Dark Promises (Dark 25)

Gabrielle opened her mouth to explain she couldn't--that Aleksei wouldn't let her leave and Gary might not want her even if he could feel because she'd been with Aleksei--but she closed her mouth. Trixie asked a legitimate question, and why wasn't her answer a firm and resounding yes? She should have jumped at that. She should have immediately, without thought, said yes. Why didn't she?

She blinked several times, veiling her eyes from Trixie's penetrating gaze. "I don't know," she finally confessed in a low, shocked voice. Not shocked. Horrified. Aleksei was terrifying. He had a temper. He was her worst nightmare. Gary was sweet and kind. Everything she ever wanted. "I don't know if I could." The admission brought a fresh flood of tears.

Gabrielle looked up at Trixie. "What is wrong with me? What kind of a person am I? I know that I love Gary. I know it. But Aleksei has taken me over so that I'm obsessed with him. I crave him. I don't know how I could go from having the kind of sex I have with Aleksei to being with anyone else. He makes me feel . . ." She stopped, biting her lip hard. "He just makes me feel," she added lamely. "I don't know how to describe it, but . . ." She broke off, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm such a slut. How could I even consider trading a man I'm certain I love for sex?"

"You want to make it work with Aleksei?" Trixie asked gently, ignoring her drama.

Gabrielle was fairly certain she had lots of practice ignoring drama, what with raising five girls. She nodded slowly, trying to be as honest as possible. She was mixed up and confused, but still, there had to be honesty. "Aleksei scares me. He's the scariest man I've ever met and I've met a lot of them. Male Carpathians are dangerous. It shows in everything they say or do. But Aleksei, he's a little different. Something inside him that is so dark . . ." She trailed off again, because saying that felt like another betrayal. She didn't want to say anything bad about him behind his back. "I want it to work," she whispered firmly, meaning it.

"But you're feeling guilty because you feel loving Gary has betrayed Aleksei. In fact, still is betraying him? Have I got that right?" Trixie asked.

Gabrielle wiped at her tears with the edge of the blanket. "That's about it," she admitted. "And making the decision that I know is the right one makes me feel guilty about letting Gary go. And it makes me feel slutty and selfish. How could I betray Aleksei?"

"You didn't know him."

Gabrielle sighed. She shoved both hands through her hair, keeping the blanket in place with her elbows. "But then I turned around and now I'm betraying Gary."

Trixie smiled at her. "Child, loving someone is never wrong. Never. There are all kinds of love in the world. Gary was sweet and kind to you when you needed it. You didn't have anyone and you didn't have any experience. He was the first man you fell in love with. In essence, your teenage love. Think about it. He had work in common with you and he made you laugh, but you didn't have sex with him. You didn't take every minute you could to be alone with him, sneaking off because you couldn't keep your hands off each other."

Gabrielle frowned at her. "I don't know what you mean."

"Can you keep your hands off this Aleksei of yours?"

"Well." Gabrielle thought about it. Not when she was with him. She wanted him touching her. Kissing her. She mostly wanted him inside of her. "No. But that's just sex. We don't make love. He isn't gentle."

"But you like what he does."

"Yes. A lot." Gabrielle was honest. She had to be if she was going to sort this out. And she needed to sort it out fast. Before he came back.

"There are all kinds of ways to make love. If it's good, that's what you need. But going back to your Gary. You clung to him because he made you feel grounded. Everything around you was so different and you didn't know how to handle it. I think you do love him, Gabrielle, but I don't think you're in love with him. If you were in love with him, you wouldn't feel as if all your loyalty should belong to Aleksei."

"I know that I love him and he loved me."

"Yes," Trixie agreed. "But I doubt if either of you were in love. Not a soul-destroying kind of love. If you had been, you would have been like you and Aleksei, all over each other. You love each other because you both are intelligent, have a lot in common, make each other laugh, all those things. But, child. Where was the passion?"

Gabrielle closed her eyes. Trixie was making sense, and that only seemed to make her feel worse.

"Gabrielle. Think about it. This man, Aleksei, frightens you. He doesn't give you one single thing you thought you wanted or needed. But you're reluctant to say anything that might put him in a bad light. You refuse to say one bad thing about him, and looking at you, seeing your misery, I think there are a few lessons that man needs to learn about women and he needs to learn them fast."

"You don't understand the enormity of what I did," Gabrielle said. "You can't possibly understand yet. You're still human. You don't even really know about Carpathians. The betrayal went so deep." She frowned and waved her hand. The moment she did, she was fully clothed, although, like Trixie, she'd left her shoes off.

"How do you do that?" Trixie demanded.

Gabrielle blinked as if coming out of a deep fog. "It's because he's my lifemate."

"That's another thing. Maybe you should explain Carpathians and lifemates to me, because I don't quite get that, either."

Gabrielle turned her head, sweeping her long hair over her shoulder to stare at Trixie in shock. Clearly shocked. "You told me you're Fane's lifemate." Her heart began to pound. Hard. What if she'd made a mistake? She couldn't trust her own judgment anymore. If she was talking to this woman, taking her at face value, and she was there hunting them, she had just helped convince the hunter to kill them.

"That's what he told me," Trixie said. "But I don't understand exactly what that means."

Gabrielle bit her lip hard. Hard enough that her teeth drew a small drop of blood. Trixie winced for her, but Gabrielle didn't really do more than register that small movement. She didn't know what to do.

There was one moment when she felt something stirring in her mind. And then he was there. Pouring into her. Warm. Intimate. It didn't feel at all like an invasion. She felt complete. Safe.

Kessake. What is it? What has you upset?

Didn't he mean more upset? If he knew she was worried about something he had to have known she was crying her eyes out. How? If he hadn't been in her mind . . . Had he lied to her?

I cannot lie to you. I will not lie to you. Your soul is tied to my soul. I feel your emotions, just as you can feel mine should you try. I entered your mind because you are very troubled. I am your lifemate and if you have need of me, I will come to you. Tell me. Now.

12

Gabrielle knew Aleksei had just given her an order. If she didn't tell him what he wanted to know, he would take the information from her mind. She took a deep breath. Submitting. Not because she was afraid of him, but because she was afraid for him. She was afraid for all the residents of the monastery.

There is a woman with me. Her name is Trixie Joanes. She said she's Teagan's grandmother and lifemate to Fane. I've . . . God. God. Why was she so gullible and stupid? Why didn't she think before she acted? Now she had this hang

ing over her head as well. I've told her things that revealed a lot about what you are. She could be an enemy. I didn't think, but I could have put everyone here at risk.

What we are.

She swallowed hard at the tone he used. Velvet over steel. A rasp she felt inside her body like a caressing stroke, but something else that set her heart pounding. I don't understand.

We are. You. Me. We. We are both Carpathians. If you put me at risk, then you have put yourself at risk as well. And. I. Am. Not. There.

Uh. Oh. She got that. She got that right away. He was not happy with her at all.

What should I do?

Fane says the woman is his lifemate. What is she doing with you?

This was getting worse by the moment. Still, there was something in his tone that compelled her to answer. I need to sort myself out. She's someone I can talk to. Maybe she can help me.

Fury. Hot. Wild. Intense. It poured into her. Filled her mind. O jela peje terad, emni. Sun scorch you, woman. Get rid of her. You talk to me. We sort you out together. Not an outsider. You. Me. Together.

She held herself very still. She knew she'd gone pale, she could feel the blood leaving her face. You swore at me. In Carpathian. That's considered swearing, isn't it? And you keep saying the word peje to me.

Scorch. Scorching. Like the more modern fuck.

She winced. Not only did he get angry with her, over the top, crazy angry, but he swore at her. She was trying to sort herself out, for him. Okay, she'd screwed up royally, but she was trying. She wasn't at all certain he was.

Well, I don't like it. She would have settled for scorch or scorching if he hadn't compared the word to fuck. Scorch didn't sound half as bad. And she got the implication. Sun scorching a Carpathian was burning him to death or sending him to hell, or in this case, saying fuck you.

Not fuck you.

I still don't like it.

Get used to it. Get rid of her. Now.

Gabrielle gritted her teeth. Trixie is no threat to us. Clearly. You can't dictate to me who I can see or talk to or be friends with.