Gavin: Oh. Crap. That’s right. Sorry. I didn’t recognize you with all that green shit on your face.Way to stump me.Raven: I don’t have anything on my face. This is just my skin.The audience laughed.
I didn’t think it was that funny. Maybe this was how it worked? Somehow everything is funny because it’s one big clusterfuck?Gavin: I married the Grinch?
Raven: Apparently!
Gavin: I’m very uncomfortable right now.
Raven: I’m making you nervous?
Gavin: It’s not you, actually. I have…gas.More laughter.Raven: That’s so sexy. Tell me more.
Gavin: Do you have something I could take for it?
Raven: No. You’ll have to go to the store.
Gavin: Okay. Be right back.Gavin pretended to go away, and then returned.Gavin: Baby, I’m back!
Raven: Did you have any luck?
Gavin: I got you these chocolate-covered strawberries. Because we were fighting. I think we should make up.
Raven: We weren’t fighting! You had gas.
Gavin: Oh, I must have forgotten. Anyway, have some!I pretended to take a strawberry and put it in my mouth. Then I had the bright idea to act like I was choking on it.Raven: Oh my God. These are horrible! What did you put in them?
Gavin: Okay. Promise not to get mad?
Raven: What did you do?
Gavin: That’s not chocolate.The audience roared.Raven: It’s poop?
Gavin: No, not poop.
Raven: What is it, then?
Gavin: I forget what the guy said it’s made out of, but it’s supposed to be an aphrodisiac.
Raven: You went to get Gas-X and came back with strawberries that taste like shit that are allegedly an aphrodisiac? Why?
Gavin: You really want to know?
Raven: Yes.
Gavin: It’s because I’m horny. And I’m pretty sure this dry spell is the entire reason for not only my gas, but all of our other problems, including your green skin.
Raven: There’s nothing wrong with my skin!
Gavin: I’m sure Shrek would agree.I decided to start making frog sounds.Gavin: Well, this explains it! You’re a frog?
Raven: No. I just swallowed one.
Gavin: At least you’re swallowing something. Is this why you won’t sleep with me? You’ve been messing around with frogs?
Raven: No, I’m just not attracted to you anymore. (More frog sounds.)
Gavin: Is there someone else?
Raven: Now you’re turning green. It must be jealousy.He looked down at his arms.Gavin: Holy shit. I am. What have you done to me?The ridiculous skit went on for about fifteen minutes. But as I settled into it, I knew Gavin had my back, that he’d save me if I blanked out. Luckily, he never had to.
After our performance, we stayed to watch a few others before opting to leave.
A brisk evening breeze blew my hair around as we exited the club.
Adrenaline still ran through my veins. “That was so freaking cool.”
“See! I told you.”
“I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun.”
“You’re a natural.”
Nudging him with my arm, I said, “I bet you say that to all the girls you take to improv.”
“Actually, I’ve never taken anyone with me before.”
I stopped in front of his car. “Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve only ever done it alone, performed with strangers.”
“Well, I’m glad you made me come.”
He went to open his mouth.
“Don’t you dare make an innuendo out of that one, Masterson.”
“You know me so well…”
“That you have a dirty mind? Yes. You’re pretty funny, too. I’ll give you that.”
“Funny. Alright. I’ll take that. Anything else?”
I wanted to say incredibly handsome and charming…sexy. Instead, I winked. “That’s it for now.”
He took his keys out. “Let me drive you home.”
“I told Marni to expect a call from me for a ride.”
“You’re gonna make me face her again? I might not survive it a second time.”
That made me laugh. She had been harsh with him.
He disarmed the car. “Come on. I’ll take you straight home. No detours.”
I supposed there was no harm in letting him drive me. “Okay.”
He came around and opened the passenger door for me. The familiar smell of his car—leather mixed with his cologne—was as arousing as ever.
As he began to drive off, he looked at me. “I know I said no detours, but…”
“But…” I laughed.
“Steak ‘n Shake is right down the road, and I never did feed you tonight. I figure the humble likes of Steak ‘n Shake is a good way to counter the rich and entitled impression Marni has of me. They also make my favorite milkshakes. Win-win.”
My stomach grumbled. “I could go for a shake.”
“Yeah? Let’s do it, then.”
When we got to the drive-thru, we each ordered a steakburger, fries, and a milkshake before scarfing the food down in comfortable silence while parked in the lot.
When he noticed me typing on my phone, he asked, “Who are you texting?”
“I had to let Marni know you’re taking me home.”
“What did she say?”
“Not sure you want to know.”
“Show it to me. How bad could it be?”
Unsure of what would be worse—letting him see it or withholding—I reluctantly handed him the phone.Marni: He’s a devil in sheep’s clothing. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.