He should have expected that from her. Jet was smart and always thinking and asking questions and he shouldn’t be surprised she was already analyzing the weekend ahead, but he hadn’t really let himself go there…not yet. His focus had been on the book, and the interview, and getting the information he needed, rather than the fact they’d be driving through the reservation on the way, and that the town of Cherry Lake, had once been part of the reservation.
Years ago Mark, his agent, encouraged him to return to the area. His agent said it’d give Shane closure, and might even be a new beginning if he was able to meet people who knew his late maternal grandmother…maybe meet someone who’d gone to school with his mother, or maybe someone who remembered sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen and telling stories. But Shane had resisted returning, explaining that whatever good memories he’d once had of life on the reservation had been overshadowed by the pain of being taken from his grandmother. He’d been just a preschool boy at the time. Death was a foreign concept.
Even today the idea of returning to the reservation, home of the Confederated Salish and Kootenai Tribes of the Flathead Nation, filled him with dread, and something else…a quiet horror that made him feel too much like the boy he’d once been. Helpless. Frightened. Lonely.
Perhaps if the social workers had been able to place him with another Native American family…perhaps if they’d been able to keep him on the reservation…
Shane tensed, smashing down the regrets and memories. He was too old to mourn the past. Too old to mourn who he once was. And truthfully, he shouldn’t blame the social workers; they were just doing their job. But as a boy he had blamed them. They were the ones that placed him with the first foster family, the “white” family in Missoula. They’d made him believe this would be a forever family for him, and indeed the first six months had been wonderful, no problems on either side, but when the couple got pregnant he’d been returned to the social services since they were now having a child of their own.
The social worker driving him to the next foster home had scolded him. Maybe if you weren’t so active…maybe if you hadn’t been so demanding…
Shane had fought tears the entire drive.
His second family was awful, so awful, he cried in secret for his grandmother and then the young couple that had given him up, but gradually the tears dried and he just became angry, growing to hate the young couple for giving him up, hating them for loving their new baby, their biological child, more than they’d cared for him.
It wasn’t until years later that he discovered the young couple hadn’t wanted to give him up, that the young wife had been put on bed rest and was simply physically incapable of caring for him. But by then it was too late to help a little boy who burned with anger, believing himself as undesirable in every way.
Of course he felt pain—and more than a little bit of shame—leasing the Sheenan house. It was a daily reminder he wasn’t wanted. The ghosts of the past didn’t help, either—the father that didn’t want him, the mother who did, but then forgot him, and the little boy that grew up believing he wasn’t worth saving.
And now he was heading back to the place he’d spent his first four years, taking the ghosts with him. His mother, his father…would his grandmother join them?
At least he wasn’t traveling alone. Shane was grateful for Jet’s company. He wasn’t sure how she’d managed to get her sister’s approval, but she must have because she was here and there had been no threatening calls or unexpected visits from the Sheenans. “So how did you leave it with Harley?” he asked. “What did you tell her about this weekend?”
When she didn’t immediately answer, he shot her a glance. She was looking out the window as if admiring the Tobacco Mountains in the distance, her polka dot covered toes curling against the dash. Her silence made him uneasy. “She does know you’re going out of town, doesn’t she?” he persisted.
Jet hesitated a second too long. “Yes.”
“You didn’t tell her.”
“I did.” She kneaded the hem of her sweater, before confessing. “She thinks I’m in Missoula this weekend. For a teacher training seminar.” She gave him an innocent look. “And I did sign up for one, so it’s not a lie. It’s being given at the high school by the education department.”
“She didn’t think it was odd that you were doing this all by yourself?”
“I told her I’m going with a friend. That we’re carpooling together.”
“And she didn’t ask which friend?”
“I was vague.”
And Harley didn’t press for more info? Shane was sure that meant Harley suspected but she didn’t want to know because she didn’t want to have to deal with Brock and the rest of them. “You are far more devious than I imagined.”
“And you’re not?” She made a soft pffting sound as she rolled her eyes. “You’re the one that’s spent nine months living in the Sheenan homestead without ever once telling them that you’re writing a book about McKenna’s family, and making a million dollars off of it—”
“I’m not doing it for the money,” he interrupted flatly.
“But you are making money. A lot of money.” She held up her hands. “And I’m not attacking you, I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking, and reminding you why they are so pissed off at you.”
“And yet here you are.”
She wrapped her hands in her sweater, expression unhappy. “Apparently I like you. Although to be honest, I wish I didn’t. It’d be easier not to. It’d be easier to just let them kick you out of their ranch house and not worry about what happens to you.”
“Ouch.” He teased, dangerously close to laughing. But he didn’t want to laugh, sensing it would just make her more angry with him, so he reached for her hand, and brought her fist to his mouth, and kissed her knuckles, and then again. “You don’t have to worry about me,” he soothed. “No matter what happens, I will be fine.” He hesitated for just a split-second before adding, “And so will you.”
Shane’s mouth was warm against her fingers and yet his words left Jet cold. If he thought he was being helpful, he was wrong.
Her eyes burned and her throat ached. “I hate it when you say that,” she said, trying to tug her hand free. “Why be so pessimistic, unless you already know the way this ends and you just don’t want to tell me?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“But I think it is. You’ve said something similar twice. Or you’ve made up your mind and decided
how this plays out. Is that the case?”
He sighed with what sounded like exaggerated patience. “We know how it ends. My lease is up soon and I’ll be back in New York to finish my book. While you’re here until June, teaching on a contract.” His dark gaze swept her. “Your contract could be renewed, or it might not. You’re not sure what’s happening in the future—”
“That’s right. But just because we don’t know what I’ll be doing in June doesn’t mean we know what’s happening with you and me.” She tugged her hand free, tucking her tingling fingers beneath her leg. “Or do we? If so, just tell me.”
She heard the hardness in her voice. It matched the lump in her throat and the ice in her belly. She added even more frostily, “And, as you well know, we have things like Skype and FaceTime and airplanes and all kinds of conveniences that can help bring people together. If they want to be together.”
He said nothing and his silence made her go from cold to hot and she blinked hard to keep tears from forming. She almost hated him just then, and she certainly hated his silence and callousness. She didn’t care that he had grown up in foster care. Didn’t care that he thought of himself as tough and invincible…the classic lone wolf. He’d invited her along this weekend. He’d reached out to her. He’d been the one to make her think there could be more—
“What is happening?” Shane said.
“Harley warned me. She said you were just using me…killing time…maybe even using me to get to the Sheenans—”
“And why would I do that?”
“I don’t know. To get under their skin…provoke them.”
“And that would accomplish…what?”
His incredulous tone made her feel ridiculous and emotional and she didn’t know what was happening…didn’t know why she was having a full melt down…now.