Kit took a deep breath.
“He’s gone, Lara. He died in my arms on this last trip. He was standing in the wrong place at the wrong time and we didn’t see it coming until it was too late.”
Kit’s voice was raw with hurt and sadness and it damn near broke my heart to hear him in that way. There was nothing I could do. His best friend would never return. I reached out to touch his shoulder. I felt Lobo push closer to him, and Kit wrapped an arm around the big wolf. He laid his head on my knee.
“He’s gone, and I’m not going back, Lara. I’m out.”
“You’re what?” My mind was reeling, thoughts bouncing back and forth like I was in a pinball machine. “What does that mean?”
“It means exactly what you think it means,” he said.
My heart leaped with disbelief.
“I’m done with the military,” he confirmed. “I only have a few more months before I have to make the decision on whether to re-enlist. I’m not going to do it. I was going to … this job has been my life. But I’ve realized that I can’t have a life with someone if I stay with this.”
I swallowed hard. I wanted so much for what he was saying to be real, but I dare not. “Kit, sometimes people make rash decisions when they are grieving …”
“I know that, but this isn’t a knee-jerk reaction. Roger and I promised each other we would retire together. He didn’t get to retire the way he wanted, but he insisted that I should … and I agree. I’m done, honey. For real. For good.
“And I know that it might not matter to you at this point. I know that you probably still plan to tell me goodbye. And that’s okay. I did lie to you. I kept things from you. I can understand if you want to go, but I have to warn you I won’t, I can’t let you go. Ever. You’re mine.
“You were mine from the day you walked out of that blue Toyota. You were as clean and as wholesome as an apple. I took one look at you and thought, she’s blind, but she’s shining with light and I can see, but I’m living with darkness. I survived because of you. You’re the reason I wake up in the morning, Lara. I ain’t going to stop asking you to marry me. I’ve good knees so I can stay on bended knee for as long as it takes.”
“Kit.” I squeezed his shoulder and pulled him closer to me. “Now it’s my turn to talk. Okay?”
I took several deep breaths, trying to center myself, hoping that I wouldn’t cry. Stupid idea, as tears were already welling up and spilling onto my cheeks. “I came to your house that night because I had already made my decision. It was Elaine that made me realize that even if it was only one day I could have with you, I’d rather have that than nothing. No matter what suffering I have to go through you are worth every second of any kind of pain.”
Kit’s hand tightened on mine.
“It’s only when you went away that I really realized just how much I love you. I knew I loved you, but I never understood how deeply. I love you so much I felt like dying without you. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t even function normally. I just sat at home in my pajamas until Elaine came around and then I quickly changed into some clothes and tried to pretend that I was normal.”
“Wait … what did you say?”
I smiled through the tears. “Very funny.”
When Kit turned and threw his arms around me, Lobo had enough. He wiggled and got out of the way with a sound that was almost a sigh, as though he was a human who was tired of this nonsense. I listened as he curled up by the front door, and I imagined he was looking back at us with the air of a teenager dealing with mom and dad showing too much affection in his presence.
I pulled away from Kit. “Kit, Mr. Haverbrooke said that Sawyer just upped sticks and left town after he shot me, but that can’t be true. I mean, I know he was a coward, but he would have figured he could fix anything once he’d married Kayleigh. Sawyer hasn’t left town, has he?”
“I only ever lied the once to you, Lara. I won’t do it again. You sure you want to know the truth?”
“I do. We’re in this together. No matter. If you go down, I go down.”
“I let it go when he killed Chepi, but he crossed the line when he left you for dead. A psychopath won’t stop, and as long as he walked this earth I knew no one I loved would be safe. I couldn’t trust the Sheriff to do the right thing. So I took care of it myself.”
“He’s dead?’’ I asked.
“He’s gone, Lara. He’s never coming back. All that matters to me is you and my wolves are safe and this land is at peace.” Kit’s voice changed. “As long as I live no one will ever hurt you again my Princess.”
In my heart I knew that Kit was right. Sawyer was criminally insane, and God only knew what he might have eventually done to Kayleigh. What if he’d kept his threat to come back for me? I sent a silent prayer of gratitude that could never happen now.
“What happens if anybody finds out?” I asked.
“I took steps to ensure that won’t ever happen. The earth will keep my secret long after we are gone.”
Kit pulled me to him and held me so tightly it was hard to breathe. I finally had to push on his chest with both hands, just a little, to give us both enough space. I wasn’t done with what I had to say.
“Sorry,” he apologized immediately.
“So I decided that I would take you as you are, and learn to deal with the fact that you were in the military. Now that you tell me you are leaving it, I am ecstatically happy not to have to be left alone for days not knowing if you are alive or dead. But either way, I’m here, and I’m not leaving.”
“Say that again,” he said, his words highlighted by his teasing tone.
“That I’m not leaving?”
“No. The other thing.”
“I sure do love you, you sexy hunk.”
Kit laughed as he pulled me close again, crushing me against his chest. “I love you too, you sassy, sweet, beautiful pain in my butt. You don’t know what I went through when I saw you lying on the porch. Fuck, I couldn’t go through that again. I thought for sure it was goodbye …”
“Kit,” I whispered against his jaw.
“Yeah?”
“Now shut up and show me how much you love me.”
He laughed against my lips before he stood up, slipped his arms underneath me, and lifted me as though I weighed nothing at all. His strong steps took us towards the stairs. “We don’t want Lobo to see this. I don’t want him getting ideas. You’re mine and he has to go find his own girl,” he said.
He lowered me to the bed and his hands immediately went to my blouse. “Let me show you just how much I fucking love you,” he said, opening my blouse one button at a time, kissing the exposed skin as he made his way down.
“Go on then,” I whispered, and he did. Over and over.
Forty-nine
Kit
“Do you want to come in with me or wait here?” I asked Lara.
“I’ll wait here. You go and do what you have to,” she said, and smiled at me.
“Okay, I won’t be long.” I kissed her and jumped out of the truck. I walked up to the front door of a small house with an immaculate lawn. A woman opened the door.
“Hey, Marla,” I greeted.
Her mouth dropped open. “Kit. What are you doing here?”
“I was passing through and just thought I would stop by. Where’s Mike?”
“At work,” she said slowly.
“Kids at school?”
“Yeah. You want to come in?” The years had not been so kind to her. There was som
ething sad about her.
“Sure,” I said.
“You got someone in the car?”
“That’s my girl Lara.”
“Doesn’t she want to come in?”
“No, she’s got a Dolly Parton CD on. Country music hurts my ears, so she has to find opportunities to listen when I’m not around.” I smiled at her.
With an answering smile she opened the door wider, and I stepped into a neat space. There were floral curtains at the windows all tied up with pretty ribbons, and the sofas looked like miniature versions of the real thing. It was a bit like being in a doll’s house.
She waved her hand towards the largest sofa. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Thanks, but I’m all right,” I said.
She nodded and went to perch on a pink armchair opposite. Clearing my throat uncomfortably, I folded my giant form into the little sofa.
“So … what did you want to tell me?”
“I wanted to tell you about Roger.”
She frowned. “Roger? What about him?”
“He’s gone. He passed on.”
Her hands rushed to clasp her face. “No,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry, Marla.”
She looked confused. “How?”
“Would you believe me if I told you someone pulled a gun on him in the car park of a bar. He got shot in the neck and died. No one knows who did it.”
She shook her head. “No, I’d have to call you a liar. Nobody could pull a gun on Roger in the parking lot of a bar. He was too fast.”
“That’s the official version.”
She stared at me, her eyes wide. “Why does Roger’s death need an official version?”
“Why do you think?”
Her face paled and her hands clenched. “I thought he left the army.”
I looked at her and said nothing.
She breathed out. “Oh my God. It all makes sense now.”
“I’m so sorry, Marla.”
She nodded a few times. A phone rang somewhere in the house and she jumped up. “I have to answer that,” she said distractedly.