Small Town Big Man

My eyes move to a photo hanging on the wall. It's a man that looks like Anders, except his hair is long, dark brown, and he's in a pair of overalls with a skinny kid at his side. The two have huge smiles on their faces. The older man, whom I assume is Anders’s father, is holding a giant ax, and the kid, Anders I guess, is holding a saw.

Anders comes up beside me, his eyes settling on the picture. “That's me and my dad. That picture was taken right here in this spot before the shop was built.”

Leaning over, pinned right beneath the photo, is a hand drawn sketch of a mouse under a leaf during a rainstorm. The picture is signed by a woman named June, and it's dated July tenth, nineteen seventy-two.

Was this drawn by his mother?

Looking up, Anders eyes are steadily set on me. He takes a long step back and looks around the entire room. Letting out a heavy sigh, he fans out his arm. “Cara always wanted me to give this up. We argued all the time over it, but I just wasn't willing to let it go. I couldn't. She was always pushing me to join one of the local contracting companies in town, or to get a job in construction supply sales. But this is my life. It’s my past and I want it to be my future. Really I’d be lost without it.”

Reaching out my arm, I take his hand and pull him in for a hug.

I can't ignore the swirling force that's taking over my stomach, or the way my heart pounds when he's close. I love being in his arms, despite how much I might not want it to feel this good.

What is it about him that makes me want to drop my defenses and give him everything I have?

He holds me tighter, pulling me into his chest, and I let him. I bury my face in his jacket, smelling his cologne and feeling his beard tickle across my forehead.

“Stay the night,” he says, his voice is a whisper against my ears. “Please. I don't want to spend tonight alone.”

The words sit on the tip of my tongue. I'm so tempted to just blurt out how I feel about him. My heart knows it, my brain knows it, shouldn't he know it too?

Placing my hand in his, I decide to show him what I feel instead, and lead him back to his house.

If I can't say it, if I don't have the courage to put it into words, the least I can do is show him.12AndersI sent Laney into the house so I could unload the groceries and put them in the kitchen. She told me she wasn’t afraid of the wolves I’d mentioned before, and insisted on helping, but when a coyote howled and she practically jumped into my arms, she took the opportunity to run inside.

By the time I walk up the steps to the loft, she's naked on my bed, her legs crossing back and forth over each other as she nibbles the tip of her finger. Her back arches slightly, and she runs her hand up her belly and over her tit.

This woman is amazing.

I know what I feel, I know what's running through my body, and I know it can't be real. It just can't. I've only known her a week, how the hell could this be anything other than a crush?

I've spent the last few years alone, and this little taste of having a girl at my side is invigorating. Being inside her is like a drug. A fucking drug that I want to inject into my body as much as possible. But what is she feeling? What is she thinking?

What does she want with me?

I'm a rebound fuck for her. There's no way it can be anything more than that. This can't be love. You can't love someone you don't know. You can't love someone you have no history with. I don't know her middle name, her birthday, her dreams for the future. . .

“Are you coming over here? Or are you just going to stand there with your mouth open?” She reaches out to me and beckons me in with a single finger.

Blinking a couple times, I realize that I'm just standing here gawking at her.

Smiling, I bite down on the tip of my tongue. It doesn't matter, none of it matters. How could I not love her? How could I not allow myself to feel this way? It's not fair to pretend like these feelings don’t exist.

And it really doesn't matter to me if she loves me back. I'll give her the moon if it means she'll stay with me. Even for just the night.

I'm not letting her go. I'll do what no one else has ever done for her. I'll fight to keep her.