Blind Reader Wanted

“Fine, I got it. I’ll stop nagging if you tell me where he is now.”

“He’s gone to see some friends.”

“Is he coming back?”

“I thought you were going to stop.”

“I am. Just answer this one last question.”

“He’ll be back in two days.”

“Lara, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but as your best friend I have to put it on record that I think you are making a huge mistake. First of all, he made you happy. Ever since you met him you have been walking around like a possum that has stolen into somebody’s sweet potato patch. If you could see yourself now. You are trying to pretend you don’t care, but your little heart is breaking.”

“It’s true, I am sad,” I confessed, “but it’s for the best.”

“Most things can be worked out with a little give and take,” she said.

I shook my head sadly. “Not this one. Our differences are irreconcilable.”

“You know what’s irreconcilable. When one party cheats, or beats you up, or doesn’t love you back. Everything else is workable. Is it any of the above?”

I shook my head silently.

“Then you owe it to yourself and him to work it out. True love doesn’t grow on trees. Do you think something this wonderful will come again in this deadbeat town? Trust me when I say it won’t. Even Picket Fence Peter is already taken.”

I felt a stab of pain at her words because I knew they were true. No one was ever again going to make me feel the way Kit did or love me the way he did.

“I never interfere in your-”

My head jerked at that statement.

“Okay, I interfere in your life all the time, but hell, I never insist that you listen to me.”

I jerked my head meaningfully again.

“Fine, I do insist a lot, but I have never insisted this much before. If you don’t try to work this out, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

My expression must have given me away because she really went for it then.

“Let me ask you something. If you found out that Kit had just one day left to live, would you still insist on fighting with him, or would you make the most of the time left to you?”

I froze. Without knowing it Elaine had hit the nail on the head. What the hell was I doing? I loved Kit with all my heart. In the way that mere words could not describe. Ever since he left last night my heart had turned to stone. The simple truth was my convictions were all well and good in theory, but now that I had gone and fallen head over heels in love with him. I couldn’t just walk away and move on. My life belonged with Kit. If I had one day left with him, then I would take that one day. If I had one hour left, I would take that one hour.

I leaned forward and kissed Elaine on the cheek. “Thank God for you, Elaine. You are right. I was being silly about something that can be worked out.”

She clapped her hands with satisfaction. “Good. Put it right as soon as you can.”

“Elaine, if there is absolutely nobody left in this town worth having, who will you end up with?”

“I’m leaving Durango Falls, Lara. I’m not going to rot here. I’m saving up. One of these days I’ll have enough to buy myself a bus ticket to a big bad city.”

“A city? Where?” I gasped.

“Hollywood.”

My mouth dropped open. “You’re thinking of moving to Hollywood!”

“Sure, I am.”

“What will you do there?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been writing little screenplays about life in a small town. I’ll see if I can sell my work, but of course, I’ll start off by waitressing.”

“If you need money, I have some saved up.”

“Nah, I’m still picking up the guts, girding my loins and stuff. You know how it is with Hollywood being full of bitches just waiting to scratch your eyes out. Anyway, we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you.”

I smiled. “Will you give me a lift to Kit’s house tomorrow? I want to surprise him when he comes back.”

Forty-four

Lara

When we arrived at Kit’s house, it was nearly five in the evening. I had learned the shapes and locations of everything inside Kit’s house. In fact, I would even go so far as to say I knew it almost as well as I knew my own home. I could glide through the rooms without stubbing a toe or knocking anything off a shelf.

However, I didn’t know where the switch for the wood stove was so Elaine came in with me and helped me find it. We didn’t light the fire, because neither she nor I knew how to build one that could last more than a few minutes. We had a cup of tea together, but she didn’t stay for long because she wanted to get home before dinnertime.

After she had gone I opened Kit’s cupboard. All the items in it had been arranged in a specific order so I knew where everything was. I selected a can of tomato soup. While I was pouring it into a saucepan I heard the familiar scratching on the back door. The wolves had sensed that somebody was back. With a happy smile, I opened the door and Lobo and Koa were waiting to greet me. Koa moved away after I gave them a bit of dried meat from the pantry, but Lobo stayed on for more hugs and cuddles. I know Kit said to keep a respectful distance from the wolves as they were not pets, but I completely ignored his instructions and kissed and cuddled Lobo and let him climb all over me.

When he had enough of being manhandled he wandered off and I returned to the kitchen. I warmed the soup, crumbled some cheese into it, and sat down at the table with a hunk of buttered bread.

I could hear the cold wind blowing through the trees, but it was lovely and warm beside the wood stove. I had never been in the house on my own, and it was a strange sensation. I started to think of Kit and my life with him. Would this be what I was consigning myself to?

Long, lonely nights waiting for him to come back. Not sure if he would. What would I do if he didn’t? The thought made me feel queasy and I quickly pushed it away and picked up my spoon determined to be positive, but my appetite was gone.

I washed up, put on my parka, hat, and gloves, and grabbing a heavy quilt went outside. The wolves were all back. I could feel and hear them. They came up to the porch to say hello. I sat on the tall chair he sat on and waited.

I was waiting for the sound of the car the men who had come to collect him the other night drove. I was not the only one. My ears might have been more attuned than other sighted humans, but they were nothing like the ears of those wolves.

Three of them joined me on the porch, their noses all turned toward the driveway, their tails flicking against the porch floorboards. Occasionally, one would reach forward and lick my hand. Now and again they would emit the tiniest whines, little worried sounds that made fear crawl up my spine.

I understood that they were waiting for him, too. How many times had they done this? How many times would I have to wait with my heart in my mouth?

I felt my watch face. It was only eight o’clock. Kit said he would be back at the very latest, tonight. I wondered what time he would come back. A thought occurred to me. What if he didn’t come back tonight though? What if he never came back?

The more time passed the more I began to regret my actions that night. Even though I had been so damn certain I was done with him, I shouldn’t have let him go to his dangerous mission after such a horrible argument. It could have affected his concentration and focus. It was a stupid thing to let him leave on such a bitter note.

I wasn’t thinking. All I could hear was the echo of my mother screaming hysterically, and all I could feel was the memory of the sun’s rays beating down on my head as I slid my hands over the polished casket. Losing my father was the worst day of my life–right up until the day I lost my brother.

All I could think of was that Kit lied to me, deliberately hid his secret from me. I was furious with him for letting the charade go on even after he knew I had fallen in love with him, but I think what hurt the most was that he was prepared to

walk away and go to his job when he could see that I was devastated. It felt as if he chose his job over me.

Ma used to say “happiness is just sadness biding its time”. Maybe I needed to be more patient. Maybe the day will come when he will love me more than his job. He can’t be a soldier forever. Maybe I’ll get luckier than Ma.

Bundled up in a parka and a quilt, and surrounded by an army of wolves, I was snug as a bug in a rug as I waited patiently. An hour passed. Several times I heard cars on the main road, but they did not have the same engine, and sure enough they did not come down the driveway.

Another wolf came onto the porch. I listened to its careful footsteps. They came right up to me, and that big wild animal sat down on his haunches. I felt his breath on my hand, and then his nose bumped my leg. He laid his head on my lap. I touched his muzzle and felt the scars.

Old Andak! Kit’s old, blind buddy. He had come to find me. I had no idea why he would seek me out that night–I will never in a million years understand why–but that was what it took to break me.

Make no mistake: I was one hell of a strong woman. I could handle anything, could take it all on my shoulders and deal with it, but something about that lovely kindred spirit coming to comfort me just did me in.

I leaned forward and buried my face in his thick, warm fur. He leaned into me as I let out a cry that made me sound like a wounded animal myself. It was filled with everything I had held back and fought through these long days and nights–all the worry and pain and fear that had driven me away from Kit, and then brought me right back here to where I belonged.

Other animals might have been startled by my actions. Other creatures might have run from the force of the sound, but those wolves–those wise, beautiful creatures–they didn’t flinch. They sat there, still as stone and just as solid. They were patient and understanding souls and they understood tears.

When the sobs were almost gone, Andak sat up. He nuzzled my face and then lay down beside me. I let my hand drop over the side of the chair to tangle my fingers in the scruff of his neck. I was so very tired and I was beginning to get more frightened. Why was Kit not back yet? He said latest three days. In fact, he seemed sure he’d be back after two days.