Mia stares at me, chewing on her bottom lip nervously, as she waits patiently for me to speak. I’ve only known her for a short time, but I already know she’s a game changer. I can feel it when I’m around her, when I hear her voice. When I see the way she smiles at me, the way she laughs. The way she lets me in. And if we have a chance at going anywhere, I’m going to have to let her in as well.
“When I was thirteen and my brother was nine, I killed him.”
Mia gasps, and I clarify, “Not literally, but it was my fault.” I swallow thickly, trying to explain without letting the images swarm my head and take over. “I took him out in the cold and a few days later he was in the hospital with a horrible cold and pneumonia.”
“Oh, Brayden,” Mia murmurs.
“We were hanging out. It was winter break and our parents were out Christmas shopping. Drew was over and it started to snow. Ben begged me to go out and play in the snow. My mom had made it clear we weren’t allowed to leave the house, but he kept begging and I gave in.”
“Things happen,” she says, her eyes filled with sympathy. “You didn’t kill him. You were a teenager who loved his brother and wanted to make him happy.”
“Drew said the same thing too many times to count, but it doesn’t matter. I made a choice and it led to his death.” And I’ll have to live with that choice for the rest of my life.
“People get pneumonia all the time without ever going outside. He could’ve gotten it regardless. What did your parents say?”
“They don’t know.”
Mia’s eyes go wide in shock and confusion.
“Ben made us promise not to tell our mom that we snuck out. He didn’t want us to get in trouble. They don’t know. Only Ben, who’s dead, Drew and me, and now you, know.” No matter how much I wanted to tell them, so they would have someone to blame, I couldn’t break my promise to Ben.
Mia stands and comes over to me, sits in my lap and wraps her arms around me. She smells like vanilla and comfort, a heady combination I’ve quickly become addicted to. And I hate that what I have to admit next might mean I’ll never get to smell her scent again.
“I can’t tell you what to do,” she says, pulling back slightly and looking into my eyes. “But I really think you should tell your parents.” She shifts, trying to get comfortable, and I hold on to her tighter. “You’ve been carrying this guilt with you all these years and you don’t even know if it was your fault.”
Not wanting to break our connection, but needing to get us more comfortable, I lift her and walk us over to her bed. I lie down, leaning against the headboard, and she stays straddling me. My dick feels her warmth and begs to come out, but I ignore it. Now is not the time…
“So, is that why you and Drew don’t talk?” she asks, her curious brown eyes boring into mine, begging for answers.
“No. We stopped talking because when Ben died I was in a really bad place, and Drew was comforting me, and…” I close my eyes, not wanting to see her expression when I admit what I’ve never said out loud. “I kissed him.”
The room goes quiet, and after several seconds of Mia not saying a word, I open my eyes. “That’s it?” she says, sounding sad as fuck. “You kissed him?”
“Uh, yeah, I kissed him. I was crying in bed the day of my brother’s funeral and he was trying to comfort me. We were lying close to each other, and something felt like it shifted… and I kissed him. He told me he needed some time, so I gave it to him. Every day I waited, hoping he would come around. But he never did. I tried to talk to him, but he shut me down. Ended our eight-year friendship. We went to high school and continued to play hockey for the same team, but we never spoke. Not until…”
Fuck, this is so embarrassing. She’s going to think the worst, and I’m not even sure she’d be wrong. “His dad died. And like a dumbass, I tried to be there for him. He was crying and I was just trying to comfort him the way he had comforted me, but then it happened again. I fucking kissed him, and that time he didn’t just stop talking to me, he ran… all the way to the NHL.”
Mia tugs on her top lip, her brows furrowed, but doesn’t say anything. I don’t know whether I’ve shocked her into silence or if she’s afraid to say whatever is on her mind.