I take a breath and close my eyes as I chant in my head, He loves me. Our love is pure and true. I do this many times a day. It seems to calm the sense of doom in the pit of my stomach. Lately I’ve been scared, and I hate that more than anything.
And now, it’s freakin’ Homecoming.
Morgan’s right. I have been avoiding him. I need to tell him that I’ve been nominated queen and I’m 99 percent sure that Troy will be king. Christ, with as little as I see him, would he even care?
Yep, I despise my life. It’s spiraling in a direction that at one time I coveted but now…
I want Edge. I want to be with him, not sneaking into the teachers’ lounge bathroom because Morgan thinks it’s cleaner to check if she’s pregnant again.
I look down at my ring finger. My nail polish is chipped. “You know,” I say, “there is such a thing as birth control. Like, you’re not a car. You can’t go get abortions like oil changes.” It’s mean and not even Morgan deserves that, but I can’t help myself.
She’s way too happy. I mean what the fuck? I would be hysterical. She should be hysterical. Instead, she’s fixing her makeup and hair.
She turns and we face each other as her eyes sweep my face. “You”—she points her stupid finger in my face and I swear I visualize myself biting it off like a dog with rabies—“don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” She moves in closer. Her Lancôme perfume almost makes me turn my head. But no fucking way. We stare at each other.
“If you don’t look and tell me what the fucking pregnancy test says, I’ll tell everyone your little secret.” She turns and leans her skinny ass on the counter as she crosses her ankles in her heeled boots.
My face burns. “I have no secret.”
She smiles and again, I wonder why I tried so hard to become her best friend. “I know you’re a virgin. I also know someone as hot as Edge is not. So…” She lets her awful voice trail away and I swear to God I’m having a hard time trying to catch my breath.
She said it. My ears are ringing. I need to defend myself, Edge, our relationship but at the moment, all she does is voice my greatest fear.
“Cat got your tongue, Dolly?” she sneers. “See, we all have our shit. At least I’m honest with mine.”
I can’t speak. I don’t trust myself not to start crying and ask her what she knows or strangle her. But neither of those are options.
So instead, I look down at the stupid pregnancy test. Not pregnant.
“It’s negative.”
She looks over at me, then smirks. “Perfect.” She straightens her skirt.
“Morgan?” I say slowly as the blood flows back into my brain. Picking up the stick, I dangle it in her face. She backs away as I let it drop into the garbage can.
“Next time you think to give me advice”—I move close to her, barely coming up to her shoulder, but the mood I’m in, I could take on the world—“Just remember that my parents don’t have money like yours, but what they do have are guns, knives, and shovels.” I turn and wash my hands.
“What the hell does that mean?” she snarls, yet it lacks her usual aggressiveness.
I look up and smile at her in the mirror… and almost laugh because it’s better than sobbing. No matter how much I’ve tried to distance myself from my past, from the club, they follow me, and today, well, today I guess I’m my father’s daughter.
“It means”—I turn and grab a paper towel and dry my hands—“I’m not the one. Don’t talk about Edge or anything to do with us. Ever. I’ve seen things that you can’t even dream of.”
“Please, you can’t possibly think you can get away with threat—” Her eyes go huge as I move close to her again.
“Don’t fuck with me, bitch.” I don’t wait to hear her response. It’s not important. Grabbing my bag, I swing open the door. I need to find Edge. It’s like I’m possessed. I need to hear his voice, let him assure me that we are okay.
I don’t even bother to check to see if the coast is clear. All my trying to be perfect has gotten me nowhere. I told myself I was doing all this for us. Instead, I think I was doing it for me and assuming because Edge loved me, he would follow.
Edge and Dolly: you can’t have one without the other.
I dig in my purse for my phone. My mom had to bribe my dad to get me one, stating it was unsafe for me not to have one. He’s cheap but apparently not that cheap. Whatever, I got one and now at least have some freedom.