Please don’t let her suffer like this.
Memories of Anna flashed through my mind. She’d been my rock at the worst of times during my mother’s illness. That was what always stuck out. No matter how things ended between us, I’d never forgotten that or stopped appreciating it. Seeing her in this state was the worst kind of deja vu. It felt like the cruelest of life’s jokes.
Richard must have noticed the continued horror on my face because he took me aside.
“Hollis, son, I know how much Brianna meant to you. I’m sorry you had to find out like this.”
God, if this was difficult for me, I could only imagine how he felt. Anna was always a daddy’s girl.
I asked a dumb question. “How are you possibly handling this?”
“Well, you know….” He hesitated and his eyes filled with tears. His voice trembled. “She’s my little girl.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
I wasn’t the type of guy who easily embraced another man, but in that moment I didn’t hesitate to wrap my arms around Richard. Fuck, we were consoling each other. Richard always used to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough for his daughter. I eventually realized it wasn’t a reflection on me, but more of how much he loved her and felt she deserved the absolute best. I’d just begun to earn his trust when Anna suddenly ended things with me.
After we let each other go, my eyes returned to Anna.
I’d had so much anger in my heart toward her over the years. But in this moment, all I wanted was a miracle. She was a damn good person who didn’t deserve this fate. In my heart, I knew the situation was dire and expecting a miracle was a long shot. But I couldn’t give up hope.
I looked over at Elodie, and my pain magnified. I was supposed to be holding her hand through all of this but could hardly sustain myself. I only hoped she would understand.
Richard walked to the door. “I’m gonna get some water.”
Needing another breather, I said, “I’ll go with you.”
As we walked down the hall together, I asked, “Do you remember how long after our breakup she was diagnosed?”
Richard blinked. “I don’t, Hollis. But it probably wasn’t long. Even after she discovered she had this disease, she was absolutely fine for a long time. Things really only got bad the past few years.”
“What happened to the guy she was with?”
The one she left me for…
He blinked as if to try to remember. “It didn’t last,” he said.
She’d devastated me for a relationship that didn’t even last? Did he leave her when he found out about her illness? And how long had Richard himself been married? Anna’s mother had died when she was a baby, but he hadn’t had a girlfriend that I knew of. And he just happened to marry a woman whose son Elodie married? I had so many questions, but this wasn’t the time to ask them. I’d asked enough for now.
Richard drank from the water fountain. I placed my hand on his shoulder as we walked back to the room.
Upon my return, Elodie’s eyes met mine, and the sadness in them was palpable. I was sure she could see the same feeling in mine. We held each other, despite the awkwardness of Richard and Mariah watching us. Elodie burst into tears in my arms. As much as I might have needed to, I couldn’t cry. Still stifled by my shock and confusion, the build-up of emotions inside of me wouldn’t come out.
A doctor finally came in to talk to Richard.
“The next twenty-four hours are going to be critical,” he said. “I really wish I could tell you one way or the other how things are going to go, but we just don’t know. Right now, she’s completely reliant on the machines. We’ll test the waters tomorrow to see if she can breathe on her own. But we’re not going to try anything tonight.”
“What would you say the chances are of a full recovery?” Richard asked.
The doctor’s face was grim. “It doesn’t look likely. Given your understanding of her disease and the prognosis, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. That doesn’t make this any easier. I know that. I’m so sorry.”
It was incomprehensible that Anna could die so young, that her father would have to say goodbye. It was painful enough losing a parent. I couldn’t imagine losing a child. I chose to focus on what losing Anna meant to Richard because I couldn’t even fathom what it meant to me. I hadn’t spoken to her in years, but she was never far from my mind. She was the person who’d impacted my life the most.
And yet I’d had no idea what she’d been going through all these years. If I had, my attitude toward her certainly would have been different. I’d been filled with such disdain for her; meanwhile, she’d apparently been suffering the majority of the time.