His eyes narrow on mine and I think I might have stopped breathing. Little black dots appear as I take a quick breath.
“I woke up this morning, covered in sweat from one of my nightmares.” He inhales deeply and exhales it out.
“So? I had one too. It happens.”
I sound defensive and I have no reason to be yet. He takes the cigarette from between his teeth as he leans up to toss his phone on the bed.
“This morning, my brothers, the only family I have, took down the scum that did the actual blowing up of the laboratory. And I was not there.” The words hang in the air like the smoke circling his face.
“I guess that’s good and bad.”
My mind scrambles to catch up. He’s so closed off, which angers me. It’s not my fault he went down the rabbit hole. If anything, he should be thanking me.
“It’s all over the news. They did exactly as planned. It went off without a hitch. No one knows anything. And do you know why that happened, Charlie?”
“Stop talking to me like I’m a stranger.” One of my hands is going numb, and I have to unclench them.
“Why?” He doesn’t even raise his voice, but it vibrates down to the marrow of my bones.
“No!” I shout as I throw off the sheet and stand. “Whatever happened we can tackle together. If it’s bothering you, you need to express it with words. Don’t just…” I invade his space, smelling him.
Smoke and spice.
“Don’t shut me out. We love each other. We’re a team.” I reach out to touch his cheek and he grabs my hand.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t? Don’t what? Tell you I love you? Tell you I will be there for you every day? Don’t—” He pulls me close and, gasping, I slap his chest.
“I’m not the one for you, Charlie.” He gives me a hard shake. “Stop looking at me like that. I told you from the beginning not to give me too much, that I would just take and take.”
“Don’t you dare.” I jerk away, rubbing my wrist. “Don’t you dare try to pull this bullshit. Something happened. Tell me! I swear to fucking God, David, if you love me at all…”
His face is a blur through my tears. I hate that I’m crying, but I hate him more at this moment. I look around the room. I love my room—nothing but sunshine, fresh flowers, and good things happen in this room. This can’t be happening. I refuse to let it. I wipe my eyes and glare at him.
“You see? This is what I bring. There’s no joy in this, is there? I don’t want your love, Beautiful. I don’t want anyone’s.”
He doesn’t yell, doesn’t need to. David is so fucking powerful, so manipulative, so fucking selfish that’s it’s a good thing there’s nothing I can hit him with at arm’s length. At the moment, I swear to God, I’m not responsible for what might happen.
“Shut up.” I push his rock of a chest. He doesn’t move of course.
“I never will be what you want. I don’t want kids… fuck I can’t even look at Blade’s kid without having a panic attack. I don’t want marriage.”
As his words hit me, I back away. Maybe that will make him stop. He needs to stop before one of us says something we can’t take back.
“You want all that. I see it in your eyes. I see the way you look at me. It’s a waste.”
My back hits the wall. It’s hard and cold on my bare skin, but considering the condition I’m in, it feels good. Better than what is coming at me.
“Why? Why are you doing this to me?” I scream as he traps me, his warm body against my cold one.
“Because… that day. You remember.” His voice gets gravelly and I want to scream at him to stop.
But it’s like I’m caught in some sort of nightmare and rather than the dark water, it’s his voice, his secret truths that are going to drown me.
“That day you and I stole a forbidden kiss. That day I should have died. All I hear and see when I close my eyes are bikes leaving, my baby crying, and my fucking baby momma pleading to get them or at least save Tabatha.”
His fist hits the wall right next to my head and there’s a sickening sound of either bones or maybe plaster breaking.
“I told everyone I didn’t remember, Charlie, because when I woke up in the hospital with burns and a fractured skull, that was true. But when I close my eyes, I see it.”
He moves in closer, his lips almost touching mine. “I heard them pleading, crying, begging.” He snarls it, as I hear myself let out a sob.
“Begging.” His hand goes to my throat, and I stare at him. He does nothing but hold me tight. No pressure but enough so that I can’t move. His lips capture mine. They’re salty, filled with an agony that can only come from him.