He lifted her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to each of her palms. "I agree that we shouldn't hide our feelings, and we shouldn't pretend we're not dealing with some massive decisions. But I don't want us to stop seeing sunshine, butterflies, and rainbows either. That's what happened to my dad after my mom died, and I know she wouldn't have wanted to see him like that. And, if I'm being totally honest, that's what happened to me in Frankfurt."
Before she could ask what he meant, the waiter returned with their salads. As soon as they were alone again, she said, "You haven't talked much about Germany, but I thought it was good for you. I thought you were doing work you wanted to do."
"I was. I am." But that spark she was so used to seeing in his eyes dimmed as he told her, "I let it consume me. I was more than happy to let my work, my research, take the place of everything I no longer had. My colleagues were pleased by my fervor and endless energy, at least in the first couple of years."
"Then what happened?" She could see this wasn't easy to talk about, and she was proud of him for doing it anyway.
He stared out the window, but she knew he wasn't seeing the Napa Valley night. "It crept up on me, how tired I felt. How uninspired."
"But you didn't take a break to recharge?"
He shook his head. "My colleagues kept inviting me to join the local soccer team, or to meet up with them at the biergarten. But I couldn't stop thinking about all the work that wouldn't get done. And I kept telling myself we were almost there with our research, that we'd nail it if I just spent a few more hours every day. So I blocked myself off from everyone and everything but the lab and my research and ended up getting grouchy and short with everyone. Sleep eluded me more and more too, and even the things I used to enjoy doing, like hiking and woodworking, lost their pull. My goal to find a cure for breast cancer became my only reason to get up in the morning and the reason I wouldn't let myself go to sleep at night." His expression was grim as he said, "The thing is, it wasn't just about the work. About finding the cure. It was about hiding. From my feelings about losing my mom. And from my feelings about you. Because I knew you would never be mine...and I couldn't stand the thought of a life without you."
"I was hiding too," she admitted. "In my relationship with Bruce. In a job I didn't want. In a life my parents had mapped out for me because otherwise they would worry. It wasn't until I got sick that I had to stop making them my excuse for always playing it safe and being a coward."
"A coward?" He said it as though nothing could be further from the truth. "Do you know what my mother always used to say about you?" When she shook her head, he smiled. "She thought you were the bravest woman in the world to throw yourself into the mix with us Morrisons. And then later, when you would spend all those hours with her in the hospital, she would say it again and again--that you were the only person she wasn't related to who had the guts to come and be with her." Justin lifted his hand to Taylor's cheek. "You were never afraid. And we all loved you more than ever for that. For being there for her when everyone else fled."
"I loved your mom." There were tears in Taylor's eyes, and she had a big lump in her throat. "I wanted to be with her."
"I love you." Justin's words were as sincere as any she'd heard him speak. And then, before she realized it, he was slipping out of his chair, getting down on one knee, and reaching into his pocket for a small, velvet-covered box. "Taylor Cardenes, I've known from the first moment I met you that I wanted you to be mine. Will you marry me?"
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Taylor's eyes were huge as she stared at him. He was holding one of her hands, but the other was over her mouth, which had fallen open.
Justin's heart was pounding a million beats a minute. He'd never been so nervous--or felt so certain--about anything in his entire life. They might have been dating only a few days shy of a week, but for eight years, Taylor had been his best friend...and his secret love.
Time, as they both knew all too well, offered no guarantees. And he didn't want to waste any more of it. He wanted Taylor to be his wife and he wanted to be her husband. He wanted to start a family with her as soon as her doctors gave them the thumbs-up. He wanted to help her run her B&B and ask her to look over his work at the lab to see what brilliant insights she had to help move them closer to a cure. He didn't plan on spending nearly as much time in his lab in the future, but he'd be hugely energized and focused during the time he did spend working.
He also finally understood that he would be able to do so much more to make others' lives better if he were living his own life to the fullest. He wanted to spend every Christmas, every birthday, every Valentine's Day with Taylor beside him. He wanted them to be a team in everything, good or bad.
The ring had been burning a hole in his pocket for the past hour. Taylor knew him so well that he was almost surprised she hadn't guessed it was there. He had planned for his proposal to come at the end of the evening, after the food had been cleared and there was no chance of anyone disturbing them. But he hadn't been able to hold it in, not when he could have sworn his mother was whispering in his ear: Ask her.
"Yes."
Taylor spoke so softly that Justin wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly. "Yes?" His voice shook with hope and love and longing.
"Yes!" she yelled, flinging her arms around his neck so that the ring box was accidentally knocked out of his hand as she slid from her seat to kneel on the carpet with him.
They kissed like they'd never kissed before. A best-friends-turned-lovers-turned-newly-engaged-couple kiss that blew all the others out of the water.
He never wanted to let her go, but at the same time, he was anxious to cement their engagement by getting the ring onto her finger. The box was only a few feet away, beneath the window. But when he picked it up, the ring was no longer inside.
Together, they hunted for it on their hands and knees, looking in every crevice, every corner. That was how the wait staff found them, with their rear ends sticking up in the air, their eyes slightly wild.
"We just got engaged," Taylor said.
The man and woman holding the covered trays gave them confused smiles. "Congratulations."
"The ring went flying," Justin explained in what he hoped was a calm voice, but wasn't anywhere close. "That's why we're down here searching for it."
"Not to worry, sir," the waiter said as he put down his tray. "We'll help you."
The four of them crept around the dining car for what was probably only a couple of minutes, but felt far longer, when the other waiter called out, "I found it!" She held it up, and Justin only barely stopped himself from grabbing it out of her hands. "Oh, it's lovely."
"Is it?" Taylor said on a laugh. "I can't wait to see it."
"Forgive me." The woman gave the ring to Justin. "We'll give you two some time alone."
But Justin didn't want to wait another second, and clearly neither did Taylor, because she thrust her left hand at him so that he could slide the ring into place.
It was a perfect fit. Just as he'd known it would be.
"It's so beautiful." Taylor held up her hand so that the diamonds caught the glow of the lights. "I've never seen a ring like it."
He'd been inspired by seeing her in her wine country garden and knowing how right she looked in it. Even though he could easily have afforded something more expensive, he knew she wouldn't feel comfortable in something flashy. So instead of one big diamond, two dozen beautifully cut diamonds radiated out from the center like petals.
It wasn't until Taylor's stomach growled again--which set off the chain reaction of his stomach growling--that he realized they were still on the floor. Laughing, they got up, then seated themselves to eat the food the servers had left for them.
But before they did, he said, "This is now officially the best day of my life."
"For me too," she agreed, linking hands with him.
And as he grinned like a fool at the sight of his ring on her finger, he couldn't help but wonder just how soon they could
pull together a wedding.
*
Two hours later, after they had made it home and were heading through her garden to the cottage, Taylor was still walking on air. She couldn't stop looking at the engagement ring and admiring it--just as she couldn't stop looking at Justin and admiring him too. He was so handsome, so smart, so powerful, so sweet. So all-around wonderful in every single way.
She had been stunned by his proposal, but not only for the reasons he must have thought. What he wouldn't know until tomorrow morning was that--
Out of the blue, at the threshold of her cottage, he swept her up into his arms and kissed her breathless, making all thoughts fall from her brain. "We're not married yet," she teased once she could form words again.
"A guy can dream, can't he?"
She caressed his cheek as he carried her over the threshold. "The whole night was like a dream. Thank you for such sweet romance."
"It's what you've always deserved." He set her down in the living room, her body sizzling from making the slow slide against his. "I'm sorry I haven't given you more romance before tonight."
"You've always given me what I needed. If we had gotten together back in college, honestly, I'm not sure that I would have been ready for the passion between us...or for how big you make my heart feel." She had needed some time to mature, to come into her own and figure out what she really wanted out of life. "All those years, I got to love you from a safe distance. If you had given me romance back then, I probably would have freaked out and run."