Hesitantly, I walked toward Bree’s bed. My feet felt so heavy as I approached. Hollis’s back was to me, so he didn’t see me coming. But when I got within a few feet, I heard his voice, and it stopped me in my tracks.
“I broke a promise I made to you.” He reached up and took one of her hands in his, and my chest constricted so tight it felt difficult to breathe. Yet I stayed frozen in place.
“I realized it when I was walking through the hospital last night on my way out and saw the signs for the pediatric oncology unit. Do you remember the night you made me promise I’d never stop my visits? It was the night Adam died.”
Hollis went quiet for a long time. I should have backed out, given him some privacy. But I just couldn’t move. He let out a loud rush of air before continuing.
“You were his first kiss. And his last.” He shook his head and gave a dry chuckle. “I was jealous of that kiss. Don’t think I ever told you that. You gave a dying nineteen year old who had a crush on you his first and last kiss of his life, and I was jealous of him in that moment. How’s that for possessive and fucked up?”
He cleared his throat. “The night Adam died, you made me promise I’d never stop visiting the pediatric oncology unit to play video games. But I did. I stopped after you walked out on me. I still sent a check at Christmas every year, to make sure the unit could get new games and stuff, but I stopped going, Anna. We’re all made of good and bad. But when you left, you fucking took all the good parts of me with you. I didn’t even realize I could get those parts back until recently. I’d thought they were gone forever.” He paused. “Anyway, last night, instead of going home, I wound up at a twenty-four-hour Walmart. I picked up some games and a new gaming console and brought them up to the unit here in the hospital. The nurses were nice and let me hook it up. And I met Sean while I was doing that. He’s fifteen, in for his second round of chemo, but he’s in pretty good spirits. Kicked my ass in Grand Theft Auto.”
He squeezed Bree’s hand. “I think I stopped going because I was so pissed at you. Last night, meeting Sean brought back a lot of memories. Memories of both of us sitting in that pediatric unit playing with those kids. Memories of you being by my side every damn day when my mom was sick.”
He shook his head, and I felt tears sliding over my cheeks. “I don’t know what happened between us. But I remember how much you were there for me. And I’m going to be here, Anna. Right by your side, like you were always there for me.”
A nurse walked up behind me and touched my shoulder. Startled, I jumped.
“I’m sorry. I thought you saw me. Would you like me to bring over another chair? So you can both sit with Brianna?”
Hollis turned around, and our eyes locked. “Elodie.”
“I…I need a moment.”
I practically ran out of the ICU. Once I was in the hall, I saw an illuminated Exit sign to the left, so I rushed in that direction. A door led to a stairwell, and all I wanted to do was hide and be alone. I managed to make it down one flight before I had to stop and sit on a step because I was crying so hard I could barely see.
I wasn’t even sure what had upset me.
Was it the story Hollis told Bree, and the realization of how deeply he’d loved her, or the fact that my best friend was lying on her deathbed?
Both, I guessed. It was just too much to handle at once.
Luckily, very few people took the stairs at seven in the morning. So I sat on that step for a long time all by myself and let it all out. Eventually, when I had no more tears left, I walked down to the first floor and re-entered the hospital. I wandered around, not quite sure where I was going, until I noticed a sign for the chapel.
The tiny sanctuary had only a half dozen pews on each side and an aisle that led to a simple altar. The room was dark and empty, and I didn’t bother to turn the lights on. Instead I took a seat in the back row and said a few prayers quietly with my eyes closed. It was the most peace I’d had in the last twenty-four hours, and I felt my shoulders drop and some of the tension in my neck unfurl.