He watched as Ashley's expression slowly changed from angry to surprised. But then, instead of looking happier, she simply looked resigned.
"I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions," she finally said, "but the two of you just looked so natural together. You don't understand how I'm not seeing things that seem obvious to you, but how can you not see that someone like her--like any of the women you've been with today--are a better fit for you?"
"Because she isn't. None of them are, Ash."
"But when your hands were on her hips..." She broke off with a shake of her head. "When I saw you touch her, I realized just how foolish I'm being. You and me--whatever we've been feeling is probably just because of our close proximity on the bus. Or because we each know the other is off-limits so that makes it seem more exciting. But out in the real world--"
His mouth was on hers before he even knew what he was doing. He just couldn't stand to listen to her tell them both lies. Not when everything they'd said to each other before tonight had been completely honest.
This was the real world.
The only world that mattered.
He was too wound up to be gentle. Too scared that he was going to lose her to do anything but thread his hands into her hair and deepen the kiss. He'd tried to show her with words just how much she meant to him, but she stubbornly refused to listen. Which left out every option but this--his mouth on hers, their bodies straining together, the aching need that had been building between them about to combust from nothing more than a kiss.
But then, he realized she was trembling, and sanity washed over him like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head.
"Ash." He slid his hands from her hair to stroke her cheeks, as gentle now as he'd been rough just seconds before. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Or scare you."
"You aren't hurting me. And you've never scared me." But when she inhaled deeply, he saw the way it shook through her. "I just...I've never felt this way. Never felt so much. I don't know how to process it. First, I was so happy after this afternoon. And then I was so jealous at the party. And now, after that kiss..." She shook her head. "It's like I'm completely full and yet empty all at the same time. Empty and aching."
"I've never felt like this either. Just with you. I know I'm going too fast, but the thought of losing you--" His chest squeezed tight at the thought of not seeing her every day. Of not being able to talk with her and laugh with her. Of never holding her in his arms again. "I don't want to lose you. Tell me what to do so that I don't keep screwing this up."
"If it were just us..."
She stopped and looked down at their entwined hands, and he finally realized just how small hers were inside his. She was so capable, so strong, that he'd never noticed before just how delicate she was--and it only made him angrier at himself that he'd just been so rough with her. All because he couldn't stand the thought of her leaving his bus tonight and never coming back.
"Honestly," she finally continued, "even just us is complicated, since you're a superstar and I'm just me."
"Just you?" Frustration bubbled up inside him again. "Why can't you see how amazing you are?"
"I know I'm good at numbers. And research. And being a good girl." She made a face. "But I don't know how to do the kinds of things normal, sexier girls do. My mother tried to teach me about clothes and makeup and boys, but I never felt like I measured up, so it was safer not to try to compete."
"I could tell you a million times over how special you are and how sexy," he said in a gentle voice, "but maybe that's where I'm getting it all wrong. Maybe I need to show you, instead. Can I show you, Ash? Can I love you the way you should be loved?"
At the word love her eyes widened and her gaze locked on his. "What about the promise you made to my father?"
"I put you on my bus to make sure that you left the tour the same way you came. But it's too late for that already, isn't it? Both of us have changed. From that very first conversation, nothing has been the same, has it?"
"No," she agreed, "it hasn't."
"I respect your father a great deal. And I'm a man who believes in keeping my promises. But this isn't about your father. You're right that you're not a little girl anymore. You're a woman who can make her own decisions about what she wants. You're a woman I've fallen head over heels for. You're a woman I can't stop thinking about. You're a woman I want to be with more than I've ever wanted to be with anyone in my life. More than I thought it was possible to want." He brought her hand to his chest and held it over his heart. "But you already know that, don't you? Deep in your heart, you can feel that mine is beating only for you, can't you?"
She didn't say anything for a few long moments. Long enough that renewed panic began to sprint up his spine. Ashley had made him happier in the past week than he'd been in a very long time.
Losing her right after he'd finally found her would be unbearable.
Finally, she nodded. "I can feel it, Drew. Everything. I feel everything."
Relief washed over him with such swift strength that he nearly had her mouth crushed beneath his before he realized she still hadn't given him the all-clear. And he'd never forgive himself if he took something from her that she wasn't ready to give, no matter how much pleasure he knew he could give her.
He could feel the unsteady beat of her heart crashing against his as he brushed the hair back from her forehead, looked into her eyes, and said again, "All I want is to love you. But what matters more than anything is what you want, Ash."
Thank God she wasn't shaking anymore as she met his gaze and whispered, "I want to love you, too."
Chapter Twenty
Ashley's heart had been pounding so hard when Drew burst onto the bus that she'd barely been able to hear him say her name through the rush of blood in her ears. And then when he'd tried to get her to stop ripping off the dress, it had only pounded harder. Louder. So hard and loud that she'd felt as though her head were going to explode.
He'd kissed her before that could happen, before she could get any more wound up, before her insides could twist into any more knots. And though her heartbeat was still racing, it wasn't because she was upset. It wasn't because she was nervous either.
Amazingly, now that she'd made the decision to be with Drew, nearly all of her fears about her first time disappeared.
The two kisses they'd shared had been full of so many sexy promises that she couldn't wait one more second to be with him. Because if someone from his crew or the label knocked on their door tonight needing Drew, as had happened so many times before, her head really would explode. The past week had been nothing but one tempting moment after another.
"Giv
e me your phone," he said.
She pulled her phone out of her bag, and he put it next to his on the kitchen counter. "I don't want any interruptions either," she said with a smile she couldn't contain. As he reached for her hand, she asked, "Does James know where you are?"
He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "He does."
"With me?"
He looked into her eyes. "With you."
Of course they couldn't keep this from James. Not when his job was to know exactly where Drew was at all times while on tour. "Your whole life is so open, so public." Her words were halting, and though she didn't want them to come out the wrong way, she still needed Drew to hear them. "Do you think we can keep this private?"
"I want to tell the whole damned world that you're mine, Ash." He paused for a moment. "But I'll do anything you want. Anything you need me to do."
She wouldn't let herself think about the future right now, wouldn't let herself get twisted up in worries. Not tonight. So she lifted her mouth to his and told him exactly what she needed. "Kiss me again."
His lips curved up into a sexy smile even as he lowered them to cover hers. Just minutes ago, his kiss had been rough, and oh so raw. Now his kiss was barely more than a whisper of breath and heat.
A low moan sounded from her throat at the stunningly sweet kiss. She'd never known there were so many ways to kiss or to be kissed.
The next thing she knew, he was saying, "Hold on to me, Ash," and then he was lifting her up as if she weighed nothing, with one arm under her knees and the other around her rib cage.
"Drew!" His name bubbled out along with her surprised laughter. "What are you doing?"
His eyes were so dark and full of heat that she nearly lost her breath when he looked down at her and said, "Taking you to my bed." With nothing but those five words, even though he was simply holding her in his arms, she nearly came apart right then and there. "Is that where you want to be?"
"Yes." Instinctively, she knew why he was asking her again--because he didn't want her to regret one single moment with him. But Ashley needed him to know that no matter what happened after tonight, she would never regret it. Never. "It's the only place I want to be tonight. And you're the only person I want to be with."