I hated to say it. I really hated to say it, but I needed my brother. Max’s head was in the clouds half the time. He was self-absorbed and not necessarily in the loop with my life. That was partly my choice for not opening up to him when it came to Charlotte. But when the shit really hit the fan, he was always the one I turned to for advice at the eleventh hour.
Since Charlotte was taking some time off, it was the perfect opportunity to ask Max to meet me at the office for an impromptu meeting to catch up. Even though it wasn’t the usual day of the week that he normally decided to grace us with his presence, Max made a special trip in to see me after I left him an urgent voice mail.
He sauntered into my office with a box of doughnuts and two coffees, because urgent matters apparently warranted doughnuts. Max was the only person I knew who could consume endless amounts of crap and still maintain a toned, rock-hard body.
He took a bite of his cruller and spoke with his mouth full. “Dude . . . you dying or something? I can’t remember the last time you called me in just to talk.”
I could remember. It had been after I’d found out I had MS. That was literally the last time I’d asked Max to meet me for an emergency powwow.
“Sit down, brother,” I said.
“What is this about?”
“It’s about Charlotte.”
“You got it bad for her. Grandmother told me you helped her find her birth mother out in Texas, that the mother died. That’s crazy. How’s Charlotte doing?”
“She’s with her parents upstate, taking some time off. The Texas trip sort of did me in, too, in more ways than one.”
He squinted. “You fucked her, didn’t you?” My lack of denial was enough for him to add, “You lucky bastard.”
Letting out a long breath, I said, “I need you to figure this out for me, Max.”
“What’s there to figure out?”
“You know what. I never wanted to get involved with her, never wanted to take things this far, because of my diagnosis. I fucked up royally.”
“You fucked her royally. I don’t see the problem with that at all.” He picked up another doughnut and waved it at me. “You want me to tell you how to get rid of the best thing that’s ever happened to you and not have it hurt like hell? You think I’m some kind of fucking magician? There is no easy answer to this because you’re in love with the girl, am I right?”
Taking a deep breath in and out, I conceded, “Ass over head in love with her.”
“Then be with her. She knows everything about you. She’s accepted it. Be with her, Reed.”
“What if I can’t? What if the guilt is too much? How do I leave her? Tell me how to leave her.”
“There’s no happy medium. Either you be with her, or you stop. You just stop cold turkey. You don’t lead her on anymore, and you don’t try to be her friend, or be her fucking hero, because we both know that’s a bunch of bullshit. You’re beyond that point. And I hate to say it, but you really can’t work together if you decide to walk away from this. That shit won’t work. You’ll continue to slip, and you’ll end up in the same situation, and that’s not fair. So either shit or get off the pot. And you’d better find her a new job if you decide to walk away. She’ll be okay. Believe me, there are plenty of men who would love to lick her wounds.”
I knew he added that last part to test me. He knew that would make me crazy. His words were harsh, but I knew they were the goddamn truth. There was no middle ground with Charlotte. Either I was all in or all out.
“Max, you’re nothing if not a straight shooter. Thank you. I needed the slap in the face.”That night, alone in my apartment, I stared out at the skyline, no more certain of what I should do. The only thing I was certain of was that Charlotte and I really couldn’t ever just be friends. It would be too painful to watch her moving on with her life. There would never be a time when I didn’t want Charlotte Darling more than my next breath.
When my cell phone rang past midnight, I’d almost ignored it until I saw it was her.
I picked up. “What are you doing up so late?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
My body stirred at the mere sound of her voice, a testament to exactly how weak I was when it came to her. It was much easier to consider a hard break from Charlotte when I wasn’t looking at her or even hearing her voice. Even without her around, I was perpetually hard just thinking about our night together.