Little Lies

I nod, aware he has a test and can’t be late.

“I’ll see you at your place after class. Text me if you need me.” He traces a figure eight on the side of my neck, tips my chin up, and presses his lips to mine. “Josiah, River.” He gives them a nod and disappears out the door and into the sunshine, leaving me alone with my brother and Josiah, who both look cagey as fuck.

River begins, “Lav, it’s not—”

Josiah’s head snaps in his direction, and he pins my brother with the same look he gave Kodiak when he made it rain dicks in my bedroom and acted like a territorial asshole.

River’s expression is pained and conflicted.

“I’m not going to be some secret you’re ashamed of,” Josiah says quietly. He turns to me. “I wanted to tell you, but River was adamant he be the one.” He takes a couple of steps toward the door. “Call me when you’re tired of hiding in your closet.”

“’Siah.” River reaches out, but Josiah shakes his head, and River’s hand falls limply to his side.

“Sorry, Lavender. This is not how I wanted you to find out.” Josiah pushes through the door, leaving me and River alone in a stairwell that smells like guilt, shame, desire, and cologne.

I lean against the railing and set aside my feelings about River and Josiah keeping this from me, so I can deal with my twin. “You do realize this isn’t a surprise, right?”

River’s gaze shifts to meet mine. How he manages to have a furrowed brow and wide eyes is beyond me.

I raise a finger and clarify. “I mean, the fact that it’s Josiah is a surprise, but you being gay, or bi, or however you choose to identify, isn’t.”

His gaze darts around before it finally settles on me again. “Gay. I’m gay.”

Based on Josiah’s reaction, this isn’t a random hookup. “You know you don’t have to hide who you are from me, right? I’m always going to love and accept you, no matter what.”

He nods, but the sound of a door opening somewhere in the stairwell above us prevents him from responding.

“Wanna get a coffee?” I ask.

“Shots would be better.”

“I’m done with class for the day, so we can go home and you can do shots and we can talk?”

He nods.

Twenty minutes later, we’re at the house. I’m no longer wearing ripped tights and damp underwear, and my brother and I are sitting on my bed, both of us drinking coolers even though it’s the middle of the afternoon.

“So when did you and Josiah become a thing?” I figure I can start with the easier questions.

“A couple of weeks into the semester, I guess. I met him last year at some party, but nothing really came of it until I saw him again. He figured out pretty quick that you and I were related because my name isn’t all that common.” He takes a huge gulp of cooler and blows out a breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I felt shitty about it—I feel shitty about it—but it’s so fucking complicated.”

“Complicated how? As far as I can see, it’s pretty simple. You like him, he likes you, and that’s that.”

“We live in a neighborhood full of hockey players and jocks, Lavender. How do you think it’s gonna go over if I have a boyfriend and I’m on the football team?”

“Shouldn’t we all be past that archaic line of thinking?” I’m not asking to be a jerk; I really don’t have the answer.

“Should we? Yes. Are we? No. It’s better than it used to be, but it’s still not going to be easy.”

“Nothing worth fighting for is easy, River.”

“I know.”

He holds his index finger out, and I link mine with it. “There’s a but coming.”

“What if our friends aren’t cool with it? What about Mom and Dad?”

“If our friends aren’t cool with it, they weren’t good friends in the first place. And our parents just want us to be happy. Mom isn’t going to care one way or the other, but I’m sure you’ll get a talk on safe anal or something ridiculously embarrassing. And as for Dad, I think more than anything, he wants to understand you and find a way to connect with you. I know that hasn’t been easy. Give him a chance to do that. Give us all a chance. We love you unconditionally. Let us prove it.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“I figured you would when you were ready.” So much makes sense about the past couple of months—the not coming home, his excessive reclusiveness, the distance between us. “And now that I know, maybe we can do the double-date thing. Or at least you can bring Josiah here.” I bolt upright. “Oh my God. That night Josiah was here to help me with econ, were you two already a thing?”