I’d been giving him as much space as I could, but it was frustrating. I missed him. I missed his touch. I missed his attention. Maybe that was selfish, but I did. I felt lonely and wanted him back.
But you can’t force someone to get over something that’s haunting them. They need to do it on their own terms.
Just because I understood his behavior, though, didn’t mean I wasn’t starting to lose patience. The one thing no amount of reflection or time could do was bring Bree back. So why not try to get our lives back?
The door burst open, and I nearly dropped the broom I’d been holding because it scared the shit out of me. Hollis wasn’t due home for another couple of hours, and Hailey had gone to a friend’s house after school for a sleepover.
“What are you doing home?”
“I am finally home.” He was out of breath as he said, “I’m so sorry I’ve been stuck in my head for so long.”
It was as if my Hollis had come out of a coma. He rushed to me and brought me into an embrace.
Thank you, God.
Speaking into his chest, I breathed him in and said, “You don’t need to apologize.”
“Yes, I do. You needed me, and I failed you.” Hollis pressed his lips against mine, and my entire body came alive.
After he kissed me hard, he said, “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve just been afraid to admit it, afraid to feel things I perceived as selfish. Not to mention, I’ve been lying to you for two weeks.”
My heart started to palpitate. Lying? “What do you mean?”
“I haven’t been working in the office. I’ve been wandering the city, eating at every greasy spoon I could find—just doing nothing. I can’t remember the last time I did that. I didn’t want to tell you because I felt like I should’ve asked you to come with me. But I needed to be alone. I needed to not work and just…be.”
Wow. “Where else did you go?”
“Lots of random places. A Yankees game, the park—I played video games with Sean at the hospital, and I visited Anna’s grave. But I finally found the light at the end of the rainbow, so to speak. Today I went to the pediatric oncology ward, and it’s a long story, but something important finally clicked while I was there.”
“What was that?”
“It’s okay to smile in the midst of darkness. It’s okay to be happy—our loved ones want that. I’m not gonna feel sorry anymore for loving you, Elodie. I’m not gonna feel sorry for fucking you hard up against the wall tonight. I’m not gonna feel guilty for any of it.”
Practically leaping into his arms, I wrapped my legs around him as we kissed. It felt incredible to be in Hollis’s arms like this again.
“You’re really back.”
“And I’m not going anywhere ever again. I promise,” he groaned. “I want so badly to slip inside you right now. But it was poor planning on my part. We need to leave.”
“Now? Why?”
“Our ride is going to be here in a few minutes.”
“Our ride? Are we going somewhere?”
“Yes.”
“Why aren’t we taking your car?”
“I think we need a change of pace for tonight.”
I smiled. “Okay.”
When we stepped outside, I was shocked to find a horse and carriage right out front. He remembered what I’d told him about my fantasy date.
“I promised you a ride in one of these a long time ago, before I botched that date night. I’m making up for it now. I’m making up for a lot of things.”
Hollis took my hand and helped me in.
I leaned my head against him, and we enjoyed the ride while the sun began to set. The smell of the horses was quite…robust. But that didn’t stop my bliss. Things were quiet aside from the sounds of traffic and hooves clicking against the concrete.
Hollis turned to me at one point and asked, “Elodie, can I have your attention?”
“Of course.”
He swallowed, seeming nervous. “I don’t want you to believe for a second that my being distant had anything to do with doubts about you. The love I had for Anna is different than the love I have for you. And the knowledge that she still loved me when she ended things all those years ago doesn’t take away from how very much I love you.”
“Thank you for clarifying that. Although I never felt like it was a competition.”
He placed his hand on my chin and directed my eyes toward his. “My feelings for you are unprecedented, Elodie. I do love Anna, and I always will, but most of all, I love her for bringing me you. I don’t want to waste a single day more contemplating the meaning of anything. I just want to be the man you deserve and show you every day how much you mean to me.”