On to another pressing matter, specifically your vagina and my preferences as far as it’s concerned. Believe me when I tell you that I will take you any way you give yourself to me, whether bald or hairier than the aforementioned grizzly bear. I will love every second of going down on you and giving you the best orgasm of your life, better than any Furby ever could. I dream about it every day, Luca.Later, gator,
Griff
P.S. Do you prefer Cavalier or Roundhead? (Uncut or other.) Asking for a friend.
P.P.S. That friend might be named Mee-Mee.CHAPTER 9
LUCADoc was seriously nuts. He’d parked the RV at his house and basically told me it was ready to go anytime I decided to take him up on his offer to drive us to California. The damn thing was bigger than his actual residence.
He would have taken off with me the day he’d first brought it to my house if I’d agreed. I told him I really needed some time to think about it.
A part of me wanted to take him up on his crazy idea, but actually moving forward would mean having to face the potential of finding something out I really didn’t want to know. Griffin was hiding something. That I was certain of. The realization hurt. His most recent letter had asked me to have blind faith in him, but how could you do that when someone has given you every reason to suspect something is awry? A battle was waging inside me as to how to handle things moving forward.
A knock at the door startled me. I knew it was Doc, but I was nowhere near ready to go to wherever he was threatening to take me tonight.
I opened the door. Doc was wearing a suit. Oh no.
“You haven’t gotten dressed yet?” he asked.
“No. Because you won’t tell me where we’re going.”
“Luca . . . that’s the point. I promise it won’t be anything you can’t handle.”A couple of hours later, having donned my fanciest black dress, I shivered in Doc’s car as we drove along.
He glanced over at me. “You look splendid.”
“Thank you. Now, will you tell me where we’re going, please?”
“We’ll be there soon enough.”
We ended up pulling up in front of an old brick building. Outside, the sign read: VERMONT AUDUBON SOCIETY.
“You’re taking me to meet a bunch of your bird nerds?”
“It’s the annual gala. It’s packed full of people and the perfect opportunity to practice your panic skills. Don’t worry. It’s out back in the courtyard, not inside.”
I sunk down into my seat. “I still can’t handle that.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You can do anything you put your mind to or, in this case, don’t put your mind to. Keep your mind out of it and go with the flow, moment by moment. Sit there and experience all the feelings of panic without fleeing.”
I wanted to flee this car, never mind the gala. “I can’t.”
“You can. True freedom awaits if you can just learn to sit through the feelings without escaping. Once panic subsides, you’ll realize there was never anything to fear at all. Have you learned nothing from our studies of Dr. Claire Weekes’s teachings?”
My tone was abrasive. “Why are you doing this tonight?”
“Because, Luca, it’s time. Your life is passing you by. We need to get you to a point where you can be functional around people again. That means being able to handle being around them.”
When I said nothing, he continued.
“I’ll tell you what . . . if you can just get through fifteen minutes at the gala, we can leave. I won’t bother you for the rest of the night. Then I’ll take you right home.”
Letting out a shaky breath, I said, “I don’t know . . .”
“If you won’t do it for me, do it for your Griffin.”
My Griffin.
I thought a lot about what that statement really meant—doing it for Griffin.
I thought about the many miles between us.
I thought about the lifestyle he must live as a single man in California, how different it must be from mine.
If I truly ever wanted a chance to meet him, I had to at least try to face my fears. I suppose if I made a fool of myself in front of a bunch of bird people, that would be better than doing it in front of Griff.
I surrendered and began to exit the car. “Fifteen minutes.”
A wave of nausea hit me upon joining the crowd gathered in the society’s courtyard. The adrenaline immediately started pumping within me, and I was in full-fledged panic mode almost immediately. The sound of all these people talking mixed together into one loud, jumbled mess. The sky above seemed to be swaying.
When we got to a table, I sat down and trembled in my seat.
“You’re doing great, Luca.”
Doc started a conversation with the woman in the next seat over, leaving me to suffer in silence right next to him. Sweat permeated my body as the torturous minutes passed while I gripped the linen tablecloth.