The day when he'd stopped being able to see the beauty in anything.
From that day forward, he'd only been looking for numb. And for the past three months, that was all he'd gone for to replace grief.
Until Serena had appeared, like a beautiful angel, before him.
He'd thought his love for photography had died when his mother had, had known he couldn't possibly take another picture without being able to show it to her. But now, suddenly, he found himself wondering, could he do it again? Could he take a picture one day and not feel only the pain, the helplessness, of watching his mom slip away? Because just as he'd been overwhelmed by the urge to capture Serena's beauty on film in the library with the sunlight shining down on her, the same intense yearning had come over him again in the photo archives when she'd been studying Ansel Adams's photo, Bridalveil Fall.
The knock came at his door a beat before he heard a female voice say, "Sean? Are you in there?"
Olivia? What was his sister doing here?
Of course, it wasn't hard to guess that she must have seen the magazine. His little sister, Maddie, had been the first to text him to ask if he really was dating Serena Britten and to find out if she was as pretty in person as she was in magazines. He'd given her both answers, first that he was trying to convince Serena to date him--and also that she was a thousand times more beautiful in person. His two older brothers were likely too busy taking over the business and rock 'n' roll worlds to have seen the story yet, and no doubt his twin had been locked inside a lab all day and hadn't even seen the sunlight, let alone some paparazzi pictures.
But Olivia...she noticed everything. Worried about it all, too. And if his fastidious sister was willing to pick her way through empty beer bottles and smelly frat guys to come and see him, that meant she was really worried.
He opened the door. "Welcome."
"I really don't know how you can stand to live in a place like this," she murmured as she walked into his room. Never one to waste time getting to the point, she sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled out her phone to show him the story he'd already seen too many times today. "A friend of mine showed this to me tonight at dinner. And since I can see that you're not surprised, I take it you've already seen it."
He sat in the chair behind his desk and swiveled it to face Olivia. His room was one of the biggest in the frat house--and one of the only ones that came with its own bathroom and shower--but with his sister's concern sucking up all the oxygen in the room, it suddenly felt way too small.
"A good dozen times."
"I thought Drew was the only one we were going to see in things like this--at least, until you went pro."
Sean instantly tensed up at the assumption that he was definitely going to play pro baseball. He was used to strangers bringing it up, but a part of him wished his sister knew him better...even though he hadn't actually said or done much to make her think he might want to pursue a different path in life.
"Is it true? Are you dating the supermodel?"
Olivia only had his best interests at heart, but he still didn't like the way she'd boiled Serena down to the supermodel. "Her name is Serena." He forced his frustration back, knowing none of this was his sister's fault. "No, we're not dating." Not yet, anyway. "But we're friends."
"Really? You're not dating?" She looked down at the pictures, seeing what everyone else must have--a guy and a girl on the verge of a kiss, both of whom were dying for it. "Because you two look pretty close for just being friends."
"Look, just because we're not dating yet doesn't mean I don't wish we were. She's pretty skittish about getting involved with anyone."
"Well, I'd say you're both pretty darn involved now, whether you want to be or not." She pinned him with her clear blue gaze, so much like his mother's that it shook him. "I don't want you to get hurt, Sean." Of his five siblings, Olivia had always been the caretaker. If his parents weren't around, she was the one who'd pull out the first aid kit and make them hold still while she cleaned their playground cuts.
Giving his head a shake so that he was seeing Olivia sitting on his bed instead of a ghost, he said, "You don't have to worry about me, sis."
"You really like this one, don't you?" At his look, she amended this one to, "Serena."
"Serena is different. You'd like her." He could so easily see Serena and Olivia hanging out, talking books. "You'd like her a lot, actually."
"Are you sure you don't just think she's great because she's so pretty? I mean, even another girl like me can see how beauty like hers could blind someone to anything bad she might be hiding."
There was no question in Sean's mind that Serena was hiding things. Things he hoped she'd eventually trust him enough to share. Like why she'd really given up her old life. Why she'd looked so sad when her mother had called that afternoon. Why she hadn't told her lecherous professor where to stick it when he looked at her so inappropriately, like he wanted to devour her.
And why she was so afraid to let Sean kiss her again.
But whatever her secrets--and her reasons for keeping them--he already knew for sure that she wasn't a bad person.
Not bothering to weigh his words first, he flat-out told his sister, "She's just as beautiful on the inside, Olivia."
His sister's eyebrows went up as she stared at him in stunned silence for several long moments. "In that case, what are you going to do when she leaves?"
Even the question had his gut clenching tight. "She isn't going to leave." Easily able to read his sister's disbelieving look, he said, "I've never seen anyone as serious as she is about school. Not even Justin." And he thought he knew why. It wasn't that his twin was any less interested in the intellectual stimulation, it was that he'd never had to fight for it. It was basic human nature that people valued the things they couldn't easily have, that they had to work for, more. "Serena wants to be here more than you or I could ever understand."
"It's hard for me to believe anyone in her position would feel that way, but since you know her and I don't, I can only take your word for it. But the thing is, even if she wants to be here, someone like Serena Britten..." She paused, clearly hesitant to say something that would upset him. "I can't help but think that she's too famous, too necessary a player in the world she came from for everyone not to need her back for their ad campaigns, or fashion shows, or catalogs, or music videos, or movies."
He was surprised to realize just how much his sister knew about Serena. He'd thought Maddie was the only one in his family who read the kind of magazines his picture had been in today, but now he wondered if his more serious sister had secretly been reading them, too.
"Because," Olivia continued, "even if she doesn't want to go back, even if she wants to stay here to learn and even date you when you get your way like you always do," she added with a small smile, "what if something comes up that she can't say no to?"
For all that his sister had said so far tonight, it was what she didn't say that was clearest of all: She was worried that if he actually went and fell in love with Serena and then she left him...wanting to be numb would only be the tip of the iceberg for him. Because obviously, over the past months, Olivia had noticed his drinking. His partying. And she was clearly worried that if things didn't work out with Serena, he'd take things even further. Even darker.
Forcing away the thought that his sister might be right about the risk of falling for Serena, he said, "How about you wait until I convince her to actually call what we're doing this Friday night a date before you go all worst-case-scenario on me?"
"Mom would--"
"Have wanted to meet Serena before she made any decisions about her."
Olivia finally stopped protesting. "You're right, she would have."
And he was also right that it was becoming increasingly difficult for his sister to try to fill their mom's shoes. Olivia was awesome. But no one could be Lisa Morrison.
He could also see that while his sister clearly didn't like his determination to continue moving th
ings forward with Serena, she also knew when it was pointless to try to hold him back.
"So, when will I get to meet her? When will all of us get to meet her?"
"Hopefully soon. Actually, since you're here, I've got a question for you. Ever played Frisbee Golf on the campus course?"
She looked at him like he was insane. "No. I didn't even know it was still there. I mean, who actually plays Frisbee Golf anymore? Even in the seventies people could barely bring themselves to play it."
He grinned. "Something tells me the sport is about to make a comeback."
"You're weird," she said, but she was grinning as she stood up to leave, and he was glad to see his sister smile again. The first one he'd seen on her face in far too long.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sean didn't believe in picking a girl up late for a date, but he'd never been fifteen minutes early, either. Still, something told him Serena probably wouldn't mind if he came up to her spot on the third floor of the library a little ahead of schedule. At least, he hoped she wouldn't, and that she'd lost at least some of her well-honed concentration to thinking about him. Because Lord knew he'd lost plenty this week thinking about her.
"Hi, Janice. How's your week been?"
The woman behind the information desk smiled. "Good. Are you here to book more time in the archives?"
He started to shake his head, when he realized it was one hurdle he didn't have to worry about jumping again. All because of Serena. And though he probably wouldn't be picking up a camera any time soon, that didn't mean he couldn't at least enjoy looking at some of the best photographs in the world.