"Not yet. I know you must have terribly mixed feelings about the idea of Justin donating his kidney to me. And I want you to know that I do too. If it turns out that he's a match, I don't know what I'll do. Because I could never live with myself if anything happened to him."
He stared at her for a long moment. Taylor knew that Grant was never one to make flash judgments or jump to conclusions. He looked at everything from as many angles as possible before making decisions--decisions that were nearly always the right ones. She could hardly breathe as she waited for his response. What if he thought it would be selfish of her to accept Justin's offer?
"None of us can make Justin's decision for him. Nor can we make yours." He was as serious as she'd ever seen him. "But I want you to know that I understand why he wants to give you one of his kidneys. If I were in his shoes, I believe I would do the same thing."
Relief swamped her. A beat later, however, she realized relief had come too soon.
"I didn't want you to come here tonight unaware of the fact that my father is having a tough time with it, though."
She swallowed hard. "Of course he is."
"I don't believe he'll actively stand in Justin's way," Grant said, "but at this point, I'm not sure he's ready to support him either."
Suddenly, Taylor felt every minute of the sleep she'd missed. Her skin felt dry and tight, her limbs heavy, and she had to fight the urge to weep.
"I won't let him do it." She couldn't stand the thought of coming between Justin and his father. "I'll find another donor, but even if I don't, I won't let my situation pull Justin and your father apart."
Grant put his hand on her arm as though to soothe her, but she barely noticed. "Dad just needs some time to get used to the idea."
"No." She'd been right in the beginning when she'd told Justin she couldn't let him be her donor. "I need to tell your father that even if Justin is a match, I won't let him go into surgery. I won't risk anything happening to him."
"Taylor--" Grant stepped in front of her before she could dash into the cellar to find Michael Morrison. "None of us are going to be able to keep Justin from doing what he wants to do, what he believes is right. He loves you, and he'll do anything for you. And it seems to me that rejecting a donation from him would have as many risks as saying yes. Maybe even more, since he'll never forgive himself if your health takes a turn for the worse and he could have done something to stop it but didn't. Our father just needs some time. He knows how much you mean to Justin and how much Justin means to you. He also knows how much you loved our mother and how much she loved you." It was the most she'd ever heard Grant say at one time, the most impassioned speech she'd ever heard from him. "Grief can make a person blind sometimes," he added in a rough voice, "but he'll come around. Can you trust me on that?"
She knew what Grant wanted her to say. And even though she'd sworn she wouldn't follow other people's plans for her life anymore, she couldn't stand the thought of spoiling Ashley and Drew's wedding weekend.
She nodded and forced her lips up into what she hoped was a convincing smile. "I've always trusted you, Grant. You're the best big brother Justin could ever have." Feeling tears about to rush in again, she gave him a hug. "I'm just going to pop into the ladies' room for a second. See you back inside."
Thankfully, it was a large private room, complete with a small daybed that she could sit on while she put her head in her hands and tried not to feel as though everything had just gone terribly, horribly wrong.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Justin hadn't wanted to believe this could happen, but he wasn't blind.
His father had been avoiding Taylor all night. He'd neither congratulated them on their engagement, nor come over just to say hello. And Justin didn't think it was a coincidence that Drew and Ashley had set up the seating so that Justin and Taylor were on one end of the long table and his father was at the other. Everyone obviously knew Dad had issues with his intention to donate a kidney to Taylor.
What's more, Justin couldn't miss how subdued Taylor had been after returning from her private talk with Grant. She'd looked pale and guilty, when she had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Based on a couple of conversations Justin and Grant had had during the week, he knew Grant was prepared to support his decision to be her donor. The only person Justin hadn't been able to talk things through with was his father--he'd left messages, but none had been returned.
Earlier, when she'd asked him about his father's reaction to their engagement, Justin had still been firmly in denial about the possibility that he might not support his relationship with Taylor. But that was because he honestly couldn't believe that his father would turn on her out of fear.
Justin had been gritting his teeth all through dinner. He didn't want to make a scene and ruin Drew and Ashley's celebration--but that didn't mean he would let his father leave without talking with him either.
The evening should have been great. The food looked fantastic, and his siblings and Ashley's parents were in top form with alternately funny or heartwarming stories about the bride and groom. But Justin couldn't enjoy himself. Not when he could see that Taylor was trying so hard to act like nothing was wrong, with a smile pasted on her face as she laughed in all the right places. He held tightly to her hand, but she wouldn't look at him.
Somehow, he made it through dinner and dessert and what seemed to be an endless number of toasts. As soon as everyone started to get up from the table, he gave Taylor a kiss, told her he'd be right back, then made a beeline for his father.
"We need to talk."
He didn't wait for a response as he headed out of the cave, past the stone patio, and into the first row of vines. The smell of the soil beneath his feet and the crisp night air should have filled him with pleasure. But just as he'd been unable to appreciate the meal and the company tonight, he couldn't ground himself in the beauty of the land either.
"Justin." His father's voice had him turning, jaw clenched. "I know you love her, but--"
"Do you?" Fury whipped through Justin as he glared at the man who had always been his hero. "Do you really know how much I love Taylor?" The two of them had never talked about his mother--not really, not in anything more than tiny little remembrances that didn't come anywhere near the heart of their loss. But Justin was done trying to hide from his grief--and he sure as hell wasn't going to allow his father to use his own grief as some sort of weapon against Taylor. "Do you understand that I love her as much as you loved Mom? I know you would have done the same for Mom, with no hesitation at all."
"Of course I would have," his father replied. "But your mother and I were together for more than thirty years. Whereas, while you and Taylor have known each other since college, you've only been a couple for a week."
Justin was momentarily speechless, unable to believe that his father would try to pull out the equivalent of a time calculator, or a ruler to measure love, to judge the amount of time appropriate before you could help someone you loved.
"You always said you fell in love with Mom the day you met." Justin's voice was low, but hard. Never in a million years would he have thought his father wouldn't be on his side, wouldn't go to bat for him, wouldn't support him. Justin was reeling from the shock of it, head to heart. "If you had found out Mom was sick early on in your relationship, do you expect me to believe you would have walked away from her? That you wouldn't have put your own life on the line for hers?"
Michael looked haggard. "I'm your father. You must understand that I have to put you first. I know how safe most transplant surgeries are, but I also know there are risks--and that not every donor comes out on the safe side of those risks."
Of course his dad couldn't answer Justin's question. And he didn't need to, because they both knew the answer: Had Lisa Morrison needed a kidney, his father would have cut out his own to give to her with his own hands if it had come to that.
"Taylor loves you," Justin told his father. "And she loved Mom." His voice felt like it was going to break, and he had to
pause. "You know if Mom was here, she wouldn't stand in my way. Even if she was scared. Even if she didn't like my choice. She would stand beside me, and Taylor, no matter what. No matter the risks."
"Your mother was the better of the two of us." His father's words were raw and full of pain. "And she isn't here." He rubbed his hand over his eyes, leaving it there as he said, "I can't stop thinking about how much she would have loved to see Drew get married. To think that you want to walk into a hospital and let them put you under, let them cut you open and take out one of your kidneys..."
His shoulders began to shake, and though Justin was still angry, it didn't diminish how much he loved his father. Justin put his arms around him and held him while he cried.
It was a long while before his dad could pull himself together. Stepping back, he said, "I don't think I'm making much sense tonight."
"I know this first wedding among us kids is hard without Mom." Justin's jaw was no longer clenched with anger, though frustration still rode him. "But we're all here for you. And for each other. That isn't going to change." Surely his father would come around once he had more time to see Justin's point of view? "Why don't we head back inside? We can talk more tomorrow."
"I should probably take a few more minutes alone. You go ahead."
Justin hated leaving things on such an uncertain note. But while he wasn't going to push any further tonight, he also needed his dad to know one last thing. "Mom always said I got my stubbornness from you. She was right--I'm not going to change my mind on this. And I know it's going to be hard to change yours. But I'm not going to stop trying. Because the one thing I know for sure is that Taylor would never, no matter how badly she needs help, let me give her a kidney if you weren't on board."
"I'm sorry, Justin." His father sounded beaten down as far as a man could go. "I can't give you my blessing. Not tonight." He looked haggard as he admitted, "Maybe not ever."
Until that moment, Justin had been absolutely certain that he would be a match and Taylor would agree to the transplant and they would all live happily ever after. But for the first time, Justin felt fear take hold inside of him. Fear that he wouldn't be able to help her the way he wanted to. Fear that no other donor would step forward in time.