Atone (The Disciples 2)

The need, almost self-preservation, to make contact with her after Reed left was almost unbearable.

Good and bad—lately it’s been bad more often than not. I decided to come back and let my future be what it will.

Charlie. I let myself have just the right amount of memories before I realize my limitations. She deserves way more than what I can give her. For the first time in my life, I want to be a better man for her and for me. Have I achieved that?

Looking around at the melting pot that is LA, I smile. It’s good to be back. This is where I was born and even though I have no address, Charlie is here, so it always feels like home.

My phone vibrates. It’s a text from Reed wondering if I’ve gone through customs. I look over at the numerous bodies before me and reply No.

The sun is going down and a small glare blinds me as I gaze out the glass windows and doors.

My phone says 4:00 p.m. I left in the heat of the summer and am returning to the cool nights of daylight savings time.

A wave of claustrophobia slithers up my back. Too many people jammed together always puts me on edge.

Today is different though. In my heart, I know it. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath as I block out the smells of bodies that have been traveling too long and need a shower. The sounds are overwhelming: the cell phones ringing, people happily laughing and talking about their adventures and celebrating that they’re home. I should think about my next move: where I should stay, what I need to do.

After the rehab professionals gave me the green light, stating that I’ve successfully dealt with my pain and am not in imminent danger of using, I left rehab and got on a plane to Spain.

“Excuse me? You’re next.” A teenager points and I come back to reality. I look around and wonder how long I’ve been daydreaming.

“Sorry, thank you.” I move forward handing over my passport. The woman takes one look at my passport and says, “Welcome home.”

Home. A pair of golden eyes shaped like a cat’s swim in front of me.

I pick up my leather duffel bag and walk up the long incline to the baggage area. I have no other luggage, so I step out into the cool night of Los Angeles. Despite the hour, LAX is still happening, with car horns, people talking on their phones, and everyone in a hurry as they pull their luggage by.

I need a cigarette. As I reach for one, I look over at a guy with arms crossed leaning against a black Tahoe.

“What the fuck? You’re not Reed,” I state the obvious as I walk over to him.

“Poet.” He nods.

“Blade.” I exhale. We stare at each other. The last time I saw my cousin… well, we both had killed together.

He pushes off the vehicle and looks me over.

“You look good, man. Spain must have treated you nicely.”

“It did.” I open the passenger door as Blade climbs into the driver’s side.

He starts up the truck and I roll down the window, watching Century Boulevard blow by.

I should keep the conversation light, but it’s stupid and uncomfortable enough already.

“Eve doing okay?” At the very least, I should ask.

Blade smiles at the mention of Eve. “Yeah, she’s ready to pop any day. You made it home right in time. We’re having a girl.”

A girl. Blade and Eve are having a baby girl, with blond hair and big blue eyes, I bet. But instead of feeling angry, I let myself smile and say, “That’s the best news I’ve heard so far. I’m really happy for you.” He looks over at me, an eyebrow arched.

“So, you’re back? Reed wants you to stay with him. What are you gonna do?”

I keep smoking as we merge on the freeway. “Fuck if I know.”

“David.” He sighs. “We need to talk about what happened.”

“No.”

Blade’s eyes dart to mine. “Who the fuck are you to say no? I’m pissed. We had a plan. As soon as you killed Lucky, you completely forgot that we still had other shit to do.”

He looks at his mirror as he starts to speed. “Thank fuck Reed was involved. Without him, it would have been messy. He got the FBI to take down Satan’s Seeds after the lab blew up.” He looks over at me.

“Reed’s a genius and a billionaire. It helps.” I reach into my pocket for some gum. “What do you want from me, Blade?” I sound tired because I am. He’s right. I did fail them. Getting pissed isn’t going to change it.

He snorts. “How long are you staying?”

Shrugging, I say, “I live in the moment.”

“Shut up.” He hits the steering wheel. “Pull your head out of your ass, man. Get it together and make it right with Charlie.” My heart automatically aches.