He nods.
“You made me feel unwanted,” I whisper.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His voice is low and guttural.
“Such a terrible lie to tell, wasn’t it?”
“It was. It is. I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared. I still am. Fuck. Please. I lo—”
I cover his mouth with my palm. “Don’t. You still don’t get to say those words to me, not when all of your actions have told me the opposite.”
I ride the stupid dildo, my clit rubbing against his shaft through his jogging pants every time I lower myself. I slip a finger into his mouth again, and he wets it with his tongue. I use it to circle my clit, the sensation building between my thighs. I come hard, mouth open in a silent scream, my entire body trembling.
Kodiak writhes under me, muttering please, please, please.
I slip my hand into his jogging pants and grip the hot, pulsing length.
My lips brush his, but he doesn’t make a move to deepen the kiss, maybe understanding that it’s not something he can have until he’s done the thing I’ve asked of him. Either that or he’s punishing himself, as he likes to do.
It takes all of ten quick, hard strokes before Kodiak’s head snaps back, and he groans as thick spurts of cum cover his chest.
He’s shaking and straining and magnificent. He jolts when I skim the wet tip with my thumb and bring it to my mouth.
We’re both panting and sweaty. I wait for embarrassment or awkwardness to settle between us, but it doesn’t. We just sit there, breathing, both half-sated.
I brace myself on his shoulders and lift myself out of his lap. Aqua-D is covered in my orgasm, which drips down the sides.
I clean myself up in his bathroom before I wet a washcloth and bring it back to wipe down his chest, then shimmy back into my clothes on shaky legs.
“You’re not going to leave me here like this, are you?”
And there’s the panic I’ve been waiting for.
“Of course not.” I open his desk drawer and grab a pair of scissors. I set them on his lap and go about packing up my bag again, putting the duct tape back on his project table where I found it.
“Lavender, come on.” He yanks against his arm restraints.
“Just a second.” I zip up my backpack and slip my arms through. Once I’m ready to leave, I slide the scissors carefully between the tape and his right wrist. I tap the tip of the dildo still taped between his legs. “You can give that back to me tomorrow, after you’ve talked to Maverick.” I set the scissors on the desk behind him. “Good luck with the game.” I kiss him on the cheek and leave before he can free himself and stop me.Chapter Twenty-SevenBalance
Kodiak
Present day
PREGAME ANXIETY IS magnified today. I sit on the bench in the locker room and focus on breathing. My stomach is a fucking mess. My head is almost as bad. The whole scene with Lavender coming into my room last night keeps playing on an endless loop, and my half-hard cock is bent at an uncomfortable angle behind my cup. Guilt weighs heavy on my shoulders for all the things I’ve done this semester when it comes to Lavender.
But I try to push through it and clear my head. I may not have the control I need, but Lavender isn’t the same girl she once was. She’s stronger and much more self-assured. We’ll never be like we were before because she doesn’t need me the way she once did. But I’m lucky as hell that she still seems to want me, despite me being an asshole to her. It’s hard to reconcile my memory of her with this new, empowered version, so comfortable in her own skin, so very much a woman and not a meek, uncertain girl anymore.
“You all right, K?” Maverick asks.
I nod and still my jittery legs so I can tighten my laces again. For the third time. When the anxiety is particularly bad, my rituals amplify. I go over the same thing until it’s nearly maddening—like making sure my laces are tied tight enough.
“We’re not going to lose. We watched all the videos. We know their tricks. Stay on Bender’s left side as much as you can ’cause that’s where his shot is the weakest.” He pats my back. “We got this.”
“We got this,” I repeat.
I compartmentalize the guilt and worries, box them up and set them aside so I can perform on the ice. I pop a watermelon Jolly Rancher and finish getting dressed. Tonight is a big one. My dad told me scouts might be here, and since this is the team we’ve struggled to beat in the past, I need to have my head fully in the game.