Can't Let Her Go

I pull my sweater on and whirl around to face her. “We are going to get through this. Things look and sound bad tonight, but the morning will come. When it does, we will assess our position and make plans. I’m not going to die in some crummy house in the middle of Russia. That isn’t my fate. And if it’s not mine, it’s not yours either. Now, we should probably sleep.”

I watch her fasten her jeans, and I can’t stop the lust that floods my body again. I could take her right now, but I won’t. The closer I get to her the harder it will be to hand her over to Anakin. Just the thought is already sticking like a claw in my gut. I retrieve the Sherpa’s coat which is already dry and cover her.

She smiles at me innocently.

It makes me feel like a heel. I don’t know what Anakin has done to the other girls and what plans he has for her, but they can’t be good. I add another log to the fire, and I think perhaps we have enough for the night, but not enough for tomorrow. I push tomorrow out of my mind. I will face those problems when they arise. I bundle up and lie down next to her.

She moves closer to me and lifts the coat. “We share,” she says.

I nod and move against her, under the coat. Her heat radiates through me. I remember her orgasm. Then I have the wild and totally unrealistic thought that maybe I could buy her from Anakin. I have some money saved. I would give it all to him if he would sell her to me. The idea is so stupid it makes my eyes snap open. I stare into the fire blankly. The flames remind me that we all burn in the end. Maybe Katya and I will burn out quicker than most people.

I close my eyes and tell myself to sleep. In the morning, in the morning …

I wake up freezing. A glance at the fire shows me there are only a few glowing embers left. There’s light in the room, so it’s after daybreak. I move and Katya rolls away, hugging the coat tighter. I scoot across the cold floor to the stack of wood and add a log to the fire. Then, I grab another log and stoke the embers. They’re hot enough I think to start the log burning. I hope so. The log in my hand is the last log in the house. I need to get more, but I’ll wait till she wakes. I want to see her when she first opens her eyes.

I go to the window and look out. The wind has diminished as has the snow. The glass is too dirty and frosty to see much. I don’t need to see much to know this is a bad spot to be in, very bad. We’re going to get out today if we can. There’s absolutely no reason to stay if the weather cooperates. We will never be stronger than we are right now, never warmer, never more able to survive. Waiting for someone to rescue us is insane. Every hour does little but take a bit more of our energy.

I grab some glasses and fill them from the pump. I carry the glasses three at a time to the bathroom and fill the toilet tank. I’m not sure why I’m doing this. I’m not usually so solicitous towards the women I sleep with. I suppose I want to give her some privacy. It’s not much. In fact, it’s a tiny thing, but that’s the best I can do for her.

As I refill the toilet, I think about the night before, her orgasm. In a way, it was a stupid thing to do. It siphoned off a lot of her precious energy. Once the tank is nearly full, I go outside and relieve myself. It is so cold my urine becomes yellow ice as soon as it hits the ground.

By the time I come back in, she’s awake. She smiles at me, the sweetest, brightest, most enchanting smile ever. No one would imagine that she is stuck in a cold hut in the middle of nowhere with death staring her in the face. Funny thing is I smile back. A smile that feels as if it is flowing from my heart.

“I’ve filled the toilet tank,” I tell her. “You can use it.”

Her eyes shine. “You filled it for me?”

“Yeah. I decided to fertilize the grounds.”

She laughs, and it’s a good strong laugh. The kind of laugh you wouldn’t expect from such a beautiful face. I could learn to love her laugh. I could learn to love it until Anakin shoots me in the face.

I tell myself not to love the laugh too much.

Hunter

On her way to the toilet she gives me a kiss, just a little kiss, but it’s enough. It says all that needs to be said. She had a good night, and now she will join me in the business of getting us out of this mess. Even though my tongue has licked and sucked every inch of her, she closes the bathroom door modestly.

For a few moments, I stand there staring at the closed door, then I open the front door and face a world of white.

The snow has covered everything, and there is no trace of the tracks we made yesterday. In the distance, I think I can see the Ford Explorer. It’s another lump in the snow. Beyond that is the road, although I can see from here that it hasn’t been plowed or cleared. That’s not encouraging, but it is what it is. I look at the sky, and the light gray clouds are thinning. The sun will come out soon. At least, I think it will, but it will not have much heat. Zipping my jacket against the icy wind, I leave the porch to fetch wood.

The snow is up to my knees, but it’s not wet and heavy and that’s a good thing. Slogging through wet snow would be brutal. The light stuff will be bad enough. I grab enough logs to get us through the morning because that’s as long as I think we should stay. The road is our only way out, and we have to reach it early in the day.

It’s a desperate, mad idea, but it’s the only one I’ve got. If we don’t get picked up, we’ll face another night in the cold, and there’s no guarantee we’ll find any more shelter. Alone in the dark and cold with no fire, we’re facing almost certain death. If we huddle together, we might be able to stay warm. But waiting another day will only make us weaker and I can’t believe we won’t come across another human being on the road all day long.

Inside, I’m happy to see I haven’t managed to kill the fire yet. It is burning brightly. Katya comes out of the bathroom, and I can tell that she’s done something to her hair, smoothed it out and combed it so it hangs around her breasts. And just like that … my cock starts straining in my pants. I turn away from her. The last thing we need is to waste any time having sex.

“How are you?” I ask putting more logs onto the fire.

“Fine,” she answers. “You?”

“As good as it gets. Have a seat, we need to plan how we’re going to get out of this.”

She sits on the mattress, and I settle down opposite her. I want to take her hand, but I don’t. “Here’s how I see things. The snow covered over every sign that we’re here. Someone might see the smoke from the chimney, but there’s no guarantee of that, and even if they do, they’ll hardly think it strange. No one is looking for us because we haven’t called anyone. Your parents won’t come looking because you’re on your way to America. The Sherpa’s family might start looking for him in a day or two, but that’s not guaranteed either. He might not even have a family. Our phones won’t work. In short, we’re on our own. Any rescue attempt won’t happen for days if ever. They might not even find the vehicle before spring.”

“So, you’re thinking we should walk out?” she asks.

I nod. “I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t see any way around it. Every day we wait, we’ll grow a little weaker. It will get harder. We have plenty of water and there’s enough wood for another two or three days, but we don’t have food. I don’t see anything moving out there, and even if I could, I don’t have anything to hunt them with.”

“What about the Sherpa?”

My eyes widen. “I know people in dire straits will eat anything they can find, but we’re not going cannibal just yet.”

She shakes her head. “What I mean is … are we going to leave him here?”

“We don’t have much choice. I’m a foreigner and I don’t want any trouble. When we get back to the States, you can send a note to the embassy and explain what happened.” I don’t tell her that I’ve been bred to keep a safe distance from the police. Under no circumstances am I going to them for help.

“I understand,” she says.

“So, we’re going to be leaving soon. Once we’re on the move, we won’t talk unless we have to. We?

??ll get to the road and we’ll walk it until someone picks us up. I can’t see how anyone would drive on and leave us to die out here. When we’re picked up, you will tell them that we went into the ditch during the storm. We found a little house to stay in, but our vehicle is out of commission. We won’t mention the Sherpa, OK?”

She nods.

“And when we get to a town, we’ll get a ride on a train or bus or something. I don’t think I can rent a car.”

“I can’t either.”

“If we’re lucky, we’ll be well out of Russia before the Sherpa is found. I don’t know about you, but that’s fine with me.”

“Actually, me too.”

“Good, so we’ll leave as soon as we’ve had something to drink. People dehydrate in the cold just like they do in the heat.”

She squeezes my hand. “You’re not sure we’ll make it, are you?”

I don’t tell her that I don’t like our odds. I keep that to myself. “I won’t lie to you. People die in the cold all the time, but if we can hike the road, we have a good chance. Better than staying here.”

“We could make a sign or something.”

“We could spell out HELP or something, but it could snow again later and it would take a plane to find the message. I don’t know how many flights go over or how observant their pilots are. If we didn’t have a road, I’d go for it. But we have a road.”

“I am ready to go with you.”

“Drink some water.”

I watch her tip her head back and chug down two whole glasses of water. I’m glad she’s game for the try. I look around the room. I’ll kill the fire when we leave. I’d hate to burn down the house. I pull out my phone and turn it off. Draining the battery by trying to find a connection won’t do us any good. “Wear the Sherpa’s coat over yours, and you’ll be that much warmer.”

She nods and takes the coat.