“You should probably just follow your heart,” he said, suddenly feeling like an ass for forcing her to see the opportunity as anything less than perfect.
“That’s what Pierre told me, but if I followed my heart, I’d turn this down. My heart wants to follow you.”
A mix of joy and terror swirled through Kellen’s chest. “Would you be okay with me following you instead?”
“I’m not sure if I can wait until your tour is over, Kellen. I miss you so much already.”
“The tour is already over,” he said. “My band broke up.”
Saying the words made it more real, and that panicky feeling he’d been trying to quash before he heard Dawn’s voice began rising again, making it difficult to draw air.
“Wait. I think I heard you wrong,” Dawn said. “Did you just say your band broke up?”
“Yeah. We can’t find Adam. He took off right before we were set to go onstage and didn’t let anyone know where he was going. It was the final straw for Jacob. The rest of us were pretty much in shock when he made us choose between kicking Adam out of the band or him leaving. So he left.”
“I— I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. Do you think you guys can work things out?”
Kellen bit his lip. “I keep saying that, keep telling myself that we can. But deep down I’m not sure. I’m not sure about anything right now.” He took a deep breath. “Except you. I’m sure about you, Dawn.”
“I’ll cancel this week’s performance and meet you in . . . Where are you?”
“No. Don’t do that. Go to Prague. Make grown men weep with the beauty of your music. By the time you get back, I’m sure I’ll have myself sorted out.”
“I feel terrible,” she said. “Everything is going so well for me, and your band is falling apart. I know how important they are to you. Do you want to come to Prague?”
He did want to go to her. Go to Prague. Hold her as tightly as he needed to be held, but . . .
“We might get this mess sorted out, and I’ll need to be here for the next tour date. I’m sort of stuck at the moment.”
“I wish I could be there with you,” she said.
He wished that too, but didn’t want to make her feel any worse. “I’ll be okay.”
Owen came out of the bathroom, which he’d been using as his personal sanctuary, and Kellen offered him a comforting smile. “I’m going to let you go,” he told Dawn. “You have to be up early for your flight. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“If you need me for anything, call. I might not be able to be there in person, but I’m there in spirit.”
“I know you are. I can feel you.”
After they said their goodbyes, he tucked his phone into his pocket. He patted the sofa beside him, and Owen collapsed into the spot. Owen tilted his head back and rubbed his eyes with one hand as he let loose a lion-size yawn.
“Did you talk to Caitlyn?” Kellen asked, figuring that was what he’d been doing in the bathroom for over an hour.
“Yeah, she’s going to visit soon. Either here or in Austin, depending on what Sally decides to do in the morning. What about Dawn?”
Kellen shrugged. “She’s busy.” And he left it at that. He’d never been one to discuss his girl troubles—or perfection, in Dawn’s case—with anyone. Not even Owen.
“I should probably hit the sheets.”
“It has been a long day.”
“Do you think we’re over?” Owen asked. “The band, I mean. Not us. We’ll always be best friends.”
Kellen wasn’t sure why those words closed around his throat like a fist. For the past few days, he’d felt that Owen was drifting away. That feeling was probably due to their brief separation over the weekend, but something felt different between them, and Kellen couldn’t put his finger on what.
“I don’t know. Jacob was monumentally pissed. I think that anger has been building inside him for a long time. To us, his breaking off from the band might have felt like a sudden, rash decision, but I don’t think that’s the case with him. He’s probably been considering this for a while now.”
“I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach,” Owen said. “I told you earlier that something was wrong, but the feeling hasn’t gone away, even with Jacob taking off. I’m starting to think something truly terrible has happened to Adam.”
Adam being in real trouble would explain why no one had heard from him for hours, but Kellen slapped Owen on the arm and said, “He’s fine. He’s been to hell and back how many times? He can survive anything.”
“He’s always survived because Jacob comes to his rescue.”
That sick feeling Owen described settled in Kellen’s gut as he realized Owen was right.
“Adam has Madison now,” Kellen said, trying to make himself feel better as much as he was hoping to placate Owen’s fears.
Chapter Sixteen
The next evening Kellen sat in his Firebird in front of Owen’s house, staring at the familiar and welcoming blue cottage. He hesitated to go inside, even though he felt drawn to Owen in this time of uncertainty and Owen was expecting his visit. Sally had let Kellen know that Jacob would be on the local evening news—hopefully to explain why he’d said the band was over, why he’d taken off in the middle of the tour, and generally why he wasn’t making a lick of sense.
Jacob had to know that he wasn’t the only one affected by his rash decision. If the band didn’t get back together, there was no reserve plan ready to sweep in and rescue them all. Kellen had focused his life on perfecting the guitar—it was all he had going for him—and yet by remaining a rhythm guitarist instead of ever taking lead, he was essentially unknown. Adam was Sole Regret’s guitarist. Adam was the one the fans cheered for. Adam was the one they knew by name. Adam was the one who could leave right before a New Orleans concert to check on his injured girlfriend in Dallas-fucking-Texas and still have everyone scrambling to kiss his ass. Kellen wasn’t sure if the guy was an asshole or a hero.
Kellen climbed the front step and stood in the cool shade of the porch.
He might get a gig with another band—most likely an obscure band—but would Owen be a part of that? He wasn’t sure if he could play with another bassist. And the thought of not being able to play with Owen was far more frightening to him than splitting off from the rest of the band. He considered all the guys close friends, but Owen was an integral part of his life. He wouldn’t know how to get by without him.
Maybe the two of them could form their own band. But neither of them had Jacob’s drive , Gabe’s energy, or the dark, demonic muse that possessed Adam, so the two of them would never replicate the magic of Sole Regret, and Kellen wasn’t ready to give up on that magic yet. So it was best that he and Owen help Jacob remove his head from his ass, calm Gabe enough for him to think rationally, and get Adam to talk to them about what was going on in his twisted mind, because they obviously weren’t relating to each other the way they should.
And though all of these worries were weighing heavily on Kellen’s heart, he wasn’t still sitting in his car staring at Owen’s house for that reason. No, he was roasting alive in his Firebird’s stifling interior solely because he wasn’t sure how he would react to seeing Lindsey again. Since she was staying with Owen temporarily, he was bound to run into her. What if the mere sight of her reversed all the soul-healing progress he’d made with Dawn’s help last weekend? He guessed he’d just have to hole up somewhere with Dawn for another private weekend and set himself straight again. Not exactly a burden.
He stared at the house. He could do it. He could handle seeing the pretty pregnant ghost again. Besides, Sara—damn—Lindsey was a minor concern compared to getting the band together. He climbed out of his car and hurried up the front walk, playing different conversations through his head. He needed a different approach for each guy. Gabe was driven by his head, Adam by his gut, Jacob by his heart, and Owen . . . Kellen didn’t actually need an approach for Owen. They were always on the same wavelength.
; When Kellen reached the front door, he hesitated for just a second before he tried the knob and found it unlocked. Owen’s home had always been like his own, just as Kellen’s door was always open for Owen. Even though he had guests, Owen would expect him to come inside. And based on the enormous black pickup parked out front, not every guest was a woman.
“Is Gabe here too?” Kellen called to announce his arrival. “Isn’t that his truck taking up half the street?”
“Hey.” Gabe nodded at Kellen when he entered the living room. His green eyes were troubled, and he looked about as well-rested as Kellen felt, which wasn’t well at all considering he hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours.
Caitlyn was sitting beside Owen, holding his hand, offering the support that Kellen usually gave him. Kellen didn’t feel jealous, not exactly. He felt lost. Where was his place if it wasn’t beside Owen? Maybe if Dawn was there to hold his hand, he’d feel a bit more grounded, but she was en route to Prague. As much as he missed her, he was proud that she was so worldly. He’d sort all the crap out somehow, but doing so would have to wait until he was alone and he could reflect. At the moment, there was too much turmoil in the band for him to reflect on anything but their pile of rubble.
He doubted any of them would be able to sort themselves out if the band didn’t get back together. Jacob was obviously even more lost than Kellen—his actions were a cry for help. And as Jacob was the one who understood Adam best, without Jacob, Adam would be lost as well. The two needed each other, just as he and Owen needed one another. He wondered what it felt like to be Gabe, who didn’t need any of them to feel grounded and who never felt lost. Or did he? Based on his expression, perhaps Gabe was feeling lost as well.
Kellen played it cool as he flopped down on the sofa next to Owen. He knew they expected him to be the even-tempered one and was committed to doing his best to be the guy they needed. Kellen glanced at the television, surprised they were watching a baseball game instead of Jacob’s news segment. He’d called Owen ahead of time with a heads-up.
“Turn the channel,” Kellen said, extending a hand toward the television. “It should be starting.”
“Already?” Owen scrambled for the remote. “I thought you said tonight.”
“At five.”
Owen cringed and flipped through the channels until Jacob’s face filled the screen. And then the camera panned out to show a woman sitting beside him.
Tina? Kellen exchanged a flabbergasted look with Owen before searching the television screen for clues to the reason their obviously insane lead singer was holding hands with his ex-wife on live television. Last Kellen had heard, Jacob despised Tina and was getting pretty serious about her sister, Amanda.
Owen couldn’t even get a full sentence out of his gaping mouth. “What the . . . ?”
“That settles it,” Gabe said. “He’s completely lost his shit. We’re having him committed.”
Owen cranked up the volume so they could hear better. Jacob’s words scarcely registered with Kellen—something about family being more important than success. Kellen was more interested in body language. Jacob sat as rigid as the oak tree Kellen often likened him to, while Tina leaned into him with a satisfied smile on her pretty face. She was holding Jacob’s hand, not the other way around, and there was something in her eyes. Something triumphant. There was something in Jacob’s too. His expression was closer to defeat. Despair? It was hard to read him clearly on television.
“So the rest of Sole Regret’s summer tour is canceled,” Jacob announced in a flat tone. “I’ll personally repay the fans for any nonrefundable tickets.”
“What?” Tina’s triumph faltered just a bit as she turned her astonished gaze on Jacob before fixing her stare back on the camera.
“What?” Gabe shouted at the television.
“Are you back together with your ex-wife?” a reporter asked. “If I recall correctly, your divorce was rather messy.”
“And final!” Gabe leaned closer to the TV as if he wanted to climb inside and strangle Jacob.
“We’re going to live together as a family,” Jacob said. For a second, a small smile turned up the corner of his mouth.
Kellen recognized the smile Jacob reserved for his little girl. He could very easily see Jacob giving up everything for Julie. But not for Tina. Never for Tina. Kellen searched his memory for some clue as to why Jacob’s world had apparently tilted on its side, but came up lacking. He’d been so concerned with his own drama that he hadn’t been paying attention to anyone else’s.
“I won’t be able to afford two homes once all the lawsuits start being filed,” Jacob continued, “so I’ve moved back in with my w-wife and daughter.”
And there would be lawsuits. Lots and lots of lawsuits. Kellen wasn’t even sure how many contracts they were breaking here.
“Lawsuits?” Tina asked. Her confident smile was gone now. She gawked at Jacob, but it was the way she suddenly released his hand that made Kellen wonder if the band breakup was a front for something that had nothing to do with Sole Regret. But Jacob wouldn’t use them for selfish gain, would he?
“I’m breaking all sorts of contracts to be with you,” Jacob said, his gaze turning soft, almost loving, as he looked at her. Kellen shook his head at the TV. Jacob’s mixed signals were impossible to read, but Tina seemed to be as stunned by his claims as the rest of them. “But none of that’s important. My career is over. I’ll be utterly broke, but none of that matters. All that matters is that you get what you want, Tina. You want me, right?”
Tina blinked at him. Her gaze shifted to her lap where her hands were now folded. “Of course I do.”
But there was an unspoken stipulation there, Kellen mused. He could practically see it on her forehead. She wanted Shade Silverton, the rock star, not Jacob Silverton, the regular guy, and Jacob seemed to realize that that was the only card he had left to play in their troubling game.
“Does he really not care that he’s going to lose everything?” Gabe fumed, barely staying in his chair. “He doesn’t even like her!”
“All we need is love,” Jacob said, his gaze solidly locked with Tina’s.
Maybe she would settle for Jacob the gifted actor, because wow, Kellen could almost buy his sincerity. If he hadn’t known Jacob better, hadn’t lived with him through the hell of his divorce, hadn’t witnessed how hard it had been for Jacob to straighten out his life after Tina had insisted they split, Kellen would have though Jacob was in love with the gold-digger.
“Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” Jacob kissed Tina’s hand. Her lips were pursed too rigidly to actually smile.
“That’s right,” she managed to say.
A vicious game was being played out right before them. Tina held all the aces, or made Jacob think she did, but Jacob wasn’t as stupid as she thought he was. He knew what she was really after and knew how to take it away. Kellen didn’t like that he’d tangled Sole Regret up in his scheme, but they couldn’t accept the situation at face value. Deeper issues were churning beneath the surface.
“We’re missing something,” Owen said. “Something monumental.”
Exactly. Kellen snorted because Owen’s thoughts mirrored his. “Don’t you see what he’s doing?” Kellen asked.
“Being the biggest fucking idiot who ever lived?” Gabe yelled.
“He’s calling her bluff.”
Tina didn’t have as many aces as she thought she did.
“What bluff?” Owen asked.
“I don’t know,” Kellen said, “but look at her face. She started off smug—like she had him by the balls, like she was in charge and held all the aces. And now she looks like she’s ready to fold.” Or puke.
“You don’t honestly think he’s willing to give up everything just to get back at her?” Gabe said. “And he’s not the only one he’s screwing here. What about us? We have a stake in this too. Did he ever consider how this would affect anyone but himself?”
“It has to have something to do with Julie,”
Owen said.
Kellen’s heart skipped a beat. Owen was probably right. Jacob’s seemingly irrational behavior likely involved Julie. She was the only person on the planet that Jacob would sacrifice everything to protect.
“I’m going to kill him,” Gabe said. “If Adam doesn’t get to him before I do, I’m going to reach into his gut and yank out his balls from the inside.”
“Give him a little time to sort himself out,” Kellen said. Jacob wouldn’t betray them for the hell of it. Kellen hadn’t been sure of that before, but now, seeing him with Tina, he had no doubt that she’d somehow forced his hand, and he’d called her on it.
“He’s getting back together with Tina.” Owen pointed at the television where Jacob was discussing plans for his less than spectacular future.
“I might paint houses,” Jacob said. “Or sell tires. I do want to finish my education—get my GED and set the right example for my daughter.”
“I don’t think he is.” Kellen tilted his head slightly, looking for more clues in the couple’s body language. All was not easy and happy in the Silverton household, that much was clear.
“You’re going to let him get away with this bullshit?” Gabe said. “He walked out on us, Kellen. And without him fronting the band, Sole Regret will never be the same.”
Lead singers almost always made the band. Kellen couldn’t deny how much easier it was to find a replacement for a rhythm guitarist, a bassist, even a drummer. But a singer? Or their lead guitarist and songwriter? The two of them really made the band. None of them could deny that reality.