that I have all my pieces. I’ve always felt like a few were missing.”
I kissed the top of her head and firmed up my grip around her. “It’s my pleasure, Charlotte. I just wish that things with her health could be different.”
A few minutes later, she drifted off to sleep. I chose to stay awake and enjoy the feeling of her sleeping peacefully in my arms. It felt so right. So amazing to do nothing but lie with the woman I’d fallen for on my chest and pretend that this was my life.
I wanted it to be my life more than anything.
But seeing the emotional distress Charlotte felt watching a woman she’d really just met dying was a glaring reminder that it couldn’t be my life.
This woman finally had all her pieces, and I wasn’t about to take one that I might never be able to give back.CHAPTER 32
CHARLOTTE
“Will she suffer?”
Reed stood behind me squeezing my shoulders as we spoke to the doctors outside of Lydia’s room. Jason had said they were facing some tough decisions, but hearing the team of doctors recommend turning off life support this morning made it real. Really real.
“We’re giving her a sedative and pain medication to keep her calm and relaxed,” Dr. Cohen said. “We would increase the dosage before we remove the ventilator so that she wouldn’t feel any pain.”
“How long would she . . . is she even capable of breathing on her own?” Jason asked.
“It’s hard to tell. There’re always exceptions, but in general, with a patient in your mother’s medical state, we wouldn’t expect her to make it more than a few days. Likely less.”
Jason swallowed. I could see he was trying to hold back tears. Reed and I had been standing on the left side of the three doctors that had come for rounds, my brother on the right side alone. I walked over and stood next to Jason, taking his hand. He looked at me, nodded, and cleared his throat. “We have another brother that goes to college out in California. He’s flying in tomorrow. I’d like to wait to discuss it with him and also give him a chance to see her.”