Part I
1
Luke
His fist tightens around my shirt, and finally, I force myself to look up at him. The rush! His face is hard. He smells the same. My vision fuzzes out around the edges.
Then I suck a deep breath in, lock my hand around his wrist, and squeeze so hard my fingers ache. “I. Don’t Want. You.”
I can see his jaw tic as he says, “I know.”
His eyes close for a heartbeat. Then he sinks down to the floor beside me, and I feel his hand over my cock. He cups my erection and white hot bliss streams through me.
“I see how bad you don’t want me.” He’s opening my pants now. “You don’t want me hard enough to hurt.”
His hand is wrapped around my shaft…pumping my head. “Tell me how you don’t want me, Luke.”
He gives another slow stroke, and I grit my teeth as my whole body quakes with need. His livid gaze returns to mine. I shut my eyes so I don’t have to see him as he inches my pants down, and his free hand tugs my balls. He works me until I’m panting, until I can’t help groaning.
“I don’t want to want you,” I rasp.
His hands leave me. When I find the strength to open my eyes, Vance is standing over me again. “Feeling’s mutual.”
I watch as he walks back to the bench and sits, unfastening his pants. He’s got his dick in his hand. Now he’s stroking himself.
“So this is good.” His voice sounds more like Vance now, and it sends a bolt of longing through me that’s so piercing I can’t breathe. “If you don’t want me— like, let’s say…if you don’t want to get down on your knees and let me fuck your throat…” He lifts a shoulder, still pumping himself. He spreads his legs more, leans his head against the wall. “Don’t want that?” His eyes shut. “Then go.”
I grip my head. When I dare to look up again, his hard eyes are on me.
“Should be easy, preacher. Put your dick away and get moving.”
There’s no emotion on his cold face as he pumps himself.
I push my cock into my pants and zip. Then I walk to him on legs that shake.
His gaze drops to my fly, then flicks back to mine. “Go.” The word is mild—as his hand grips the base of his dick and then moves back upward. His eyes look glazed, like he’s lost to his own lust. “I won’t tell your secret, preacher.”
A low buzzing starts in my head…spreads all through my body. Pressure throbs behind my eyes as I watch Vance work himself.
There’s what I want and what I don’t—and what I want is life. I want not to come home to an echo-empty house every night. When I fly in from Israel and can’t see straight from jetlag, I want someone at the runway. I want to order takeout for two people and have someone to sit with on ski lifts. I want to do my job—the one I’m good at, the one I’ve given everything I have to—without becoming a symbol or a controversy. I don’t want to lose more privacy. I don’t want the picketing, the death threats. I deserve a life like everybody.
One look at him—just one look there in the atrium at Evermore—and I could feel my insides shifting. Everything sunk but my heart, which swelled so much I wasn’t sure that I could find my normal speaking voice.
As soon as he looked at me, I could feel it flame up in me—this fever.
“I…can’t.” The words squeeze from my throat without permission.
“Can’t what?” I watch as his palm cups his thick head. His eyes stay away from mine.
I can’t be near him without craving. This is Vance, and he is right here. He shuts his eyes, and I step closer, then sink down to my knees.
I can’t stand it.
I want to hold him more than anyone has ever wanted anything. I can’t, so I kneel between his knees and take his cock in my mouth. I can feel his low groan vibrate through him. He shifts so his legs spread more. Then his hand comes down on my head.
Hot tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks. He pushes my head closer, so I’m choking. And I blow him. I do it because I can’t not. This is why I have a mouth. This is what my body’s made for. If it’s sacrilege then I belong in hell.
He’s lodged in my throat. I close my eyes and work him with my lips and tongue and cheeks and hands that tremble, and he groans. I feel his legs quake. His hand tightens on my head. He thrusts deeper into my throat, using me just like he promised, and my cock is full and thick and throbbing. Then I squeeze his balls, and he spends with a tremor and a loud groan.