“You’re not a bad guy,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. I step closer, wrap my arms around his waist. He’s breathing deeply, hugging me close. There are roses between us, their thorns prickling through my shirt. But I can’t help hugging him.
“These smell really good,” I whisper, trying not to cry more.
He sets them on a table and wraps me in his arms, holding so tightly it almost hurts.
“Sorry,” he says, low and husky. His hand comes over my belly.
“I didn’t really think”—I shake my head slowly—“but it was still upsetting.”
“I’m so fucking sorry. I should have told you. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“Knowing you, you probably didn’t want to get me caught up in it. Or you didn’t want to explain. You seem all too content to let me think whatever of you, without making any justifications or apologies.”
His hand cups my head against his chest. “That’s not true.” I feel his mouth move over my hair. “I want to make every apology, and then I want to make a few more. And after all that, I want to make some promises.”32LucaI don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I have to find a way. I have to make sure she knows that I knew before I found out she was pregnant. I knew that weekend back in February, when I was lying on the floor, half frozen, and her hands were on my face. I would have never brought myself into her life, but once I heard her voice and felt her warmth and saw her smile up close, I didn’t see how I could stay away forever.
The real surprise was that she wanted me, too. The real surprise is that she’s sitting in my lap in this armchair in Dani’s beige and tan and pale pink library—which features books that only have pale spines—and she’s stroking my hair and kissing my throat, and she’s got my hand folded over our baby.
“What will Jace say about this?” I ask, closing my eyes.
“Oh, Jacey has plenty to say. He knows all about us.”
I peer down at her. “He does?”
“He’s my best friend. Well, along with Ree and Dani. We’re a quad. Or like, I don’t know, we’re some shape that has me at the center and the three of them around me, being awesome.”
“And what does he think?”
Elise bites her lip, looking thoughtful. “He was willing to shift status to bi for me—for us—in case we needed him to say our baby was his.”
I don’t know why, but that, of all damn things, makes me feel emotional. “Was he really?”
She smiles gently. “Yes, and he still will. It could maybe help, him, too—help him inherit his grandfather’s company.”
“Didn’t he get the boot already?”
“Yes, but that’s because his grandfather is a bigot. Won’t pass anything down the line unless he thinks that Jace will have an heir that comes from having sex with a woman.”
“That’s pretty fucking stupid.”
She nods.
“Do you want us to say that?” My pulse quickens as she shakes her head, but then she frowns. “Say what?”
“Do you want to tell people the baby’s his?”
“I don’t.” Her eyes glimmer. “Because I want to be with you.”
I close my eyes, feeling relieved. “We just have to figure out a way. I can talk to Alesso, Roberto. Let me see what I can work out. I know that won’t help your ability to…be seen with me.” My throat goes dry on that part. “But at least you’ll never have to get a nasty surprise at work again.”
“Would you really leave…for me?” she chokes.
“Of course. If I can figure out a way. Even if I can’t…” I shake my head. “I’ll find a way. I didn’t know if you would want to.”
“Yes.”
“Because of the baby?”
“No, Luca. Because of you. I want to be with you. I love my work, but you make life feel…better. Richer. You’re what makes me happy. All we need is to move away from here. But I don’t want to disappoint my voters. Or Jace. Not that Jace would ever let me do anything less than what we want to do.”
I hug her to me, feeling like shit that we’re in this situation. “I need a disguise, and maybe a name change.”
She kisses my chest. “I love you the way you are.”
“I still don’t feel like I deserve it.”
“I love you and just you, Luca. Not some other version of you. Not the you who teaches ethics at a college. This you. I love the way you hold me and the way you smell, the way you laugh, the way you wiggle your eyebrows and make your funny little faces. I love the way you watch my back and help me even when you’re getting nothing from it, no acknowledgment from me. I love how you never push me, and you never ask for anything back. You just love me, and it’s somehow enough.