Maybe not a king. That’s too much pressure. Something more along the Lord family. Lord Bodhi Armstrong of Tess Powell Manor has a nice ring to it.
But I’m scared to death she’s sick of my shit and the best high I’ve ever had in my life is going to throw me in the trash with all of the used and crumpled Christmas wrapping paper on December 26th.
“Oh, God, it’s on my foot. It’s on my foot!” Tess complains as I look over her shoulder to see an adorable baby boy wearing a red onesie with Rudolph heads on it, crawling over the top of one of Tess’s black Doc Martens. “Can I kick it off?”
With a laugh, I drop my hands from Tess’s shoulders, move around her, and scoop the little guy up before he gets to the tree next to the counter and tries to eat the low-hanging branches again.
My head whips to Tess as soon as I have him in my arms when a weird, moaning-choking sound comes out of her as she stares wide-eyed at me.
“You okay there, Firestarter?”
A part of me kind of hopes she’s looking at me holding this baby and is all “Put a baby in me right now, Bodhi!” But the chances of that happening are about as high as the chance that I am currently not high.
For anyone not paying attention, that would be zero, folks. I am high as fuck right now.
Before I can figure out if Tess is going to throw up or punch me, another adult finally joins us and swoops the baby right out of my arms as she walks by, talking a mile a minute. Or at least I think she’s talking a mile a minute. It could quite possibly be the weed.
“Bodhi! It’s so good to see you, even though I’m sure you don’t remember me from high school, because no one ever remembers there was a third Parker sister. But anyway, I am so sorry about all the kids. I have no idea what’s happening, but let me get you guys checked in ASAP. You must be Tess. I’m Allie Redinger, your Doc Martens are bad ass, and now I want a pair.”
When Allie finally stops to take a breath, the Doc Martens comment from her thaws the usual ice around my girl when she first meets someone new. The fact that Allie is wearing a flannel over a T-shirt with a pair of holey jeans and Vans, and not decked out in a hideous Christmas sweater, probably earns Allie a few Tess bonus points as well. Tess gives Allie that killer smile that makes me want to strip her naked right in this foyer, while Allie hefts the baby up higher in her arms. Then she shoos another one away from an electric socket and then spins around in a circle with a look of panic on her face, while the rest of the kids decide they’re finally finished with their little crying jags and are ready to fuck some shit up again. A small tree on a side table gets knocked over, a strand of lights gets pulled down from one of the windows, and I’m no baby expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s not chocolate the one in the corner is finger painting with on an animated snowman swaying back and forth with candles in his snowman hands.
“I’m back, and you’ll be happy to know I’m stress-free, and that facial peel made me feel ten years younger!” The front door flies open with that announcement, bringing in wind, snow flurries, and my old friend Millie as she pulls the lapels of her brown, floor-length mink coat tightly together and shivers before giving the door a bump with her hip to slam it closed.
“What the hell, Millie?” Allie screeches as she scoops up the only other kid in the room who can’t walk yet, holding a baby in each arm as she tries to block three toddlers from getting behind the counter. “This daycare for parents so they could have a kid-free day of Christmas shopping and going out to eat in peace was your idea! You said you would watch them in the new kids’ playroom addition Jason put on a few months ago so I could finish cleaning up all the dishes from dinner!”
“I did. I watched them do nothing for like, five minutes, and it was super boring. You never said I had to watch them the entire time.” Millie rolls her eyes as she quickly trots across the room on the toes of her sky-high stiletto boots, air kissing both of my cheeks before moving right to Tess.
“Bodhi was right. You’re perfect and you’re a goddess. What are you doing the rest of the night? My schedule is wide-open, so we should do cocktails.”