I couldn’t let my mind go to the dark side. I needed to be there. I needed to be strong for him.
After Ming’s father parked the car at the drop-off area, I expected her to say goodbye. Instead she grabbed my hand and prompted me to run with her. “Come on.”
“You don’t have to come with me. I can board myself.”
“Are you kidding? I’m not letting you go to Pennsylvania alone.”
She’s coming with me?
“You don’t even have a bag.”
“I don’t need one. Come on.”
“Thank you,” I breathed, overwhelmed by her gesture.
“Of course.”
We managed to board the plane in the nick of time. When the engines roared, it was the first moment I could breathe. I was on my way to him. Ming grabbed my hand as we took off, and once again I thanked my lucky stars that I didn’t have to go through this by myself.
As I stared out at the night sky from thousands of feet in the air, I tried not to think the worst. I tried not to focus on the fact that I knew damn well that aneurysms were bad news. In high school, I’d lost my beloved music teacher to one. But that wasn’t going to happen to Noah. No. No. It couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to think about that.
Focus on the raindrops on the window. Focus on the sound of the juice cart being wheeled down the aisle. Focus on the feel of Ming’s hand.***The hospital was about a thirty-minute drive from the airport. I’d done a good job of not focusing on the negative while on the plane, but things felt different now that I was on land again. I wanted to be better prepared for whatever I might find, so I made the mistake of Googling aneurysms on my phone in the car.
Fifteen percent of patients die before ever reaching the hospital.
Four out of seven people will have disabilities.
Even if people survive a rupture, there’s a chance of re-bleeding. Approximately seventy percent of those people die.
My phone fell out of my hands, and I felt myself hyperventilate.
Ming held on to me. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
“Nothing can happen to him,” I cried.
I kept wanting Ming to tell me everything was going to be okay, but she never did. I knew she didn’t want to promise something she couldn’t guarantee.
When we got to the hospital, Ming did all of the talking to find out where we needed to go. As we entered the surgical waiting area, I realized I didn’t even know what Noah’s dad looked like. Just when I was about to text Noah’s phone, someone called my name.
“Heather?”
I turned around to find an older man with Noah’s big brown eyes staring back at me—eyes that looked red from crying.
“Yes!” I cried. “Hi.”
“No news yet. He’s still in surgery,” he said as he pulled me in for a hug.
His warmth was comforting. So relieved to finally be here, I expelled a breath. At least nothing had changed for the worse. There was still hope.
“Are you alone?” I asked him.
“Yes. Noah’s mother and brother are flying in from Minneapolis, but they won’t get here for another few hours.”
It broke my heart that he’d been waiting here by himself.
“Oh, um…this is my friend Ming. She accompanied me here.”
“Hi,” he said.
Ming smiled. “Pleasure to meet you.” She turned to me. “I’m gonna find a bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
After she left, I faced Mr. Cavallari again. The look of fear in his eyes was enough to shatter whatever protective mechanisms I’d been using thus far. I could feel my tears creeping in.
Judge Judy was playing on the television mounted on the wall. Her abrasive tone was particularly agitating, given my state.
“We have to stay positive.” Noah’s dad took my hands in his. “Do you believe in prayer?”
“In all honesty, I grew up without religion and never prayed much. But I’ve prayed non-stop since leaving Vermont. It’s almost instinctual, just desperate wishes for anyone up there who will listen.”
“Good.” He nodded. “Keep it up.”
“I will.” I paused, my emotions bubbling over. “Mr. Cavallari, Noah is everything to me.”
Still holding my hands, he said, “You mean so much to him. When he talks about you, his entire being lights up, like I’ve never seen before.”
“He has to be okay. He just has to.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw a woman with long, dark hair. I realized she was Olivia, Noah’s ex-wife.
She looked right at me. With tears in her eyes, she said, “You must be Heather.”
“Yes.”
“I’m—”
“Olivia. I know. It’s good to meet you.”
“Good to meet you, too.”
It was amazing how feelings like jealousy could take a backseat in times of crisis. In a strange way, I wanted her here. Noah needed the support and good vibes of everyone who cared about him right now.
Olivia embraced Mr. Cavallari.