Chapter Nine
Rick had been angry with his mother for cheating on his father, for what their family could have been. He had put his hand through a wall when he had discovered Lauren was more interested in being ‘seen’ with him, than being ‘with’ him.
But what Cathie, uh Carrie, that was her name, had done went far beyond any of those emotions. This hurt was on a level he couldn’t even fathom. She had pulled out his heart and stomped it. Left nothing recognizable. He wanted to shake her, scream at her, yet his treacherous body ached to have her. That was the worst feeling of all.
Their drive home was the longest he’d ever experienced. The most miserable and quietest. There wasn’t an elephant in the car. Instead it was full of them. Only because he didn't have any choice, and it would have been ungentlemanly to leave her at Mike’s, had he endured being alone with her.
She had lied to him! Not once, but over and over. In and out of bed. She’d made a fool of him. Why did he keep picking the wrong women? How could he ever trust again? He was completely disgusted with himself.
More than once, she’d asked for his forgiveness. Really? How had Carrie expected him to forgive her? What had she thought his reaction would be? She cared more about her sister than what all her lies were doing to them. Had even said she wouldn’t hurt him for the world. Yet she had. Far deeper than he was willing to admit.
For the next two days, he didn’t come out of his house. He mindlessly watched the TV, unable to remember what had been on. What food he had eaten was left on the table nearest him. He’d slept in a chair. The thought of going in his bedroom where he and Carrie had made love made him ill. She had permeated everything in his life.
Mike showed up at his house unannounced on Sunday evening. Rick looked through the glass of his front door at him. Would their friendship survive not letting him in? Rick let him in against his better judgement.
“You look like hell,” Mike stated as he made his way into the living room.
“Thanks for dropping by,” Rick deadpanned.
“I would’ve come yesterday but I wasn’t sure you’d let me in. I figured by now you’d start pulling yourself out of the mire of self-loathing if for no other reason than you have a deal to close.”
Rick groaned. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought about his meeting with Herbert. The old man would just have to get over Carrie not being there.
Mike flopped on the sofa and started flipping through the TV channels. “That’s what I figured. You let a woman get under your skin enough to forget about putting your name on every building in town. A first. Who would’ve guessed?”
“Shut up.” Rick returned to his chair. Putting his elbows on his knees, he rubbed his hands over his head.
Putting the remote down, Mike said, “You want to enlighten me about what happen the other night?”
Rick didn’t really but he owed Mike that much. He told the whole sorted story making it as short and unemotional as possible.
“So you fell for her.” Mike made it a statement instead of a question.
Rick slumped back in the chair and glared at his friend.
“Now you’re wallowing in the pain. What’re you going to do about it?”
Rick jumped up and stalked across the room, then faced his friend. “Nothing. Why would I want to have anything to do with a liar? Anyway, we agreed it was temporary.”
“Then what’s all the fuss about?” Mike shrugged. “Could it be you love her?”
“Love doesn’t have anything to do with it. My father loved my mother. What good did that do him? I thought I loved Lauren. Her me. You know how that turned out. If I can’t trust Carrie, how can I love her?” Mike needed to go. He was starting to make him mad.
“She makes one mistake because of loyalty to her sister, which I consider a worthwhile quality, and you’re ready to give up on trying to make it work. Didn’t she say she tried to tell you? Melissa says she’s a topnotch person and teacher. You might want to think about it.”
“Didn’t you say you had to go?” Rick quipped.
His longtime friend chuckled and stood. “Then I’ll leave you to your pouting.”
Rick called him a nasty name.
“I might be, but I have a warm-willing woman at home in my bed. Do you?” Mike asked as he went out the door.
Rick turned the porchlight off hoping Mike would trip going down the steps taking all his worldly wisdom with him. Forcing himself to pick up around him, Rick then climbed the stairs. At his bedroom door, he took a deep breath and entered his room. He headed to his bathroom without glancing at the bed. In the shower, he ran the water as hot as possible.
Mike was really off base about Carrie. What could he know from her just being Mikey’s teacher? He knew more about her than Mike. Like she was a pretty liar.
But wasn’t she more?
She loved children, had proved that by believing in helping the children’s hospital. She was smart. She’d shown that with Mr. Herbert. She was sincere—when she wasn’t lying about who she was. Carrie had clearly liked his house. No one could be that good of an actress.
And most of all she made him feel good about himself. Made him laugh. She was proud of the work he was doing, interested. Encouraging. In bed, she had a way of making him believe he was the greatest lover in the world. She had certainly satisfied him. More than that.
Mike had been right about her being loyal. He couldn’t fault that. She loved her sister enough to protect her. That kind of devotion was hard to come by. What would it be like to have that in his life?
Yeah, he loved her.
Would she still have him? If she would, could he trust her and his heart enough to take a chance on her? To see her for who she really was?
Did he have the guts to go after her?
He did. Beyond a doubt, he’d hurt her. He’d have to find the right way to approach her or all would be lost.
Carrie sobbed all the way up to her apartment. She had refused to fall apart while in the car. Still the stubborn, high-minded man could at least have listened to her. Tried to understand. She hadn’t done any of it to hurt him. If she had done something wrong it was to care too much for him. She was going to miss him.
She wouldn’t have liked being lied to either, but she had honestly tried to tell him. Maybe with time Rick’s anger would ease. Even then, could he forgive her enough for them to have a real relationship? Start over. Or maybe he’d decide it wasn’t worth the effort.
She’d found a man she could be herself with and lost him because she’d put Cathie before herself. Sometimes that could be considered sisterly love, but other times it was just being a doormat to Cathie’s desires. That had to stop.
Most of the weekend she cried into her pillow while curled up in bed reliving her time with Rick. If it hadn’t been for her stupid lie, she would be off spending the weekend with him. Late Sunday evening the doorbell rang. Her heart skipped a beat. Was it Rick? It was the only time in the last forty-eight hours that Carrie had had the inclination to leave bed.
Her heart fell when she saw it was Cathie.
“Man, you look awful,” Cathie said in greeting. “What’s up?”
Carrie closed the door behind Cathie after she entered. “Rick found out that we’ve been lying to him.”
Cathie’s face took on a worried look. “Is he going to tell Ryan?”
How like Cathie to think of herself first. Then again, she had been doing that for years. Carrie had allowed it and in some ways had even encouraged it. Why hadn’t she seen that before now?
“This isn’t about you. It’s about him. He thinks we made a fool of him. He was hurt.”
“Do you think he’ll say anything?” Cathie headed toward the kitchen.
Carrie made a sound of disgust as her hands balled into fists. “You owe him an apology. What you did, with my help I’m ashamed to say, was an immature and hurtful trick to play on someone. You need to own that.”
“I’m sure he’ll get over it.?
??
Carrie wanted to shake her. “Cathie, you’ve got to stop treating people like they’re on this earth just for you. Life isn’t about running off for the weekend. You need to grow up.”
Cathie whirled to face her. “You’re grown up enough for both of us!”
“You’re right, I was, and I took a chance and let go a little and I hurt a very nice man in the process. I’m not going back to who I was.” Her voice took a hard edge. “I’m done swapping places. I won’t be covering for you ever again, for any reason.”
Cathie looked at her closely. “This has really gotten to you, hasn’t it? Have you been crying?”
Carrie told her the highlights of the past few days but kept the intimate details to herself.
“Care Bear, I’m sorry. I know you’ve always thought you had to look out for me, be the sensible one, but I’ve never asked you to.”
“No, but you expected it. Liked that you got your way. That I’d cover for you. Like with Rick. You knew I’d do it. It’s not going to happen again. It’s time you were responsible for yourself. Fix your own problems. I should’ve told him at the gala who I was. More than that, I should’ve stood up to you and refused to do it to begin with.” But if she had she wouldn’t have met Rick. She had taken a chance which was good, but honesty should have been involved as well.