Christine smiles down at him as she pushes a syringe into one of the tubes that disappears into his blankets. Luca’s eyes lock onto mine, and then his face relaxes and his shoulders loosen. I sift my fingers through his hair. He mumbles, “Put…you first.”35LucaI don’t know what’s going on. Everything…feels like it’s moving. I can’t wake up enough. I can tell Elise is right there with her brown eyes and her murmurs, and I know we need to get out. But I’m too weak to explain.
She must know. One time she says, “We’re okay, dolce amore. I know you’re so tired. Close your eyes and let yourself sleep.”
She doesn’t get it. I can see the baby in the parking garage. Aren is mad. I’m telling her to run. I hear the gunshot as I jerk awake. She tries to tell me, “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Her hands on my face. “We’re in a new room. Did you know that?”
I drag my heavy eyelids open. “You need to go.”
Things in the room, changing. Different faces…black windows, and then bright, then curtains. I don’t like the beeping.
“They’re going to make you get up again in a minute. Someone mentioned walking the halls. Look at what I’m wearing on my head.” Elise is grinning. She’s got on some kind of head cover. “No one seems to know you,” she says, looking smug. “Maybe you’re not so notorious after all.” Something cool is on my forehead. “Do you feel bad? Your head feels a little warm to me.”
It’s confusing. Like a vortex, and I’m sucked down. I can feel the worry underneath the surface. Something…
“Don’t worry. I think the pain pills are throwing you a little off.” Her arm comes around me. “Come here, sweetheart. I’ve got an idea.”
In the bathroom, she starts the shower, strips her clothes off, beckons me into the tiled stall.
“You’ve got some bandages, but look, this nozzle comes off. Let’s just run the water over all the not-bandaged places.”
It’s this little smile she gives me, like she’s sorry for me, like she wants to take away my pain. And I remember shooting Aren. I remember being on the ground, and looking up at her and wanting to hold onto her. I couldn’t move my arms when I was lying there.
I think I bled all over her clothes. There’s a plastic bag on the counter, right in front of my hospital bed, and it looks like her clothes. They’re stained dark.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” They say that over time, you forget how people’s voices sound—especially once they’re dead—but I didn’t. I still hear him sneering.
I can’t stop shaking. Maybe from the medicine, maybe because things hurt. But I think it’s because of her. I don’t want to fuck her up, but I can’t make her go.
“Luca?” She smiles softly, swathed in steam. “C’mon…”
I turn the doorknob with my hand and push through with my good shoulder. I think some things in my chest get strained as I shove through the door. It doesn’t matter. I just need to grab my phone. Looks like I’ve already got pants on.
She’s hot on my heels; I hear her come into the bedroom as I’m opening the door to the hall. I hurry out the door, and fuck, it hurts to walk. I don’t have shoes on…but I’ll call a black car.
Damn—where is the elevator? Everything…so dizzy. I’m moving slowly, and she’s gonna catch me. Need to hurry…
My head’s pounding. I need to find an elevator. Hurry up! My stomach hurts. I see a door that’s labeled EXIT. It’s a push door—thank you, stairwell. I push, and I’m in the stairwell. There’s a lot of stairs. I’m staring down them when the door opens again, hitting my shoulder.
“Fuck.”
“Luca?” I can barely hear her for my own moans.
“Baby, what are you doing?” Her hands on my neck. She’s gripping my good side. “Cuore, look at me.”
I shut my eyes, dizzy as shit.
“Where are you going? What’s the matter?” Her hands are on my shoulders. Her arms wrap around me gently.
“Does everybody know?” My voice sounds like an echo.
“That you’re here? Like, you specifically? No, of course not. No one knows.”
“But what about…the cameras?”
“Dani paid off one of the guards in her building. He lost his job for ‘forgetting’ to check the garage cams that night, so now he’s working for Dani’s mother, who she claims needed someone anyway.”
I open my eyes. “Go home.” My voice cracks. “I don’t…want to fuck shit up. Elise.” I hold my head, which is pounding sickly. “I don’t want to…be that person…for you.”
“What do you mean?” Her voice is gentle.
I’m not fucking up her life—not if I can help it. “Did he die?”
“Do you mean Aren?” Her hand rubs my back. “He did.” I feel her move in front of me, but I can’t open my eyes. Then she wraps her hand around the wrist of my unhurt arm, and I force myself to look at her.