But things have changed for me as of late. These days, my deepest, darkest fantasy borders on depraved. Depraved, Luca. I can’t stop thinking about a certain five-foot-six woman lying in my bed, legs spread-eagled, with a fucking Furby pressed to her pussy.
Sadly, I’m dead serious. I even thought about going to a self-help group—maybe one for furries? I think maybe they’d understand.
Luca, Luca, Luca. What have you done to me?Love,
Mee-Mee
P.S. You know what to do with these. Think of me while you’re doing it.
P.P.S. Are you a screamer? A moaner? Ever done it in public?
P.P.P.S. They shut off my eBay account due to possible fraud activity because of multiple successive purchases. No sellers had heavy inventory of vibrating Mee-Mee—but seventy-seven people had a hundred combined!Hortencia thought they were chew toys. I chased her around the house, trying to get the Furby out of her mouth, but that only made her think it was a game. By the time I wrestled it from her, she ran back into my office and grabbed another from the box. I needed to find a safer place to put my new little collection before Doc arrived for our session today. So I grabbed a plastic storage bin from the basement, one with a lid that latched closed, and started to transfer the little toys into it. Underneath all the Furbys, on the bottom of the box, sticking half under one of the cardboard flaps, was a piece of paper folded in half. I opened it, thinking maybe Griffin had written a second note. But instead it was an eBay receipt for one of the vibrating key chains. He must’ve accidentally tossed it in when he was packing up the toys. The top left-hand corner had the shipping information:
MARCHESE MUSIC
12 VIA CERRITOS
PALOS VERDES ESTATES, CA 00274
Wow. That must be where Griffin works. Marchese Music.
And I now had his address, or at least a place I could find him. My mind immediately started racing. Imagine if I showed up at the door of his work? He likely wouldn’t even recognize me. I could probably get to see him in person, and he would have no idea it was even me. That would be crazy.
I laughed at the thought and finished packing up the Furbys. But instead of throwing away the address, I tucked it into my desk drawer.
A few minutes later, Hortencia started to go nuts. She grunted and ran back and forth between my office and the front door. I’d always thought pigs made an oink sound, but mine made more of a groink sound. At least she did that whenever Doc pulled into the driveway.
“Change of plans for today, Luca,” he yelled as he opened my screen door.
I tugged on Hortencia’s collar to make her back away from the door. “Come on, girl, leave the doctor alone. He only wants to play with you if you grow wings.”
Doc bent and gave Hortencia a treat from his pocket. The man carried peanut butter crunch pig treats in one pocket and dog biscuits in the other—even though he didn’t have a dog. “Get ready, Luca, dear. We’re going to the pet store today.”
I froze. “No we’re not. You said we were walking today.”
“I said that because when I tell you we’re going to do any type of exposure therapy, you stress on the days leading up to the outing. This way, you have less time to stress in advance.”
“Except now five days’ worth of stress will get jammed into a fifteen-minute car ride to the store, and my head might explode.”
Doc frowned. “I don’t think it works that way.”
“Don’t you remember the last time we went to the pet store?” We’d tried some exposure therapy a few months back, the weekend before Easter. Unbeknownst to either Doc or me, it happened to be the same day the store had an Easter Bunny dressed up to take pictures with pets. We’d entered through a side door, so we didn’t see the packed parking lot. The place was a madhouse of people and their animals. Halfway down the first aisle, I’d gotten so dizzy and nauseous that I had to sit on the ground while I hyperventilated. Unfortunately, I’d accidentally sat in a small puddle of dog urine. When I finally got enough courage to get up and leave the store, every dog thought I was a fire hydrant and wanted to sniff me—or rather sniff my wet ass.
“We’re going to a smaller store this time. And I went by this morning on my way over here and made sure there are no events being held today.”
That didn’t make me feel any better. “Why don’t we go to the store in our next session, and today we can just take a nice walk. It’s beautiful out.”
He shook his head. “I need to get a new bird feeder. A squirrel knocked down my hummingbird one.”