Hailey looked to me, then to Hollis. “Okay.”
“I’ll see you in ten minutes for dinner, kiddo,” Hollis said as he got up and exited the room.
I gave her a hug on my way out. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hollis and I walked together to the door.
He spoke low. “What a clusterfuck.”
“She’s way more perceptive about you than I ever imagined.”
“The connection she made about Anna…” he said. “It caught me off guard. But she’s right. If I couldn’t talk about that situation, what’s to make her believe I could handle seeing you every day if things went south between us? We need to make sure we’re not kidding ourselves here, Elodie.”
This situation was the perfect excuse for Hollis to doubt us again.
My guard went straight up. “And how exactly do we not kid ourselves, Hollis?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe we need to slow down a bit.”
Are we seriously back at this place?
“Is this about Hailey or about you? I honestly don’t know.”
His jaw ticked, but he didn’t respond.
I lowered my voice. “You want to fuck me. You’ve made that very clear. But I think you’re still not sure if you’re ready for more. Wanting to be ready and actually being ready are two different things. You’re always looking for an excuse to back away.” I turned toward the door. “I have to go.”
I opened it and addressed him one last time. “This is never going to be risk-free, Hollis. There’s always going to be a chance I could hurt you or you could hurt me. We have to decide if being with each other is worth the risk.”
He said nothing as I walked away.***I headed straight to Bree’s house when I got back to Connecticut. I hoped she was in the mood to talk.
She looked even more gaunt than the last time I’d seen her.
“Have you eaten today?”
She straightened in her chair. “Yeah. Mariah brought me some taco pie. I had a little.”
“How long ago was that?”
“This afternoon.”
“Can I make you something?”
“No.” She coughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “Tell me what happened tonight. You seem upset.”
“Hailey caught Hollis and me making out in the kitchen.”
“Shit. Okay.”
“We had to have a talk with her and explain everything. She was a little weirded out, and that surprised me.”
Bree sighed. “Well, as she gets more attached to you, I suppose the fear of losing you is more pronounced.”
“Did I tell you I finally got Hollis to open up to me a little about his past relationship?”
Bree shook her head no and downed her water.
“This girl—her name was Anna. She was his long-time girlfriend. Anyway, she broke his heart, out of left field. He hadn’t seen it coming. He’s been reluctant to get involved with anyone since. She’s the reason his bird, Huey, says nothing but ‘Anna’s home.’”
She wiped her mouth with her sleeve. “Wow.”
“Anyway, Hailey alluded to the Anna thing. She’s more aware than we thought that her uncle has trust issues, and I think she’s just as scared as I am that things won’t work out.”
“She sounds like a smart girl.”
“Well, now that she knows, it’s a wake-up call that I really do stand to get hurt here. We’ve gotten caught up in our sexual attraction, but if he has trust issues—and let’s face it, so do I—is it smart for me to sleep with him and get even more attached? Not to mention, he immediately started acting weird again toward me after she found out.”
Bree fell into another coughing fit.
“Let me get you some more water.”
I ran to the fridge and filled her glass before handing it to her.
She drank some, and then looked up at me.
“Listen, Elodie. I want you to hear me out, okay?”
I sat down on the ottoman across from her. “Alright…”
“I would give anything to have the dilemma you’re experiencing. You’re asking yourself if you should take a chance on the possibility of love. I don’t have the opportunity to take such a chance. I’m not saying this to make you feel sorry for me, just to give you a different perspective—your problem is a good one to have. There’s only so much thinking you can do about something before you’ve totally wasted your life away. Just do what feels good and stop overthinking everything, for the love of God.”
I’m such an idiot. All I do is come here and complain to Bree about problems that are solvable. Meanwhile, she’s suffering from an incurable disease.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Idiot.
“I promise to try to heed your advice. Thank you as always for listening.” I knelt next to her. “Please tell me what I can do for you, Bree.”
“Actually, there is something…”
“Anything.”
“I was wondering if you’ll be around this weekend.”
This weekend.
I was supposed to spend it with Hollis. In any case, my friend came first.
“Of course I can be around. What’s up?”
“Well, I’m not sure how things are going to go for me in the next few months. I’ve been talking to my father about going to the lake house in Salisbury. I’d really like the whole family to be there. Unfortunately, that means Tobias.” She laughed a little. “Do you think you’d be able to come up with us?”