Sean had already eaten half his slice by the time she took her first bite. And when the mingling tastes of the pepperoni and mushrooms and onions and peppers and sauce and cheese all hit her tongue at once, she couldn't keep her eyes from closing or a low moan of pleasure from leaving her throat.
"Good?"
Sean was clearly amused, but she didn't have it in her to be embarrassed, not when this pizza was the very best thing she'd eaten in her whole life. Ever.
"So good," she managed to get out between bites as she concentrated her entire being on her meal for a few minutes. Each new taste was as big a revelation as the one that came before it, and washing it down with Coke felt so deliciously sinful. In fact, it took several minutes for her to resurface and remember that she was sitting in a pizza joint with a gorgeous guy from school. Who just happened to be grinning at her.
"I take it you agree that it's the best pizza on the West Coast?"
"I've never eaten pizza anywhere else, but it's so amazing I'm sure you're right."
His eyebrows went up. "You're joking, aren't you?"
She was momentarily confused. "About what?"
"You've never eaten pizza before?"
Ugh, her and her stupid mouth. Between feeling increasingly comfortable talking with Sean and the food coma she was quickly slipping into, she'd said more than she should have.
Knowing there was no point in trying to laugh off her comment, she simply said, "My life has been pretty weird up until now. I haven't done a lot of normal stuff. Especially," she added, "when it comes to junk food. It's not exactly true that I've never eaten pizza before, just that I was really little the last time I did. My mom would freak out if she saw this."
"You mean because of your modeling career?"
Serena nodded, hoping he would drop it. She didn't want to talk about her mom or the career she'd left behind. Not when, for a few precious moments, she'd actually managed to forget all about them.
"So," he said as he toed her bag on the floor and it didn't budge, "what's in all the books you've got crammed into this bag?"
Relieved that he'd decided to change subjects, she said, "Nearly everything ever written about the Bronte sisters and their books. I'm in love with the way they use language, with how their books can make people feel so much, from hope to despair, laughter and tears." On a roll, she told him, "I love that I can learn almost anything from a book--how to build a boat, or speak a new language, or probably even fly a plane. I even love the way books smell. If I were locked inside a library or a bookstore for weeks on end, I'm certain that I would never run out of interesting things to discover."
She finally realized she was rambling, but fortunately he didn't look like he minded and his eyes weren't glazing over.
"Do you want to write?"
"Maybe. Or teach. Or study the origins of language. Or work in a library. Or--" She cut herself off before she went zooming again. "That's why I'm so excited to be at Stanford. Everything seems possible."
"Most people would have thought you already had everything."
She didn't want to sound ungrateful for her success. And since she still didn't know him well enough to know if she could totally trust him, she simply said, "My career was great. I worked with a lot of wonderful people."
"But you didn't get to live in a library all day."
Again, he surprised her with how quickly he boiled everything down to the heart of the matter. And how well he understood what she was feeling without her having to say much at all.
"No, I didn't get to spend nearly enough time in libraries. But now I do." Which reminded her... "I should actually be heading back to campus. I have a lot of reading to get through tonight."
"On a Friday night?"
"I've agreed to help one of my professors with some new class material he's working on, so my load has gotten a little heavier." As they stood up and he slung both their bags over his broad shoulders, she said, "Thank you for the pizza. It was great."
"You're not done with me yet," he said with a grin. "We've still got to make the walk back to your dorm."
"Actually, I think I'll head to the library to work there until it closes." Just as she had every Friday night since she'd been on campus.
"Something tells me," he said as they headed out onto the sidewalk and started walking back toward campus, "that hanging out with you would be good for my GPA."
"What's your major?"
"Baseball." He laughed. "With a degree in Economics on the side."
"As you might have already guessed, I've heard a few things about how great you are at baseball. Are you really going to go pro at the end of this year?"
"I could." He didn't say anything else for a little while, and she let him take the time to get his thoughts together. "But--" When he turned to look at her, his eyes were even darker than usual. "--my mom was pretty big on all of us getting a college degree. I can't help but think if I go pro before graduating, and maybe don't end up coming back to finish one day, that she'd be disappointed."
"I very much doubt," Serena said in a gentle voice, "that there's anything you could do that would disappoint her."
He stopped walking and reached for her hand. "The way I acted with you last weekend...she would have been disappointed with that."
"You've already apologized, Sean."
"But I shouldn't have treated you like--"
"How about," she interrupted, "we agree to forget what happened last Friday night? We were both in a weird space and nothing really bad ended up happening, so I'd hate to ruin today by going back to that again."
He searched her face for several long moments. Finally, he agreed, "Okay, I'll try to forget the bad stuff, like what a dick I was. But I can't guarantee I'll be able to forget everything." He moved closer, close enough that she could have easily pressed her lips to his before taking her next breath. "Because I really, really liked kissing you, Serena. And I'm really glad you agreed to come get pizza with me today."
She knew she was blushing as she said, "I've really enjoyed hanging out with you today, too. You made a bad day so much better. Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me for anything, Serena. I'm just glad I was able to be there for you when you needed me. And if you ever want to talk about what happened this afternoon, I'm here."
Could anyone be sweeter? Not to mention that the way his low voice sizzled through her veins made it hard to think about anything other than her desperate need to kiss him again.
And yet, it was that very desperation that scared her enough to need to take a step away from him. Of course she wanted to experience magic and passion, but at the same time she didn't have any experience with these kinds of intense feelings. Feelings that had all come on so suddenly...ones that felt like they could zoom ahead really fast. She needed a little time to think, to process, to try to figure out if she could actually manage to do well in school and date, too. Especially given that any guy she was dating was sure to find his face in a tabloid photo pretty darn fast, which also meant that her mother would find out, too.
"I wasn't trying to blow you off last Friday when I said I needed to study," she tried to explain. "It's just that I really need to do well this quarter. That's why I've got to work so hard all the time, even tonight."
"If I kissed you again now, something tells me you might change your mind about studying tonight."
Oh God, when he looked at her like that, with so much heat and desire, she couldn't look away from him, couldn't move. All she could do was wait for his mouth to cover hers, and for everything else to fade away beneath the inevitable persuasion of his kiss.
Only, right when she could almost feel his lips against hers, he was the one suddenly taking a step back and letting go of her hand. "Damn it, I'm doing it again. Trying to convince you to do something you don't want to do." He cursed again, clearly pissed off at himself. "I have no right to ask you to forgive me again--"
"There's nothing to forgive." Because the truth was th
at she'd wanted his kiss just as much. "Any other girl would have been dying for you to kiss her. And," she added with a small smile that she hoped would soften the blow, "I can say from personal experience that they would have liked it very much." She took a deep breath and made herself add, "Maybe one day I won't always have to study quite so hard."
She hoped he knew that was her way of trying not to close the door forever, and thankfully a few seconds later, he smiled again. Unfortunately, it wasn't his normal easy smile, because he was clearly still upset with himself. And when he dropped her off at the library a short while later, he was careful not to do anything that could be misconstrued as hitting on her again.
So then, Serena wondered as she headed to her usual spot on the third floor, if he'd just given her exactly the space she'd told him she needed by not kissing or even hugging her, why did her little corner of the library suddenly feel lonelier than ever?