Atone (The Disciples 2)

I lay my forehead on the pillow and kiss her neck, trying to steady my breath.

I don’t want to move. I want to stay inside her, let my cock harden again, and fuck her all night.

That thought makes me pull out. What the fuck am I doing? Have I completely lost my mind?

The fact that I told her this morning I can only give her sex, and she begs me to stay the night and will let me do anything to her—it’s wrong.

I’m beyond redeemable.

For Christ’s sake, I fucked my best friend’s wife while we both went down the rabbit hole on heroin and any other drug we could get our hands on.

Her sweet candy breath blows lightly on the side of my shoulder, almost as if she’s some sort of mind reader and is letting me purge my demons before she speaks.

“Don’t trust me, Charlie,” I say, turning my head to see her. “You shouldn’t bring strangers home. What the fuck were you thinking? I could have hurt you. You don’t just agree to have anal sex.”

I throw my arm over my eyes, rubbing my cock with my other hand. It’s slick with her juices and getting hard, which pisses me off.

She’s silent, but I sense her laser-like stare. I lift my arm to look at her face. The room is dark, yet I can see every fucking emotion. Her long hair spills across the pillow.

“I trust you. And you’re not a stranger. I know you.” Her raspy voice is strong.

“Christ.” I turn toward her. “You believe that, don’t you?” I reach for her silky hair because I’m addicted, and before I destroy her, I need one small fix.

“Beautiful, I have been all over the world, lived in the best and worst places. Tried almost everything, and I can honestly tell you I’m not a good person.”

I wrap my hand tight around her inky tresses, bringing her lips to mine as I steal her very breath.

“I’m here for revenge. I want to get the sick fucks who blew up my family and avenge my daughter.” I stand and reach for my jeans.

“David.” She sits up, her incredible tits on display. “You’re wrong. I see you. You may want revenge, but can’t you have both?”

She raises herself on her knees. I almost do the unthinkable and throw her back onto the bed and fuck her again, but instead, I feel around for my shirt and cut. My knife shines and it’s easy to locate.

“You deserve to be happy. You’re worth it.” Her words do nothing to me. Because I don’t and I know it.

“It doesn’t matter.” I find my leather cut and tee. Slipping them on, I turn. “I told you to run. You refused, so I’ll do the right thing and remove myself from this situation.” I run my hands through my hair.

“I’m not scared.” She lies back down in the bed. I grit my teeth so loud I’m sure she can hear it.

“You’ll be back.” She reaches for the slightly wrinkled sheet at the end of the bed.

“Just turn the lock on the handle on your way out.” She snuggles in deeper.

I almost start laughing. If this was happening to anyone else, I would. She curls up like a goddamn kitten. The white sheet covers half her body; the other half’s still visible in the darkness. I’m tempted to switch on the lights to see what she’ll do. Scrubbing my hands up and down my face, I fight the urge to crawl back into bed with her, lock the doors, and never leave.

Instead I turn and don’t look back.CHARLIEI blink my eyes open and close them. Sighing into the soft pillow, I can still smell him: a combination of spice and smoke.

Even knowing he’s gone, I still feel around for him. Dragging myself to a sitting position, I assess my life. As I reach toward the nightstand for the phone, I realize it’s in my purse and the battery’s probably dead. My face heats up as I think about what we did last night. I was scared and turned on at the same time.

“Oh my God.” Horrified, I cover my face. He brought me to the brink. I actually said yes. And it was all just to scare me, I think.

Dropping my hands, I pull my hair up into a messy bun. I should be pissed, right? Who does that? Apparently David, and what’s worse is I love it.

“God, I’m a freak,” I groan, wanting to lie back and hide under the covers. I stretch my sore muscles, which I’m not used to using.

I need to start doing yoga again. David’s cock is giant-sized and my poor vagina has a pulse and my legs are shaky this morning. Again, my mind drifts to last night and his huge cock.